I have learned to hold all things loosely, so God will not have to pry them out of my hands. --Corrie ten Boom

How Much Longer?

I Knew I Loved You...

Friday, January 11, 2008

January 11th....YUCK!

I just don't think that January 11th or maybe just "January" overall is going to in the grand scheme of things be good for me. Exactly one year ago today Thomas & I were in the car on the way to meet the little baby girl that had just been born the night before who we thought was going to be our daughter. Around 6:30PM one year ago today we laid eyes on "Ashton" for the first time. So perfect in every way....a year ago tomorrow we arrived at the hospital for what we thought would be making the final preparations to bring her home. That very day we left the doors of that same hospital with empty arms & pulled out of the parking lot with an empty car seat. Today, as with many days leading up to today, I can't help but wonder how she is; hoping & praying that life is treating her well & that she is thriving, happy & healthy! I can not help but think how different my life would be today. For whatever reason that did not work out. I can not ask "why?" as it solves nothing & changes nothing.

My Granny is not doing well. Yesterday my family took her from the hospital to a nursing home as she had been in the hospital since Christmas Day & was not getting better. Renewed health did not seem to be a reality for her in the near future, likely never again. A nursing home was the only option for her as there would be no way that she could go back to her home in her current condition. Today, my Mom called me as they were rushing her back to the ER. Her lungs are filling up with fluid. She apparently has a very bad pneumonia. They don't know if she will make it through this. Thomas & I will leave early in the morning & travel about 2 1/2 hours to go & see her.

My Aunt is in the hospital as well from complications from a back surgery. She is not well today at all. She has lost 23 pounds in the last month & just feels terrible. She is young & has children. She is use to being on the go & is feeling just awful.

Thomas & I are fine. Just praying for renewed health & strength for our family members who are not well. For my Granny; at 88 it may he her time. We can accept that. We just pray that she wont' suffer.

Heading into the New Year we are considering beginning to research a concurrent adoption. We are somewhat interested in Korea. Up to now it hasn't felt right, but recently we have felt a pull to check into this. We haven't even begun & know that it will be a process. We are waiting for our daughter from China irregardless of how long it takes. As long as we are logged in & the program is functioning we will wait. I am 35 & Thomas is 37, so I don't think there is any chance of us aging out. We are anxious as we know so many are for the Olympics to come & go. We want that to be over & done without complications from the media causing waves in regards to IA. Also, to be done & over so that we can see what may be to come afterwards in regards to this wait & the speed in which the CCAA may begin to work at.

We had not planned on taking any more vacations until we traveled to China, but with that time seeming to get farther & farther away we are considering taking a trip mid-year. We are beginning to do some research as to where we might go. We love to travel.

I am determined to begin scrap booking this year. I am researching how to do it. Like, do I want to use something like "Shutterfly" or should I just get a kit or what. I have a drawer full of photos that is just a mess! I am very organized in general, but for some reason that part of my life; our photos are not very together. I love to take pictures, I am just not very good about getting them in an album or getting them labeled & such once we have them uploaded. I vow to get that straightened out this year! I want to have it all done & organized before our Mia comes home!

We are looking at computers as well. We have a great desktop Dell. It will someday be Miss Mia's. We want a lap top, a new digital camera & camcorder that we can take to China. We have been planning on waiting on that purchase when we are a little closer to traveling as they come out with something new & improved so often. We don't want our new equipment to be outdated by the time we travel. Thomas says that we are leaning towards a Mac.

We are also researching luggage. We want the zero turn radius wheels & such. We figured if we start looking now that we might get a better deal than waiting until the last minute.

Also, we are researching vaccinations. Any help here would be appreciated. How in the heck do we know when to get those when we have no idea when we will travel? We are going to research the ones that we need & then find out when we should schedule them.

Our agency has some education that we have to complete prior to traveling as well, so we figure sooner than later we might as well get started on that too.

With all of the chatter that the CCAA might start referring out of line, I guess that one never knows. We feel very fortunate that we meet both sets of requirements; the new guidelines I mean; so if they would start "hand picking" out Dossiers according to families that meet the new regs we want to be somewhat prepared.

With tax time fast approaching we are researching what kind of credits that we can take for our failed adoption in 2007. Hopefully we can get some of the money that was lost during that fiasco!

Tomorrow will be two months "low carbing" for me. I have been back on the wagon faithfully since November 12th. Not even one "ooopsie"! I have been diligent. I have lost 28-30 pounds depending on the day. So, I am back where I started when I lost the original 75 over a year ago. Now, if I can just keep going things should continue to go well.


1 comment:

Tamara said...

I'm so sorry about you not coming home with your daughter last year. While its never ok, it does get easier to deal with these anniversaries with time, I promise.

No one will allow concurrent with Korea for Missouri residents (or would not as of October, when we checked with all of them). If you do decide to go that route with any program, I'd happily share what we learned if it would help.