I won't be perfect, but...

There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him/her and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

We find ourselves today just a little over half way through the first month of 2009. Wow, huh? Where does the time go? It just flies by faster & faster with every passing day, doesn't it? How many of you made a resolution & have kept it or maybe you are one of the ones who has already broken it & restarted it a few times. Either way, with every new sun rise the number on the calendar moves forward & you get another chance. For that, I am always grateful! We are mere hours at this point now from one of the most historic presidential inaugurations that we will likely witness in our lifetime & I can't help but wonder what the next few years will bring as a result of this. For us, this new year brings hope for so many things. We are excited. For many specific things, but for life in general. Though it is not always easy & it certainly doesn't follow our script always as we would write it if we could, but for the most part life is good & we are so glad to be living it!

We had a busy, but good weekend. On Friday night Thomas & I went our separate ways for the evening. Thomas had a business dinner. I went to meet a new friend at her home & then we walked a few houses down to her neighbors where we met about ten other women. We spent an evening just laughing, visiting, eating & playing games. They do this every second Friday of each month. They have invited me to join them on a regular basis. They are a great group. Sometimes they play Bunco, but many times they begin chatting & before they know it, they look up & it is 11PM & haven't even started the game yet! How times can fly when you get a group of chatty ladies together just soaking up everything that each of us brings to the group, huh? We made plans for our group for the upcoming year. It sounds like it will be a lot of fun. On Saturday morning, Thomas had a hair appointment & then he went to his new hiring site to catch up on some things that he hadn't been able to get done during his normal work week. He came home around 11:00, we had lunch & then just hung out. That evening we met some friends at Texas De Brazil. We had dinner. It was very good. From there we went (for the guys) & watched a UFC fight. Then, we headed out with a group of people to go & do some Karaoke. Thomas belted out "Simple Man" by Shinedown. & as usual, he was great. We didn't get home until 2:30AM! I am ashamed to say that Sunday morning I rolled over to look at the clock & it read 11:00! Oooops. We missed church! I suppose we are getting too old to be out until 2:30AM! It took me most of the day on Sunday to feel human again.

My Garmin (GPS) for whatever reason on Saturday night just quit working. We used it on the way to the restaurant & when we came out I flipped it on & nothing happened. It never would come back on. So, around noon on Sunday Thomas took it back to the electronics store where he purchased it. They gave him a little trouble, but after some "discussion" finally exchanged it for us. WHEW! I can't be without my "Glenda". Yes, I have named her! "Glenda the Garmin"! No kidding. We have a special relationship; me & my Garmin!

I had my second interview for a job at a physician's office last Wednesday. I am hopeful that I might get the call that will offer me the job this week. They said that I should hear back from them this week. At first I wasn't sure that this was the job for me, but I now find myself hopeful that I will get offered the position.

We are quickly approaching the 18th month anniversary of our log in date with China. Woohoo. Not so much really. Nothing new to say about it really other than at this point there is still no end to the wait in sight. So, we wait some more. We have a couple of potential domestic situations that may or may not come to be, so again~we just wait.

I also want to mention that today the world celebrates Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. As we reflect on what is to come in the days ahead, I can't help but think that he would be very happy to see the country embracing President Elect Obama. No, not everyone in the world voted for him & not even everyone supports him even now, however, for the most part whether you voted for him or not I think the majority of Americans are & will continue to support our new President.

Hope the new year is treating you all well so far.

And Now For 2009...

Well, first let's put a rap on 2008.

It was a good year. Okay, who am I kidding? It was a tough year in a lot of ways. Not going to rehash it all out yet again, as most of you that read my blog know of the specifics in regards to most of the tough parts that I refer to. However, overall I feel blessed & happy. Content? Well, no. But, hopefully that will come. Again~most of you know of the cause of my lack of contentedness. So, again~not up for rehashing it out yet again. It will come, right? Also, in 2008 our family was saddened with the news of someone we love dearly being devastated with a very serious diagnosis. She is a very private woman & I respect her & that so, I haven't & won't share anymore than that here~however, she is one heck of a fighter & is hanging in there every step of the way! Thomas took a big promotion & we of course made the big move. It was time & although we are not thrilled to be even farther yet from the family & friends that we love so much, we do very much like living here.

Our Christmas Holiday couldn't have been any better! We did in fact get back to Missouri spending our time between several families homes. Surprising my Mom went perfectly. She had not a clue! It was great as was my time spent with her & our whole family.

Oh & to recap from a previous post when I promised more detail about my Garmin. Still LOVE that thing! Matter of fact we are purchasing a second one for the other car. One will transfer between the two cars, but Thomas & I both like it so much & both use it enough that it warrants us each having one when we are each out in separate cars. The next vehicle we buy will have a navigation system on board. However, that is hopefully a few years away yet, so for now we will be off to purchase an additional Garmin. Who would have thought? Certainly not me!

Looking ahead to 2009~Well, of course we hope that parenthood may finally find us. We have only hoped for that for what?....oh, the last ten years. (I said I wasn't going to rehash that out yet again, didn't I?) Let's just say that there are some things on the horizon that we hope may come to be & let's just leave it at that. Thomas will finally take possession of his store in late March & Grand open in late April! YAY! Congratulations Babe! I am so proud of you! On April 25th, Thomas & I will celebrate 17 years of marriage. I am so proud of us, if I may so so myself! I hope to either take on some college courses or re-enter the work force of course all depending on how our journey to parenthood is coming along as we plan for me to stay at home with the kiddos when that time comes. 2009 will no doubt bring a whole new list of adventures for us as we venture bravely into the city of Chicago every chance we get~Navy Pier, Sears Tower, on over to the Great Lakes, the observatories, the museums, the zoos, the aquariums, the shows, the planetariums, the art exhibits & so on. We are anxious to do & see it all. C'mon spring!

We could of course get in to the whole discussion of New Year's Resolutions. Whether or not you make one & what it might be? If you did, by all means share it with us if you can. Me? Nope. No resolution really. I did read a great idea about a New Year's Word over at http://www.jessicaturnersblog.blogspot.com/ . Check out her post from Wednesday, 12/31 titled, "One Little Word 2009". I thought this was pretty cool & I have been thinking on it. However, I found to sum up a year with one word or to wrap up my hopes, aspirations & dreams for a whole year in one word~wow, it was a struggle for me! Cool idea though if you can do it, none the less. But, back to the resolution thing. For me, I went off of my low carb lifestyle nine months ago when we traveled out of state to bring our Emma Kate home. (Ugh. It always goes back to that, doesn't it?) Well, I never got back on the wagon. At the time I had lost 80 pounds. I have been fortunate in nine months not to have gained too much of that back. I did however back slide a little obviously as I have pretty much been eating whatever. When I stopped I still had about 40 pounds that I wanted to lose. So, now I am even farther behind. That's okay though. I am still way ahead & am pretty proud of myself for my accomplishment thus far. Now though it is time to get back with it. Not because it is the new year & it is most definitely not a New Year's Resolution. It is just time. The Emma thing is long over & the move happened three months ago. Waiting for life to return to "normal" is just not an excuse, so as of Monday I have been back to my low carb eating habits & thus far all is well. I will periodically keep you posted on my progress. I have lost considerably just in the last three-four days, but know it is likely all water weight. I don't count anything until it is gone & has stayed gone for a few days, but I will keep you posted from time to time on my progress. For those of you that faithfully make a resolution, may I just say best wishes as you go forward. May you keep it & feel a great sense of pride & accomplishment for doing so!

Oh & I have to say CONGRATULATIONS to Sara & Brian who just a couple of days ago laid eyes on one of the prettiest little baby girls that you have ever seen; their Mia Lin! Hop on over to their blog & take a look at their baby girl! She is just perfect...& the hair-oh my word! Get the bows packed & ready to go! http://www.lanechinaadoption.blogspot.com/ What a year it will be for them!

So, onward folks. (Tinking our glasses together...) Here is to 2009 & all that it may have in store for us! Remember, "Life is an occasion. Rise to it."

Here they are.
The top ten boy & girl names for 2008:
2008
Girls:
1. Isabella
2. Ava
3. Emily
4. Elizabeth
5. Abigail
6. Madison
7. Emma
8. Addison
9. Madeline
10. Olivia

Boys:
1. Aidan
2. Jayden
3. Jacob
4. Michael
5. Ethan
6. Caden
7. James
8. Caleb
9. Andrew
10. Matthew
I did this same post last year & if I remember correctly, I don't know that this has changed all that much. Think I will have to go back & take a look to satisfy my curiosity.

Okay, I couldn't stand it. I went back & looked. It is a little different. Here they are just as a refresher from 2007.

Girls:

Sophia, Isabella, Emma, Madison, Ava, Addison, Hailey, Emily, Kaitlyn, Olivia

Boys:

Aiden, Ethan, Jacob, Jayden, Caleb, Noah, Jackson, Jack, Logan, Matthew

A Big Surprise!

You won't believe what happened a couple of days ago. It is a secret though~so, shhh! (Well, a secret from my Mom anyway & she doesn't have Internet access, thus she is not a blog reader! So, our secret should be safe here!) Thomas surprised me with the news that we get to go back to Missouri for Christmas! Can you believe that? I still can't believe it. The thought never even ever crossed my mind as I assumed that is wasn't even a possibility. As always, I knew that Thomas would have to work the day before & the day after. Well, the other day he was visiting with his District Manager. He asked Thomas what our plans were for Christmas. Thomas told him probably just a quiet dinner, just the two of us. Then he asked Thomas what we wanted for Christmas. Thomas told him that honestly we don't want for anything & that as cliche' as it might sound just health & happiness for us, our family & our friends. Thomas explained that we really don't get too hyped up about doing the gift thing & try to not get caught up in all the commercialism & stress of it all. Anyway, then he said to Thomas, "What about going home?". Thomas told him that we never even considered it. He then went on to basically tell Thomas that since his store isn't open yet & most of what he is doing right now he won't be able to do around the holiday since so many things will be closed for business & that the store where he is filling in as Interim Manager has people there who can carry out Thomas's instructions~anyway, he told Thomas that he was giving him a Christmas gift...to take off Wed., Thurs. Fri. Sat. & Sun. so that we can go home! (They further went on to discuss how many hours will be required of him in the coming months in preparation to get the store open~) The only person that knows this yet is my Dad. We are not telling my Mom. I am going to call her on my cell phone when she gets to the dinner on Christmas Day at my Aunt's house to tell her "Merry Christmas" & that we miss her & wish that we could be there & so on. I am then going to tell her that I had something delivered for everyone for Christmas since we couldn't be there (I have done this before, so this will not make her suspicious) & that it should be out on the front porch & that I need her to go & get it. Then I am going to ring the door bell & have Dad make sure she answers it & I am going to be standing there on my cell phone talking to her. We don't exchange Christmas gifts~so, this is our gift to her. We are excited & hoping that the weather will cooperate for our travels! It has been a little crazy weather wise up here the last few days, but we dug out & the roads were fine. (Well, Thomas had to work~I dug out of our driveway. Let's just say I will not be doing any arm work at the gym today. Oh my goodness I can barely lift my arms from all that shoveling!) Thomas had an hour commute to where he needed to go the other day for business, so he waited until about 9AM so that they had time to get more salt on the roads, but he did fine. We thankfully have a four wheel drive, so we should do just fine. Might take us a little longer, but short of some major ice, we should travel fine. It will take us, if the roads are good about seven to eight hours depending on how many times we stop. I have spoken to my Mom several times in the past couple of days & have had to catch myself just in the nick of time from spilling the beans! Thank goodness I didn't spoil it. As far as I can tell, she doesn't have any idea!

My MIL knows too. We will arrive at her home on Christmas Eve. We will have Christmas Eve Dinner there with her, Thomas sister & her family & Thomas's brother. We so wish that Thomas's other sister Terry could be there as well, but at this time we are not aware of any plans for her to be able to join us. We will spend the night there & then the next day will head about thirty minutes more of a drive to my Aunt's for Christmas Day festivities. Then, that evening we will head home with my parents about another thirty minute drive & stay with them a couple of days. Then, we will come back through & visit with Thomas's Mom for a bit longer. Then on the way back to Illinois we will stop in our old town & check on our house that is there on the market. Then, we will come on home to Illinois. Should be a great trip. We are excited!

All is well here. Thomas's job is going very well & we are thankful everyday for it! So many right now are out of work & not able to find jobs. We do not take his job for granted or the living that it provides us.

Looking forward to 2009~guess I should mention yesterday's significance. It was seventeen months to the day since we were logged in for China. Yep, seventeen months with no end to the wait in sight. Well, let me just say that we assume that is right. Within this last batch there were seven families who were supposedly logged in on a specific date & were suppose to be included in this batch of referrals. There referrals did not come. When their agencies checked with China they were told that there log in dates were actually not what they had been told & were something different. So, now back in the line they go & they must wait longer. So, with that in mind~according to what we have been told, with a log in date of 07/20/07 we hit the seventeenth month mark as of yesterday. We did nothing to mark the day other than to make note of it & went on.

Any other adoption news? A little. Don't want to get into it a lot at this time as we really don't have a lot that we can share. For now, please just be in prayer that if these little babies (yes, I said babies) are meant to be our children that they will be. We are a long way from knowing that, but a few things have unfolded recently that may indeed be indicative that they may in fact be. However, as I said~we are months away from knowing for sure & are likely a ways away from being able to share much more than that. I can & will share that their mother was on December 9th five months pregnant with the babies. After what we have been through, our feet are very much now & will continue to remain on the ground about this. If in fact these are our children, we will be thrilled more than words could ever articulate. However, right now they are not~so, until then-if that times comes or if it doesn't we just hope & pray that if they are meant to join our family & we are meant to be Mommy & Daddy to them that God will bless all of us involved & that things will go as they are suppose to. The story is after all already written. (Jeremiah 29:11) It is a page turner, that's for sure!

I have been doing quite a bit of baking. Homemade pumpkin bread, cookies & such. I have enjoyed it & have very much enjoyed passing the goodies out to our friends & neighbors. For the first time in a long time we have an oven that isn't ancient. This one cooks evenly & even has a timer~I know, probably not a big deal to those of you who have always had one. However, from someone who has had an oven that burned nearly everything for the last seven years-believe me, this is a thrill!

I just want to take a minute to tell each of you Merry Christmas. Here's hoping that 2009 for us all brings good health, much happiness & His continued abundant blessings! & for those of us struggling to grow our families~here's hoping that 2009 may finally bring for us some peace, no matter how it comes-whether it is reassurance, renewed faith & hope or maybe even finally some of us will see our babies faces for the first time & better yet maybe even hold them in our arms. Whatever lies ahead for each of us as we continue our individual journey's, may we have peace!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Update on Raffle/Give Away~

****ANOTHER UPDATE: Checked in on MckMama & the Fam & guess what? Raffle is over...Nope, I didn't win~but that is totally okay! Why is it so okay, you ask? Well, because some great charities totally won in a HUGE way. The final tally at last check was OVER $19,000.00!!!!!! WAY TO GO to all of us that participated! & the wonderful lady that did win hasn't totally revealed her scheme just yet, but it sounds like she has something under her sleeve to "pay it forward" as a result of her good fortune. So, stay tuned to see what her plan is. I have an idea, but I won't spoil it just incase I am correct.


****UPDATE: 12/12/08~I checked this morning & even though the "chip in" box is now stuck on a little over $10,000, MckMama reports that they have now raised OVER $12,000 up to this point. Three more days to enter. Happy raffling!

I don't know why~but, every time I click on the link to hop over & see how the fundraising is going with the Raffle/Give Away mentioned in my previous post, it is still showing that they are at just over $4,000.00. However, MckMama posted & stated that they are currently at $7,482.30! Such wonderful news, huh?

AWESOME RAFFLE FOR A GREAT CAUSE!

Click on over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net/!!! MckMama is having one heck of a give away/raffle! Get in on the action before it is too late! What a fabulous idea! This is so exciting! Happy raffling!
(If you use the link over to the side of my blog, instead of the link above within this post you might (for some reason) get a pop up asking for a password. If so, just hit cancel whenever that pops up~mine does it three times. I just hit cancel & it goes away. ????)