I have learned to hold all things loosely, so God will not have to pry them out of my hands. --Corrie ten Boom

How Much Longer?

I Knew I Loved You...

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

It Happened...

Barack Obama has been inaugurated as our 44th President & without incident, Praise the Lord! It was a beautiful ceremony. His speech was direct & honest, to the point & has called the American people to action. I kind of compare it to people who always just want a pill to cure their health & don't want to take on any work or responsibility for their own health; but instead they just want a doctor to give them a pill that they can pop that will take care of all of their ailments. He is clear that he alone can not do this; turn this country around~that he can not give us all a magic potion that is going to just magically fix things. We are going to have to endure great change & sacrifice. It is not always going to be comfortable. He is honest that it is going to be difficult at times, but that it can be done & that it will be done. Anyway...time will tell. Irregardless of people's feelings about him, whether they voted for him or not~now it is time to get behind our country & our President. One thing is for sure, things are a mess now. So, hopefully the next few months will show that we as a country are heading in the right direction. I am really proud to live in a country where we have a bi-racial President & a black First Lady. I hope that soon this will maybe help all of the country to be able to see people as just "Americans" & "Human Beings" instead of people being defined or described on the basis of the color of their skin.

Former President Bush & former First Lady, just waved to the Nation for the last time & got on the helicopter being seen off by President Obama & First Lady Michelle. Now, the President & Michelle & the Biden Vice Family are all standing on the White House Steps watching the Bush's chopper take off. Very significant moment.

I for one have not even made it to the shower today & it is noon! I didn't want to miss any of the big day. I know, we have a DVR but I felt compelled to watch it real time.

So, off to the shower for me!

18 Months Today

18 months down & how many to go? Who knows? If you know, please tell us. We would love to know. At this point, we just continue to wait. We are hopeful & prayerful. We try to remain faithful. It takes effort. We hope that someday we will finally hold our Mia Lynn in our arms.

For those of you that are not closely involved in the International Adoption world; well first let me congratulate you. Believe me, it is not a pleasant involvement as of lately! I know that you wonder & sometimes even ask what the heck is going on & why this is taking so long. I just don't have the inclination to go into it yet again in great detail. Just know, that we know the details & believe us, if there was a way to make it happen any more quickly we would as well as would the some 20,000 other families waiting in this horrid line as well. There is a process that must be followed to the letter. The process for many reasons; some known & some not so clear that this wait has grown from what was once six months to know a dreadful likely four years. The only choice we have is to get out of line or wait. For now, we choose to wait.

So, are we excited to have reached the 18 month mark? Nope. We are not. Not at all. We would have much preferred to never have reached this day. We would much rather be living our lives making memories as a family, but some things are just not in our control & this is one of them. So, we wait...

I won't be perfect, but...

There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him/her and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Monday, January 19, 2009

We find ourselves today just a little over half way through the first month of 2009. Wow, huh? Where does the time go? It just flies by faster & faster with every passing day, doesn't it? How many of you made a resolution & have kept it or maybe you are one of the ones who has already broken it & restarted it a few times. Either way, with every new sun rise the number on the calendar moves forward & you get another chance. For that, I am always grateful! We are mere hours at this point now from one of the most historic presidential inaugurations that we will likely witness in our lifetime & I can't help but wonder what the next few years will bring as a result of this. For us, this new year brings hope for so many things. We are excited. For many specific things, but for life in general. Though it is not always easy & it certainly doesn't follow our script always as we would write it if we could, but for the most part life is good & we are so glad to be living it!

We had a busy, but good weekend. On Friday night Thomas & I went our separate ways for the evening. Thomas had a business dinner. I went to meet a new friend at her home & then we walked a few houses down to her neighbors where we met about ten other women. We spent an evening just laughing, visiting, eating & playing games. They do this every second Friday of each month. They have invited me to join them on a regular basis. They are a great group. Sometimes they play Bunco, but many times they begin chatting & before they know it, they look up & it is 11PM & haven't even started the game yet! How times can fly when you get a group of chatty ladies together just soaking up everything that each of us brings to the group, huh? We made plans for our group for the upcoming year. It sounds like it will be a lot of fun. On Saturday morning, Thomas had a hair appointment & then he went to his new hiring site to catch up on some things that he hadn't been able to get done during his normal work week. He came home around 11:00, we had lunch & then just hung out. That evening we met some friends at Texas De Brazil. We had dinner. It was very good. From there we went (for the guys) & watched a UFC fight. Then, we headed out with a group of people to go & do some Karaoke. Thomas belted out "Simple Man" by Shinedown. & as usual, he was great. We didn't get home until 2:30AM! I am ashamed to say that Sunday morning I rolled over to look at the clock & it read 11:00! Oooops. We missed church! I suppose we are getting too old to be out until 2:30AM! It took me most of the day on Sunday to feel human again.

My Garmin (GPS) for whatever reason on Saturday night just quit working. We used it on the way to the restaurant & when we came out I flipped it on & nothing happened. It never would come back on. So, around noon on Sunday Thomas took it back to the electronics store where he purchased it. They gave him a little trouble, but after some "discussion" finally exchanged it for us. WHEW! I can't be without my "Glenda". Yes, I have named her! "Glenda the Garmin"! No kidding. We have a special relationship; me & my Garmin!

I had my second interview for a job at a physician's office last Wednesday. I am hopeful that I might get the call that will offer me the job this week. They said that I should hear back from them this week. At first I wasn't sure that this was the job for me, but I now find myself hopeful that I will get offered the position.

We are quickly approaching the 18th month anniversary of our log in date with China. Woohoo. Not so much really. Nothing new to say about it really other than at this point there is still no end to the wait in sight. So, we wait some more. We have a couple of potential domestic situations that may or may not come to be, so again~we just wait.

I also want to mention that today the world celebrates Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. As we reflect on what is to come in the days ahead, I can't help but think that he would be very happy to see the country embracing President Elect Obama. No, not everyone in the world voted for him & not even everyone supports him even now, however, for the most part whether you voted for him or not I think the majority of Americans are & will continue to support our new President.

Hope the new year is treating you all well so far.

Friday, January 2, 2009

And Now For 2009...

Well, first let's put a rap on 2008.

It was a good year. Okay, who am I kidding? It was a tough year in a lot of ways. Not going to rehash it all out yet again, as most of you that read my blog know of the specifics in regards to most of the tough parts that I refer to. However, overall I feel blessed & happy. Content? Well, no. But, hopefully that will come. Again~most of you know of the cause of my lack of contentedness. So, again~not up for rehashing it out yet again. It will come, right? Also, in 2008 our family was saddened with the news of someone we love dearly being devastated with a very serious diagnosis. She is a very private woman & I respect her & that so, I haven't & won't share anymore than that here~however, she is one heck of a fighter & is hanging in there every step of the way! Thomas took a big promotion & we of course made the big move. It was time & although we are not thrilled to be even farther yet from the family & friends that we love so much, we do very much like living here.

Our Christmas Holiday couldn't have been any better! We did in fact get back to Missouri spending our time between several families homes. Surprising my Mom went perfectly. She had not a clue! It was great as was my time spent with her & our whole family.

Oh & to recap from a previous post when I promised more detail about my Garmin. Still LOVE that thing! Matter of fact we are purchasing a second one for the other car. One will transfer between the two cars, but Thomas & I both like it so much & both use it enough that it warrants us each having one when we are each out in separate cars. The next vehicle we buy will have a navigation system on board. However, that is hopefully a few years away yet, so for now we will be off to purchase an additional Garmin. Who would have thought? Certainly not me!

Looking ahead to 2009~Well, of course we hope that parenthood may finally find us. We have only hoped for that for what?....oh, the last ten years. (I said I wasn't going to rehash that out yet again, didn't I?) Let's just say that there are some things on the horizon that we hope may come to be & let's just leave it at that. Thomas will finally take possession of his store in late March & Grand open in late April! YAY! Congratulations Babe! I am so proud of you! On April 25th, Thomas & I will celebrate 17 years of marriage. I am so proud of us, if I may so so myself! I hope to either take on some college courses or re-enter the work force of course all depending on how our journey to parenthood is coming along as we plan for me to stay at home with the kiddos when that time comes. 2009 will no doubt bring a whole new list of adventures for us as we venture bravely into the city of Chicago every chance we get~Navy Pier, Sears Tower, on over to the Great Lakes, the observatories, the museums, the zoos, the aquariums, the shows, the planetariums, the art exhibits & so on. We are anxious to do & see it all. C'mon spring!

We could of course get in to the whole discussion of New Year's Resolutions. Whether or not you make one & what it might be? If you did, by all means share it with us if you can. Me? Nope. No resolution really. I did read a great idea about a New Year's Word over at http://www.jessicaturnersblog.blogspot.com/ . Check out her post from Wednesday, 12/31 titled, "One Little Word 2009". I thought this was pretty cool & I have been thinking on it. However, I found to sum up a year with one word or to wrap up my hopes, aspirations & dreams for a whole year in one word~wow, it was a struggle for me! Cool idea though if you can do it, none the less. But, back to the resolution thing. For me, I went off of my low carb lifestyle nine months ago when we traveled out of state to bring our Emma Kate home. (Ugh. It always goes back to that, doesn't it?) Well, I never got back on the wagon. At the time I had lost 80 pounds. I have been fortunate in nine months not to have gained too much of that back. I did however back slide a little obviously as I have pretty much been eating whatever. When I stopped I still had about 40 pounds that I wanted to lose. So, now I am even farther behind. That's okay though. I am still way ahead & am pretty proud of myself for my accomplishment thus far. Now though it is time to get back with it. Not because it is the new year & it is most definitely not a New Year's Resolution. It is just time. The Emma thing is long over & the move happened three months ago. Waiting for life to return to "normal" is just not an excuse, so as of Monday I have been back to my low carb eating habits & thus far all is well. I will periodically keep you posted on my progress. I have lost considerably just in the last three-four days, but know it is likely all water weight. I don't count anything until it is gone & has stayed gone for a few days, but I will keep you posted from time to time on my progress. For those of you that faithfully make a resolution, may I just say best wishes as you go forward. May you keep it & feel a great sense of pride & accomplishment for doing so!

Oh & I have to say CONGRATULATIONS to Sara & Brian who just a couple of days ago laid eyes on one of the prettiest little baby girls that you have ever seen; their Mia Lin! Hop on over to their blog & take a look at their baby girl! She is just perfect...& the hair-oh my word! Get the bows packed & ready to go! http://www.lanechinaadoption.blogspot.com/ What a year it will be for them!

So, onward folks. (Tinking our glasses together...) Here is to 2009 & all that it may have in store for us! Remember, "Life is an occasion. Rise to it."