I have learned to hold all things loosely, so God will not have to pry them out of my hands. --Corrie ten Boom

How Much Longer?

I Knew I Loved You...

Friday, November 21, 2008

Well, these two pics pretty much say it all really. Sixteen months have past since our Dossier was logged in at the CCAA in China & we are still waiting. Are we closer? Well, it depends on how you look at it. Are we half way there? No. Are we even a third of the way there? Not likely. How much longer? Great question. The only ones that might have the answer to that question; the CCAA, they aren't talking. Us? We are just going to go about our life in a way that this whole China plan-it is going on the back burner. Yes, we are still hopeful & prayerful that the day will come when we will finally receive our referral & be blessed to see our sweet Mia's face for the first time. However, we are not living our life as if the dream is such a sure reality for us. We are making plans, moving forward & living our lives in such a way so that if China never comes to be for us, if we never get to bring our Mia home~then, we can still say we lived in spite of the fact that we were "in waiting" all of these years. The limbo, the constant state of uncertainty, the living as if you are waiting for the day so that you can really go on living is over for us. Life has resumed & I am better for it. China, Mia & all that comes with it will always be on my mind, but tucked away safely so that I can still function & be happy with my life & not constantly be plagued with the "ifs" & "when" every day, all day long. So, yes~yesterday marked sixteen months since our log in date, but so what? It really means very little & frankly I have wanted to be a mother as long as I can remember. All that yesterday was the anniversary of was that sixteen months ago yesterday some employee in China stamped a date on a pile of papers & put it in a huge stack with thousands of other hopeful families "lives" spelled out in black & white & displayed in photos. The date at one time meant so much to us & hopefully will again someday as with that date stamped on that paper came so much hope of a dream that we knew would soon be realized & now...well, you all know that reality is now so far from a reality & is a distant dream that we can only hope & pray for.

No comments: