Wow~

Wow, yes that is really all I could think of to say about something that I started yesterday. I posted something in a forum that is a very popular site that many people within the adoption community visit. I did it without malice, but boy was I naive. My words were read in a much different way than they were written or intended & well, the rest is history! I will not hash out all of the nasty details of exactly was or wasn't said here again on my blog. Most of you know the website & can go, if you have an hour or TEN, & read the thread if you want to. I will say in short that all I wanted to know was where everyone's minds & hearts were in regards to an issue. The issue I knew would be a very, very sensitive topic~but, I felt that the forum in which I was raising the issue was a safe place to bring it up. OOPS! Wrong again! I knew that it would not likely make me the most popular gal around, but little did I know...I was bringing up the subject of families returning to China for multiple adoptions or even families with several biological children adopting when there are many families who are childless as a result of Infertility who haven't even been once yet. I talked about back when the climate with China Adoptions was very different; the wait was much shorter & according to the CCAA; there were many more babies available for adoption. I stated that I realized that there are MANY variables to this situation, such as special needs~but, just overall I was curious as to everyone's thoughts on the subject. The one great thing that did come of it was that through some of the outrage & slamming that occurred, & believe me there was a lot of that, there were some great post. Some that I am happy to say really opened my eyes to other's points of view. There were many post just basically yelling at me telling me that I should be ashamed of myself & that I should apologize for bringing up such a topic. There were many who said that they were very offended. Some who even went as far to say something like (not quoting here, just paraphrasing)~they were planning to take their children that they have now to China with them when they go this time for their next adoption & to think that there are those who feel this way just devastated them. Surely they already knew as I am told this issue has been brought up many times in the past. I am sure that they realize that only mere years ago that this was in fact one of the rules for China-at least that is what I was told. I know too that there are some countries still today that require that the family be childless & there are those that even require Infertility to be the reason. Now hear me clearly, PLEASE~I did say FOR MY FAMILY that it would be a difficult choice for US to put ourselves in line in front a family that was childless if we already had children in the home. That being said, I said up front that I was very sensitive to the sibling issue & thankfully due to some fabulous discussion amidst all of the hype yesterday I even have a better understanding of this now. I never wanted to push my feelings on anyone else or expected them to change their views. All that I really wanted was for people to share their thoughts, opinions & feelings on the subject so that we could possibly all open our minds & walk in another's shoes if only for the discussion. I thought that this would bring people together & help us to understand one another better. Whew, I was so naive. I even said that I knew that the CCAA makes the rules & that even if someone wanted to, you have to stay in line where you are placed. I get that. Someone emailed me privately & mentioned an idea that they had about separate lines. It was a very good idea. She was afraid to post it on the forum as she said she wasn't up for all of the slamming. Her instincts were better than mine!

I haven't been back on the site recently & don't intend on it. I did however try to post a brief comment last night & now the moderator is having all post (well, at least mine & a couple others as they have mentioned it.) go through her prior to allowing them to be posted. The thing of it is, my comments were far from the hateful tone that many took. I never told anyone to be ashamed of themselves or demanded an apology. However, my comments are not being posted, nor does it appear that anyones are who has an opinion or comment that falls on the minority side of the issue. I thought forums such as this were suppose to be fair & un-bias. Now, it is like only one side of this subject is being allowed to be posted & that is very sad. I can understand moderating a site. I mean obviously we need to keep things clean, but I would hope that we would not see censorship, especially if it made a subject seem very one sided when clearly there are many on both sides of the issue. I am not saying that is what is happening, I am just saying that as of last night it appeared to me as such.

In closing, I will just say that I wasn't offended, upset or hurt by what anyone said. I appreciated the discussion. I read the thread & just tried to see through the slamming & hatefulness to get to the good stuff. Overall, it was a good discussion & I still contend a good topic that was fair to bring up in the forum in which I did.