I have learned to hold all things loosely, so God will not have to pry them out of my hands. --Corrie ten Boom

How Much Longer?

I Knew I Loved You...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Wonderful Surprise

Such busy weeks ahead for us! Everything is going very well. A is feeling very tired & struggling with rib & back pain. She gets B12 shots weekly right now as that was running low. She always feels so much better after she gets that. She is also getting weekly adjustments. The doctor no sooner gets her ribs back in & Brynn kicks them back out. Little stinker!

We will be very soon making the road trip to spend some time with A & her family. We are so excited. We have plans to spend quality time together cooking, Scrabble marathons & just lots of hanging out. No agenda really, just planning to have a great time!

We had our meeting with our case worker yesterday in her office as we continue to work on getting our home study updated. It went very well. It lasted about two hours. It was very neat for me to be able listen to Thomas elaborate on many of the topics brought up by our case worker solely from his perspective. He is pretty amazing. As I listened to him talk openly about many of the subjects that she was interested in hearing more about I felt so blessed. I sat there in awe of him, his attitude & his ability to articulate to her his most intimate feelings on subjects that most would prefer to keep private. I can't wait until he gets to be Daddy!

Thursday morning we will have a home visit with our case worker. Been through it all before, so it's been a fairly simple process for us. Just a little time consuming. We will be pretty close to finished by the time we leave for our trip. At our meeting yesterday though our case worker assured us that even if Brynn would choose to meet us all a little earlier than expected, or even a lot earlier, that we shouldn't be worried. She let us know that we are far enough along even now to get a permit until everything can be completed officially. No worries! That was a relief to hear that.

As for the wonderful surprise, Thomas & I found a package from A in our mailbox last week. It was not only new ultrasound pictures, but also a CD & a VIDEO! We are so thankful & grateful to A for blessing us with this wonderful surprise! The pictures were great, & the video, well...just amazing! She was moving non stop. She would draw up her legs & stretch them out, she was kicking, she threw her hand over her face at one point, & there was a very good shot between the legs that we missed the first time that we saw it. We stopped the video & now feel very confident that the sea of pink sleepers packed are just what we will need! At one point in the video it appears that she pulls her hand up to her mouth & pops out her little thumb & it looks like she popped it into her mouth. I honestly could put the video in & just play it over & over. Also, the part where they record & calculate the heartbeat was so awesome to be able to hear. Like I said, what a blessing! We are so grateful & thankful to have received the package. I don't know if you are reading this A, but if so, I am sure you are getting tired of hearing it by now, but THANK YOU again SO much!

I am making list, checking them twice & crossing things off as completed. Our calendar is a little ridiculous with list that we are making to help us to get things done. Today, I am getting my hair done. I am also going to the post office to stop our mail so that when we take our trip our mailbox won't overflow. Then, going for an oil change to get our car ready for the road trip & so on.

We are about 42 days (not like I am counting?!?!?) until the scheduled induction day. Time seems to be moving very quickly now. Right now, we are just looking so forward to spending time with A! Won't be long now.

Better go! There is a segment coming on the the Today Show titled, "Best Toys & Must Haves for Babies". Think I should pay attention!


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Changes Are Coming...

Happy fall ya'll!

As the leaves begin to change & fall arrives, our family is seeing some big changes as well! Very soon, as time allows, I will be revamping "Journey To Mia Lynn" as we have come to know it, including a change in the blog name as well. There are several reasons that these changes are coming.

As most of you know, our wait to China just seems to continue to grow longer. We are still logged in & at this time for now plan to leave our Dossier logged in with the CCAA in China. We are logged in with a log in date of July 20, 2007 in the Non-Special Needs line. The process which we were originally told would take us nine to fourteen months is now being estimated in excess of a five year total wait time. There seems to be no one who is willing to or who seems to be able to tell us even an estimate of how long we may actually wait. There is speculation that the CCAA may at some time completely do away with their Non-Special Needs Program. However, most that have made that statement do feel that those of us already logged in would still most likely receive our referral even if that did happen. All of this & most everything that we are told & hear is only speculation as the CCAA says very little, if anything, on this subject or any other. We certainly hope & pray that someday we might get to travel to China & finally bring home our Mia Lynn as we have long planned to do, but we have come to terms with the fact that it very well may not happen as we had hoped. We are hopeful & are cautiously optimistic, but choose not to be naive about a process that we can do nothing to change.

Due to the drastic change in the timeline surrounding our China Adoption, the very reason that I originally started this blog, my blog & it's original purpose for it doesn't lend itself very well to very regular posting. There is just not much to say about a process in which nothing is happening. Someday I hope that there will be much for me to update about this; many stories to share & pictures to post about our journey to China & to our Mia, but for now we just wait.

For those of you that check in on us here from time to time you know that over the last couple of years, I have somewhat transitioned the blog into more of a family diary or journal. In my mind it is really time for now for "Journey To Mia Lynn" to transition into something different.

We have another change quickly approaching in our lives as well. We have great news that we are excited & have been given permission to share. We are in a relationship with an amazing woman who has chosen Thomas & I to be the adoptive parents of the baby that she is carrying! We couldn't be more thrilled & excited!

We will share minimal details at this time. As time progresses we will share more & more details with you as we can & feel comfortable doing so. I will not be sharing personal information about the woman carrying the baby at this time on this blog. She is wonderful & has told us to share away, but we feel that there are parts of this all that are for now still very much her story to share & not ours. So, for the purpose of the blog for now we will refer to her as simply "A" in order to protect her privacy. Our relationship with A grows stronger & stronger with each passing day. We love & care for her very much! We will be going to spend some time with her & her family in the coming weeks. We are looking very forward to our visit!

According to several ultrasounds the baby is a girl! We are thrilled either way! She is healthy & that is most important! A is taking amazing care of her & for that we are now & will forever be so grateful!! We plan to name her "Brynn". We are not settled on a middle name, but are considering "Elise". "Brynn Elise", we think it is beautiful. The baby is due towards the end of November. We have new ultrasound pictures on the way & are anxiously anticipating finding those in our mailbox! (Maybe today!)

With this is mind, & with our current situation with China, it is time for my blog to take on a new title & focus. Of course, with a new addition to the family very soon, we will have many new & exciting things happening in our life. We are so thrilled with the way everything is progressing! Not only are we finally going to be parents, but we are also gaining a wonderful new extended family as well! For us, this adoption is in so many ways such a blessing beyond what we could have ever imagined! As time passes, if & when A gives permission I may share more about all of the wonderful things that have been & no doubt will continue to happen in all of our lives as a result of all of this! Maybe...we will see. For now, we will keep A's privacy very guarded!

I have not yet chosen a new name for the blog. I also don't have time right now to choose a new format or to work on one. We have many things on our "to do" list & revamping my blog is not high on it! (If anyone reading out here in blog land has any suggestions or would like to themselves help out with designing my new blog, shoot me an email.)

We did get a new SLR camera & HD camcorder! We are very excited as we also have a MacBook Pro, so our media options for videos, scrap booking online, blogging, photo shopping etc. will be endless. The only thing that will be in short supply for a bit will be time & also my knowledge of how to do all of that is limited as well. Brynn will of course come before everything else, but I do have plans to learn sooner than later! We very much hope to document our new life as to never miss or forget a moment of what's to come for us in weeks, months & years ahead! Plus, we now live many hours from our closest friends & family. They will want daily updates & no doubt will want those to include pictures & videos.

Our journey to parenthood has been a long one, but in looking back & now looking forward everyday it becomes more & more clear to us as to the reason that we have been on the path that we have. The road has been downright bumpy & filled with potholes at times for sure! It hasn't always been easy. There were days when we wondered if our journey would ever have a happy ending. We of course have felt for a long time that our life, although full, just wasn't complete. Now we know, that not only is our daughter going to be a part of filling our life up, but also A & her family too! We couldn't be happier!

For now, it's off to organizing stacks of Rubbermaid Tubs that need to be moved out of one room to make room for...yep, you guessed it~Brynn's nursery! I am sure she will not spend much time in there for many months, but at least we will have worked towards it being ready for her when she is ready to spend time in her room.

Monday, July 20, 2009

A break from my blogging break...

Life is busy, but good. Madison my niece has been here for the past three weeks. It has been great having her here! Not even wanting to think about her going home sooner than later! We have been on the go since she arrived. It has been so much fun. The first weekend she came we had some other family here as well. (My aunt, uncle & cousins.) We spent some time at the pool & then all went to The Taste of Chicago. We took the train into the city. Maddie thought that was pretty cool. We had fun. We took Madison to Lou Malnattis. She would prefer to eat there everyday now. She loves it! Who doesn't it? Wow, that's some great pizza! Maddie & I had a girl's afternoon out & got pedis & manis...she is still rockin' that bright blue polish! She wears it well, let me tell you! We went to Discovery Zone LegoLand & spent the day. That was awesome! We went bowling with some friends another day, have hit several thrift stores & GoodWill's checking out all the bargains & have been shopping on several occassions. We went with some friends another day into the city & went to American Girl & then to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. We all went to the local Greek Fest one evening & had a great time. Over the 4th of July, we attended two fireworks displays & a Red, White & Blue Festival. The fireworks were amazing at all of the events. We went to Six Flags & the adjoining waterpark on two separate days & had more fun than we could of imagined! What a great family attraction both of those places are! Maddie & Thomas have had a couple of date nights. They went out & saw "Night At The Museum 2" & also the new "Harry Potter" flick...number 6 I think. (I know NOTHING about Harry Potter...not my thing, but they enjoyed it.) We still hope to get to the beach & to spend several more afternoons at the pool, but it hasn't been very warm. The high has been only in the 60's & 70's a lot of days. Maddie would also like to see The BlueMan Group, go to Navy Pier & to the Aquarium. We'll see. The plan is that she will stay another week making her total time with us four weeks. However, this is a very busy week at work for Thomas. So, we might not get some of our list accomplished. We are already talking about her next visit & making plans. We are planning to meet my parents half way, spend some time together & say our goodbyes. (Again, not really wanting to go there just yet!) I am so enjoying life as a family of three. It has been beyond wonderful! Days filled with homemade blueberry or bananna chocolate chip pancakes, sidwalk chalk, trips to the swimming pool, putting her hair in a pony tail, washing extra clothes, using more Spray-N-Wash than I ever knew was possible (That girl is a Ketchup magnet!), news paper covered tables for arts & crafts, girlie outings, a crowded bed with three exhausted people in it at the end of the day & everything in between...I couldn't ask for more or be happier! I am grateful for this time that we have had & am so glad to have such a great niece to share life with! She is awesome & I will forever cherish every moment we have spent together these last few weeks! I love you Maddie!
Speaking of family...we are once again back in fertility treatment. We have found a couple of great specialist in the area. They are very confident that we are on the right track & say that we should be expecting sooner than later. I keep telling everyone that we are from Missouri, so we say, "Show Me!". We will keep you posted. Things should be fairly quiet on this front for about another week & then things will really pick up.
I would like to say CONGRATULATIONS to a good friend & great woman & her family that will soon be expanding! Congrats Linda, Jim & "Little J"! Linda, as I said on FaceBook, it has been great to share this journey with you thus far! I am excited & can't wait to share the days, weeks, months & years ahead with you as you begin this wonderful new journey of parenthood of two!
Well, I hear Miss Maddie stirring. Time for me to turn this computer off & spend time with the little gal who has put a big smile on my face every minute of every day these last few weeks!
Oh, & I suppose before I close it is worth mentioning that today marks TWO YEARS since our paperwork was logged in with China. July 20th, 2007 officially marked the day that our wait to travel to bring our Mia home officially began in the eyes of the China agency; The CCAA that handles all China International Adoption. Not much else to say about that. No end to the wait in sight...

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of us; those of you who are already blessed with your babies & especially to those of us still waiting to be Mommy! You are all in my thoughts & prayers today, even more than usual.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

I interrupt this regularly scheduled blogging...

Okay, so maybe I didn't blog on a regular schedule, but I need a break. I am not going to say that I won't blog at all or that I won't occasionally drop in & check in on a few blogs that I tend to follow, or that I won't hop on FaceBook via my iPhone if I am waiting in line somewhere or waiting at an appointment...but, I need a break. I am just finding that my time management skills are in need of an overhaul. I have the best intentions. However, I get on my computer & before I know it I look up & way too much time has passed me by! & yes, I recycle, but time is the one thing that can't be recycled or reused. So, for now I need to take a step back & re-evaluate how I spend my time. I feel like I am behind on some things & generally I tend to be super organized. For me, when I feel unorganized I feel stressed & everything just snowballs unnecessarily.

So, if you normally check in with me on FaceBook or my blog, just know that if you leave me a message in either place it may be days & it could even be weeks before I see it. The best way to reach me is to text me on my iPhone. If you want my iPhone number, leave me a message here & I will gladly send it to you privately. I have unlimited texting, so feel free to text me anytime. Or I can also give you my home phone number too. I still have email & plan to allow myself 15-30 minutes a day to check & return emails as needed.

I enjoy blogging & I most certainly enjoy following so many of you via your blogs. However, the whole process has just become a vacuum for me sucking up my time & I need to check myself. So, stepping back from it for a while seems like the best plan for me.

I am hoping that checking in less often, that maybe when I do check in that I might be pleasantly surprised the next time I hop onto Rumor Queen! Maybe not checking in for weeks at a time, I will hop on one day in a few weeks & see that they have gotten through a whopping two weeks! Okay, it's wishful thinking I know, but I am hopeful & prayerful for good things to come in the coming months for all of us.

I would ask for your prayers. This is going to be a challenge for me. I so enjoy keeping up with so many of you! However, I survived before & I shall survive again.

I will be back...& as I said, I am not saying that I am signing off or that I am completely going off line. I will still as time allows check in. If checking & returning emails only takes me ten minutes one day, then I will have a little time to do other things like checking in on my blogging buddies. Essentially, as long as I am not online/on the computer for more than thirty minutes on any given day I will be thrilled with myself! Like I said, I have an iPhone, so there are many times waiting in lines & at places like the oil change place for our cars that I have downtime while waiting that I could take advantage of. I just want to use the time I have better & more efficiently.

We'll see...

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Pray for Mia

I don't have much information, but just heard from Sara Lane that they are at the hospital with their little Mia. She is sick & I really don't know much more than that. As soon as I know anything more I will update. For now, I just wanted to ask that you all pray for her healing! (Click on title of this post to hop over to the Lane's blog)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Happy Birthday "Emma Kate"

This time last year Thomas & I were anxiously waiting in a hotel room for the telephone to ring.

We were waiting to hear that a sweet baby girl had been born that we were told was to be our blessing. That phone call came. As most of you know, another phone call that we were not anxiously waiting for came only days later. As I held that sweet, precious baby girl I was told that we would not parent our sweet "Emma Kate" beyond those four days. Our worst fears had once again become our reality. Her first Mother had chosen to parent her.

I was crying so hard I could barely see. My chest hurt so bad I was most certain that I was dying & in fact in that moment was wishing that I were. I was sure that nothing could have hurt any worse than what I was already suffering through. I felt panic, desperation & agony. Barely able to stand, thoughts running through my mind of how I could keep with me the most precious soul I had ever laid eyes on. I knew I had no choice. So, as quickly as I could I began to feed her, change her diaper, dress her in the sweetest little mint green jumper with pink flowers & a white collar & then I swaddled her in a pink blanket~doing this all, knowing that it would be the last time that I would have the blessing of caring for her in those ways.

Mere hours later Thomas placed her back into the arms of her first Mother & into a life that we had not wished for her.

Today as I write this, I am tear free. I feel strong. I feel hopeful, faithful & will continue to be prayerful. I know that God has a plan. He is my strength. I now know that in the past I placed faith in people & ideas, MY plans, MY dreams, MY hopes. No more. The only thing that I have faith in now is Him & His plan for my life. I am at peace that it may not be the same as my plan. I know that my life may never look like the picture that I created in my mind. I know that in this life that I may never understand. For the first time in a long time~maybe ever, I am truly okay with that.

The only thing I have hope in is in God's plan. Believing in Him & His plan~even if it doesn't turn out to be what I had hoped, I know that by doing that, that my life will turn out perfectly, just as He planned & that is all that is important. It will all be perfect in the end...knowing & truly believing that; not just speaking or writing the words, but living them has given me an unexplainable peace that I am today so grateful for.

No, when I sit back & look at my life it is not everything that I had hoped it would be. As I type this, the morning news is all that I hear in the background. There is no pitter patter of little feet behind me, no little one tugging at my shirt tail, no baby cooing in a crib in the next room, no toddler calling out for Mommy, no diaper to go change or morning bath to give, no play date to get to...no, my life is not what I had planned it to be or what I had thought it would be at this point. But, the question I instead ask now is whether or not my life is what God planned it to be. He is the only one who knows the answer. I have to let go, give all of this to Him & have faith that in doing so, whatever the outcome, I know it will be well with my soul.

Now, let's remember I am not perfect. I will still have bad days. I will still from time to time get the "Why me's?". I am human. Yes, this day, my reality~it stings. My arms still ache for her. When I close my eyes & think back to those days I can still feel her in my arms. It is difficult not to think about what I should be doing today verses what I am actually doing. Scurrying around preparing for her to wake up so that we could have the best day ever, helping her to take her first steps, taking her one year old photos~but instead, this morning I find myself praying that she wakes up to her Mommy singing sweetly a Happy Birthday tune to her, that she has a cake to dig her sweet little hands in all to herself & that she is surrounded by friends & family who are showering her with love. For me today & in years to come this will be my reality in relation to her life. I am an outsider who can't look in. I can not be part of her life & I have accepted that. My only role in her life is praying for, wishing for, hoping for & loving her... As much as I love & miss her, I am not her Mommy. A piece of my heart will forever be with her. I have accepted that. I am forever changed as a result of the four days that I got to be her Mommy & I am now & will forever be grateful for our time together. This is the new me, my new life, my reality.

I trust God.

It will all be okay.

It is all okay.

I am okay.