Such busy weeks ahead for us! Everything is going very well. A is feeling very tired & struggling with rib & back pain. She gets B12 shots weekly right now as that was running low. She always feels so much better after she gets that. She is also getting weekly adjustments. The doctor no sooner gets her ribs back in & Brynn kicks them back out. Little stinker!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
at 7:30 AM
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Happy fall ya'll!
at 6:54 AM
Monday, July 20, 2009
at 5:54 AM
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Okay, so maybe I didn't blog on a regular schedule, but I need a break. I am not going to say that I won't blog at all or that I won't occasionally drop in & check in on a few blogs that I tend to follow, or that I won't hop on FaceBook via my iPhone if I am waiting in line somewhere or waiting at an appointment...but, I need a break. I am just finding that my time management skills are in need of an overhaul. I have the best intentions. However, I get on my computer & before I know it I look up & way too much time has passed me by! & yes, I recycle, but time is the one thing that can't be recycled or reused. So, for now I need to take a step back & re-evaluate how I spend my time. I feel like I am behind on some things & generally I tend to be super organized. For me, when I feel unorganized I feel stressed & everything just snowballs unnecessarily.
So, if you normally check in with me on FaceBook or my blog, just know that if you leave me a message in either place it may be days & it could even be weeks before I see it. The best way to reach me is to text me on my iPhone. If you want my iPhone number, leave me a message here & I will gladly send it to you privately. I have unlimited texting, so feel free to text me anytime. Or I can also give you my home phone number too. I still have email & plan to allow myself 15-30 minutes a day to check & return emails as needed.
I enjoy blogging & I most certainly enjoy following so many of you via your blogs. However, the whole process has just become a vacuum for me sucking up my time & I need to check myself. So, stepping back from it for a while seems like the best plan for me.
I am hoping that checking in less often, that maybe when I do check in that I might be pleasantly surprised the next time I hop onto Rumor Queen! Maybe not checking in for weeks at a time, I will hop on one day in a few weeks & see that they have gotten through a whopping two weeks! Okay, it's wishful thinking I know, but I am hopeful & prayerful for good things to come in the coming months for all of us.
I would ask for your prayers. This is going to be a challenge for me. I so enjoy keeping up with so many of you! However, I survived before & I shall survive again.
I will be back...& as I said, I am not saying that I am signing off or that I am completely going off line. I will still as time allows check in. If checking & returning emails only takes me ten minutes one day, then I will have a little time to do other things like checking in on my blogging buddies. Essentially, as long as I am not online/on the computer for more than thirty minutes on any given day I will be thrilled with myself! Like I said, I have an iPhone, so there are many times waiting in lines & at places like the oil change place for our cars that I have downtime while waiting that I could take advantage of. I just want to use the time I have better & more efficiently.
at 4:52 AM
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I don't have much information, but just heard from Sara Lane that they are at the hospital with their little Mia. She is sick & I really don't know much more than that. As soon as I know anything more I will update. For now, I just wanted to ask that you all pray for her healing! (Click on title of this post to hop over to the Lane's blog)
at 4:22 PM
Thursday, April 16, 2009
This time last year Thomas & I were anxiously waiting in a hotel room for the telephone to ring.
We were waiting to hear that a sweet baby girl had been born that we were told was to be our blessing. That phone call came. As most of you know, another phone call that we were not anxiously waiting for came only days later. As I held that sweet, precious baby girl I was told that we would not parent our sweet "Emma Kate" beyond those four days. Our worst fears had once again become our reality. Her first Mother had chosen to parent her.
I was crying so hard I could barely see. My chest hurt so bad I was most certain that I was dying & in fact in that moment was wishing that I were. I was sure that nothing could have hurt any worse than what I was already suffering through. I felt panic, desperation & agony. Barely able to stand, thoughts running through my mind of how I could keep with me the most precious soul I had ever laid eyes on. I knew I had no choice. So, as quickly as I could I began to feed her, change her diaper, dress her in the sweetest little mint green jumper with pink flowers & a white collar & then I swaddled her in a pink blanket~doing this all, knowing that it would be the last time that I would have the blessing of caring for her in those ways.
Mere hours later Thomas placed her back into the arms of her first Mother & into a life that we had not wished for her.
Today as I write this, I am tear free. I feel strong. I feel hopeful, faithful & will continue to be prayerful. I know that God has a plan. He is my strength. I now know that in the past I placed faith in people & ideas, MY plans, MY dreams, MY hopes. No more. The only thing that I have faith in now is Him & His plan for my life. I am at peace that it may not be the same as my plan. I know that my life may never look like the picture that I created in my mind. I know that in this life that I may never understand. For the first time in a long time~maybe ever, I am truly okay with that.
The only thing I have hope in is in God's plan. Believing in Him & His plan~even if it doesn't turn out to be what I had hoped, I know that by doing that, that my life will turn out perfectly, just as He planned & that is all that is important. It will all be perfect in the end...knowing & truly believing that; not just speaking or writing the words, but living them has given me an unexplainable peace that I am today so grateful for.
No, when I sit back & look at my life it is not everything that I had hoped it would be. As I type this, the morning news is all that I hear in the background. There is no pitter patter of little feet behind me, no little one tugging at my shirt tail, no baby cooing in a crib in the next room, no toddler calling out for Mommy, no diaper to go change or morning bath to give, no play date to get to...no, my life is not what I had planned it to be or what I had thought it would be at this point. But, the question I instead ask now is whether or not my life is what God planned it to be. He is the only one who knows the answer. I have to let go, give all of this to Him & have faith that in doing so, whatever the outcome, I know it will be well with my soul.
Now, let's remember I am not perfect. I will still have bad days. I will still from time to time get the "Why me's?". I am human. Yes, this day, my reality~it stings. My arms still ache for her. When I close my eyes & think back to those days I can still feel her in my arms. It is difficult not to think about what I should be doing today verses what I am actually doing. Scurrying around preparing for her to wake up so that we could have the best day ever, helping her to take her first steps, taking her one year old photos~but instead, this morning I find myself praying that she wakes up to her Mommy singing sweetly a Happy Birthday tune to her, that she has a cake to dig her sweet little hands in all to herself & that she is surrounded by friends & family who are showering her with love. For me today & in years to come this will be my reality in relation to her life. I am an outsider who can't look in. I can not be part of her life & I have accepted that. My only role in her life is praying for, wishing for, hoping for & loving her... As much as I love & miss her, I am not her Mommy. A piece of my heart will forever be with her. I have accepted that. I am forever changed as a result of the four days that I got to be her Mommy & I am now & will forever be grateful for our time together. This is the new me, my new life, my reality.
I trust God.
It will all be okay.
It is all okay.
I am okay.
at 4:07 AM