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Onto the next round...

As of today it appears that we are not pregnant this month. (Sister in law called this AM) That's okay...Onto the next month. It would have been great, but the specialist tells us on average that it takes about three months with this process & that there is a learning curve that comes every month that is most often helpful. So, with that we move on. We have talked at length & are in the process of coming up with our game plan for our next cycle. We have a pretty good idea of what might have happened & are gathering our plan as to what we will do differently this time. We will speak with the doctor, get her input & decide for sure the best way to proceed. We will do this tomorrow as it will be time before we know it to try again, probably in about nine-twelve days. So, it won't be long.

For now, that is about it really here at our place. My niece Maddie will start 4th grade on Wednesday. How exciting! Good luck Madison! We know you will do so wonderful! You are a super star & Uncle Thomas & I are so, so proud of you!

Okay, more later.

We're home...

We are home from St. Louis. We arrived back home this past Sunday. We had a great time. Can you believe that we didn't take one single photo! Crazy, huh? We were just too involved & having to much fun. To be honest, I just didn't want to be bothered with it. Let's see, where to start? We just really had a good time. Our hotel was amazing. It was more like a suite. It had not one, but three flat screen televisions...one of which was in the bathroom so you could watch while you were in the tub! Go figure?!?!? It had a little living room area with a couch & some chairs & then you turned & went up a few stairs to get to the bedroom. It was beautiful & certainly it spoiled us for a few days! The place had the most awesome indoor/outdoor pool & hot tubs, all of which we enjoyed most everyday that we were there. One evening my Aunt & Uncle came down to see us. They only live about an hour away from St. Charles (which is actually where we stayed). We had a lot of fun with them. We hit one of the casinos for a little while & then ate a wonderful dinner while they were there & just really enjoyed our visit with them. On another evening we went to the Maryland Plaza area & ate at this place called "The Drunken Fish". WOW! Wonderful Sushi! We sat outside & enjoyed our meal. It was the neatest little area of town. There was such a great mix of people & it was a beautiful evening out...perfect weather! Then, from there we drove & met a friend of ours for an evening of fun & had a great time with him. Another night we met another friend who lives in Warrenton. We met her, her boyfriend & her kids for dinner & then went to her new house & visited for a while. We did some shopping, at some great food, swam, RELAXED, worked out everyday, visited with family & friends, watched movies together & just basically immersed ourselves in all things "Thomas & Jen" when & how it suited us. Oh & speaking of the working out...if I may brag on myself a little. (For those of you that run, you will understand this...) I made six miles while we were away. The gym where we stayed had the most awesome Precor equipment. It was so smooth! Anyway, the machines had these t.v.'s hooked to the front of them. I plugged my Mp3 player headphones into it & took off. After a while I almost forgot what I was doing. I just kept going. The next day I only did four miles. None the less, I am getting there! Still not confident enough to officially call myself a "runner", but I am learning the ropes & getting better at it everyday.

From St. Louis we headed to my parents home at the Lake of the Ozarks. We stayed with them through Sunday. We had a nice visit. My brother & his family came over one evening for a really yummy dinner. Madison; my niece, & I went shopping & basically the rest of the time we just hung out. It was great to be with our family!

We are settling back in at home now. Back to work schedules, household chores & commitments...that's okay though, for the most part life is good.

When I last posted I had told you that my SIL was having her insemination's. Well, she had one on that Monday & the second one the next day on Tuesday. They both went well. Now we are just waiting. Today is day nine post insemination. So, it won't be long now until we now if we are pregnant or not. She is in fact having a symptom or two that could lead us to believe that maybe this worked the first time around, but we are trying not to over analyze every little detail. Most of you know how difficult that is, not to ponder & over think every single little twinge, ache or pain during the two week wait to find out, but we are trying very hard to keep our feet on the ground & to remain hopeful, but to be very cautiously optimistic at the same time. We don't have any expectations really. It is what it is & is done & over at this point...all but the finding out. They tell us that there is a 40-70% chance that it worked. So, for now we just continue to wait.

The Olympics have been pretty amazing, huh? Go Michael Phelps! (Like he needs any cheering on!) That guy is a phenom! I read an article today where he says that he eats on average 12,000 calories a day & he can't keep weight on! He burns so many carbs training that he is still burning more than he takes in! http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/Michael-Phelps?urn=oly,100671
The above is the link to the article where he talks about it. He list his normal daily menu...you won't believe it!

Well, referrals did in fact come in while we were away. It looks like even though technically more days were referred as you would calculate on a calendar, that the CCAA only got through two actual log in dates. Well, all I can say is at least they are through January 06, right? Now, with the Olympics in full swing, it will be interesting to see where we go from here. Congrats to all of you families who have just seen their babies faces for the very first time! What a moment that must have been! It won't be long until he or she will be in your arms!

Well, I am off to call my SIL before she heads into work for the day. I want to see how she is today. I know if there was anything to tell she would have already called us, but I can't resist checking in with her! :o)

Exciting Times...

We are leaving in the morning for St. Louis for a few days. Thomas & I had some time to take off & since we only just got back from the Dominican not too long ago & are headed to Wisconsin in early October, we just wanted to get away for a few days, but not too far. When we leave there, we will head to my parents home about three hours from there to stay for a few days. We are really looking forward to our time away & our visit with our family. We really don't have any big plans while in St.Louis. We might enjoy walking around the Zoo IF it is not too hot or maybe the Botanical Gardens. However, really the only things we are planning is to sleep in, enjoy hotel life with some room service, get up & work out everyday in the awesome gym at the hotel, get ready at our leisure & then maybe do some shopping. We will likely check out the Babies-R-Us to do some window shopping too. (We don't have one in the town where we live.) The other thing that we have planned is to find a really good Sushi place one night for dinner. We really like Sushi & in order to get good Sushi, the city is our best option. We might go see a comedy show or a band somewhere too. We know this Karaoke place too that Thomas has sang at before & we will probably go there too. We have some friends that live in St. Louis, so hopefully we will get to see them while we are there. We are really looking forward to it.

We have kind of big news. Well, today was cycle day 10 for SIL. She had spoken to her Reproductive Endocrinologist on Friday who told her to start testing twice daily that day watching for her LH surge. So, that was on CD8. She had already tested for baseline on CD4, due to the fact that we know that woman her age can sometimes just have higher levels of LH all month long, so if & when we got the surge we wanted to make sure that it was a true surge. Thankfully her baseline was totally negative. The LH surge apparently is indicative that you will ovulate in the next 12-48 hours from everything that we have read. Well, guess what? SHE SURGED TODAY! She called us a little bit ago & said, "This is your surging sister in law calling!". I was so surprised as we didn't expect it for a few days yet. She called the clinic & her RE was on call. I guess the docs have Blackberry's. So, the operator asked SIL what she wanted in the message line to RE to say & she would send her a message. So, SIL told her to just put, "LH surge now." . Within about forty five seconds the RE herself called SIL back. SIL said that she is just blown away by the personal service that she has been receiving from the clinic. RE personally called SIL on Friday & said, "Your vials have arrived!". And then they proceeded to talk for twenty minutes! I think that maybe the RE is a little excited to be working with a very reproductively healthy female & perfect male sperm/specimen. I think probably she is so used to dealing with so much infertility that she is enjoying this run at this with a situation that is not her norm at the clinic. Anyway, SIL is to be there at 8AM tomorrow morning for the first insemination & at 8AM on Tuesday morning for the second. We are cautiously excited. We are just excited for now that thus far things are going so well. RE said that CD10 is perfect as that would indicate that SIL will ovulate likely around CD12 or 13 as last month she was a 27 day cycle. She is usually 27-28 days. So, "this all totally makes perfect sense"...those are the RE's words. So, anyway~potentially our baby could be conceived in the next couple of days. Wow, huh? And then...the wait for the next couple of weeks to see if this first round results in conception. Ugh...the waiting! Considering what we have been through, we have fairly low expectations that it will happen the first month, but statistically the RE says the chance is about 40-70%...so, those are pretty good odds really.

Well, gotta continue working on some cleaning & household chores. You know, laundry & such. Want it all done prior to being away for a bit. The neighbors take care of things for us while we are away, but just like things to be in order when we get home.

Take care. Have a good week. I will likely not have Internet access all week. I hope referrals show up or at the very least some great rumors regarding referrals start to surface. Thomas & I have been watching the Olympic trials & are planning to watch the Opening Ceremonies on the 8th. We will be glad when they are done & over...the Olympics I mean. We are more interested in seeing what will come of the CCAA's progress after they end than we are interested in the Olympics. I must say though, that the trials have been exciting & we have enjoyed watching them together the last few days. Our fingerprints expire in September. Our agency tells us to let them expire. Oh my...I don't know what I think about that. Guess we will dive into all of that when we get home. Our I-171H expires 12/22/08. According to our agency that is the one that we need to stay on top of . It all confuses us to be totally honest. At this point I am not sure the right hand knows what the left is doing. You know? (All of this is for anyone involved in a China adoption right now. For the rest of you, most of that will mean nothing to you.) A lot of agencies I guess are now saying 31-48 months for a total wait time. We are about a year in. We have to admit that for the very first time we have pondered the thought that if this situation with our SIL works out, what will we do? If she would have twins, would we consider pulling out of China? I don't know. We doubt that we would, but anymore we just almost feel like we just want our babies & want to live our lives. We are tired of this being the focus of our lives & feeling so consumed by it all. I know that you understand. Actually, SIL surprised us again the other day by saying that IF this works out & goes off without a hitch that she would likely do it again for us as soon as she safely could. Wow, huh? We will just see. One day at a time. Let's get pregnant the first time first! :o)

Like I said, have a good week. I will be thinking of you & hoping to come home to a new date posted that the CCAA referred to that is way far into the future & to a RQ post with lots of gorgeous little faces that will soon be coming home!

Just checking in...

Not a lot to post about today...just thought that I would check in. Things are going well with us. I will be picking up more hours at work in the coming weeks. They are short handed & since we are still childless there is not really any reason that I can't be out of the home a little more often & pick up some more shifts at the hospital, so I did. Plus, it is nice to have the extra income so we can save a little more back. The only reason that I had cut back on my hours a few months ago was in preparation to stay home with "Emma Kate". Since she is not with us, I will be working more again...for a little while anyway.

We are getting closer & closer to our big day. It won't be long now before our surrogate will have the first insemination. We are so excited & so grateful. The truth is, we have no expectations. Honestly, we are just so grateful for each day that we are blessed to be able to have so many feelings of excitement & anticipation. We are so thankful to have hope once again. We are thrilled to be able to look ahead to our future & know that there is a chance that our greatest dream may actually come true. For these things, we are so, so grateful. For now, that is enough. We are taking each day as it comes, one at a time. We are hoping soon to have very "positive" news to share with you all!

I just got finished working out. Whew! It is so hot. It was ridiculous hot here today anyway. Our air conditioner is cranking & I had the fan on me while I was on the treadmill & I am still soaked in sweat. I went to a few garage sales this morning in search of a great bargain that I just couldn't live without...& what do you know~I found a few! Ha. I got so hot by about 10AM, I threw in the towel on that agenda & headed to Wal-Mart. We have a week off in early August & we are headed to see my family. They live by a huge touristy area with a major lake. We are going to do some fishing, swimming, BBQ'ing etc. I needed a new swimsuit to take along. While recently in the Dominican Republic we realized that mine was a little thin in the derriere region! Ooops! You could about see right through the darn thing. I have a couple, but that one was my favorite. So, I wanted to find another one that I really liked. Then, after Wal-Mart I went to Maurices & bought a couple of new outfits. Guess I was in a shopping mood. I am a big second hand shopper. I don't generally buy brand new, at least where clothes are concerned, unless it is for a special event. Well, along my weight loss journey I have pretty much gotten rid of a lot of my clothes as they were too big. I just don't have a lot of summer items that aren't just t-shirts & capris or workout wear. You know, stuff that is just fine for around the house or a trip to the grocery store, but not so great for an evening out with your hubby or your friends. So, I bought a few things today that I am really happy with. I was feeling like a slouch always wearing t-shirts, so I broke down & made a few purchases.

We had major flooding here in our town just a couple of nights ago! We got something like eight inches just over night. It was awful. So many people's homes were flooded. We had many city streets & main roads closed with water up over the road. One of the local parks was completely flooded. There was water up over top of the picnic tables! They are calling for rain for the next five to six days. We just feel so badly for the families that have been affected. We have a garden that is suffering terribly. However, it is not a crop that we rely on to feed our family necessarily or provide monetary income for us. There are so many that have crops & farms that are a source of income & food for their families. They have so much invested. I can only imagine what that must feel like to be helpless in regards to the weather only to be able to stand by & watch it happen. Our thoughts & prayers are with all those who are suffering at the hands of Mother Nature right now!

One year ago today...

Well, we have reached a milestone of sorts today I suppose. One year ago today the CCAA in China logged in our Dossier & our wait for our Mia officially began. We are not "celebrating" this day. Not really a conscious choice not to do so, we have recognized that today is one year & we talked about it & are very thankful that we are one year closer than we were before. However, that will be the extent of it. Every day we long for her, every day we think about her & pray for her, every day we wonder how much longer & every day we are ridden with anxiety in regards to all of the uncertainty these days with China Adoption. My point? Today is no different. All of those things are just the same.

We are having a very good weekend. Thomas & I are both off. We are enjoying our time together very much. We went to our local farmer's market yesterday where we walked around & purchased some produce & some other goodies. Then we hit the coffee shop. We got coffee & bagels. We found a bench there on the square & enjoyed our breakfast. We visited with some people that we ran into that we knew. We came home & watched a movie & then grilled out last evening. It is great having Thomas back at home.

Some friends from a local waiting group are in China now & finally have their sweet little Lindley. http://lindleybuchanan.blogspot.com/ You can go here to their blog & read a little about their first meeting & see a couple of photos. They haven't posted much as they have said, "We have been busy being parents." So understandable! However, they have taken the time to keep us posted on how things are going. Congratulations Buchanan Family!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

A lot going on...

Things have been a little hectic for us lately. Thomas has been away on business for the past four weeks. He has been in Arkansas. Thankfully, he has been coming home on the weekends. Although we both enjoy our visit & he really needs the time at home, it is a long drive for him round trip in such a short amount of time. The trip is about eight hours one way! He could have flown, but the airport he would have most likely flown out of is quite a drive from our home. By the time he would have driven to the airport he would have been almost halfway to his destination. Well, not quite half way, but he still felt like it would have been more trouble than it was worth to fly, so he chose to drive. He says that although he has not necessarily enjoyed being away from me & our home, that this business trip as far as his career is concerned has been worth every second of being there. In relation to his job, this has been a very successful trip.

Some of you also know that Thomas is beginning to interview for a different position within his company. The interview process is tough. Most of the people in Thomas's position that have interviewed for this promotion in the past have gone through the process six-nine times before actually getting the placement that they are trying for. It is a three step process that involves first a phone interview, then a second phone interview & then a face to face interview which also includes actually performing the duties of the job for part of the day while being monitored by the superiors that are conducting the interview. You don't necessarily go through the whole process every time, it just depends on how far you get. About a month ago Thomas got asked to do his first interview. He only got through the first telephone interview which was fine & what he expected. He just chalked it up to a good experience & that he was thankful that he would know more of what to expect next time. Well, while in Arkansas last week he got a call that they wanted him to do another phone interview for a different location. He did the first phone interview, the next day they called him & that afternoon did the second phone interview & then that afternoon told him to be in Illinois on Monday morning to do the face to face interview. Whew. What a whirlwind. It is down to Thomas & two other candidates. He doesn't anticipate getting this one as this is as I said only his second go at it. Again, he is just very happy to have the opportunity & to get more experience in regards to the interview process. (For those of you that don't know, Thomas works for a huge company that has stores all over the world. He is currently applying to take the next step up from the position that he has now. Since this is a public blog, sometimes I don't know how explicit I should be, but most of you know where he works that need to & I will just leave it at that for now.) His boss here in town told him that last week regional supervisors from other areas also called for a reference on Thomas as well. So, it sounds like we may be moving soon, however, we have thought that for a while now & haven't yet. Plus, if everyone else is going through six-nine interviews before they are getting their placement Thomas may have a while yet to go. Who knows? We may be calling Illinois home in the near future. I think the other two locations mentioned this last week were Kansas & Arkansas. Time will tell.

This week on the 16th of July "Emma" will turn three months old. It feels like to me she should be about one year old already. I don't know why that is. I have said that before. I have finally reached a point of accepting what happened and I have also accepted that we will never get her back. I am okay with that, but only because I have no other choice. Life is short & I refuse to waste any more of my days always being sad & hoping & praying for something that is just not going to happen. I am a very proactive person. If there is something that I want, then I want to be actively working towards it. I have a very difficult time just sitting idly by waiting. I want to take action. There is no action that I can take, nothing that I can do to fix this. So my only choice is just to let it go; let her go & I have done that. However, I still miss her terribly & I doubt that will ever change. At least I miss our time with her, the "Emma" that we knew. I have accepted that she has a new life now, a different mother & even a new name. I know that the "Emma" that we miss doesn't exist other than in our minds, our hearts & our dreams. Her picture is on our fridge & many times while doing dishes the tears will come as I gaze at her sweet little face daydreaming about what she is doing or what she looks like today. That happens less & less as I know that I must move on. I will & I have. That said, if the phone would ring & on the other end it was her mother saying that she had once again reconsidered...we would be in the car on our way to her in a moments notice! We don't think that will happen, but the reality is that if it did, we know that we would not even have to think about whether or not to go as our hearts have already made that decision for us.

The same day that "Emma" turns three months old is also the one year anniversary of our "DTC" or "Date to China" for our Dossier. Then, on the 20th of this month we will have our one year anniversary of our "LID" or "Log In Date" of our Dossier being logged in. (when our waiting officially began) One year anniversary...so many say, "We will celebrate our one year anniversary of our LID..." Me? I just say that we will have our one year anniversary. Yes, I am very glad that a year has past & that we are at least that much closer to Mia & I am grateful for that, but celebrate? We will celebrate when we get our referral. Okay, maybe we will go for Chinese or something. Maybe we will do something to mark the occasion. I do want to be able to tell Mia that we celebrated on that day. However, mostly I will just be thinking that we should be already home with her by now. I will be pondering as I do everyday just how much longer will we have to wait. I will feel anxious & ridden with anxiety about the unknown that is our reality, all of our realities (for those of you waiting for your child too) in the world of our China adoptions right now.

Something that I have not been able to share until now I have decided to share today. I won't share the all of the specifics yet & especially not here on my public blog. However, the people in our lives that needed to first know of this now know so I feel more comfortable sharing some things about a new chapter in our lives here now. A while back someone very close to us offered to carry a baby for us. (as we get farther along & with her permission I may be able to share with you exactly who, but for now just know that it is someone who we love & trust more than words can express. It will be as close to me carrying this baby as possible as we have ZERO doubt in regards to any relinquishment issues.) We have went through all of the preliminary things that will be necessary in order for us to move forward with this. She has been to first her OB/GYN & then on to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. There have been many steps along the way & now we find ourselves almost there. We are very excited. Please keep us all in your thoughts & prayers for a healthy pregnancy & a healthy baby. As I said, there are lots of details, but most of them would just bore you. You get the idea of what is going to happen. Now at this stage, just as if it were Thomas & I trying to conceive we are hopeful & prayerful that conception will take place. Once that has happened we will then of course move to being hopeful & prayerful that the pregnancy will be maintained, that this most fabulous woman keeping our baby safe & sound for nine months will remain healthy & well & that at the end of it all we will have a healthy child! We will keep you posted as details that we can share become available! Wish us luck! Let us just say too, you know who you are & if you are reading this we love you...& as we have said many times, but it bears repeating a million more...we will never be able to say thank you enough. We will never be able to express with words what this means to us. You have heard it all already, but be warned you will hear it over & over...thank you. Typing those two little words seems like a joke when trying to express the gratefulness that is in our hearts where you are concerned, but I know that you get it & that you understand. I hope & pray that in our talks & letters back in forth in the past that we have in some way expressed our thoughts & feelings to you in a manner that maybe meant a little more than just a simple "thank you".

We are going to have a garage sale. My house is cluttered with stuff that we don't wear, use or need. So, it is time once again to gather it all & sell it! Our third bedroom has been taken over with all of the items piled up that we have gathered thus far. This will be a process that will be ongoing over the next few weeks. I am not sure yet when we will have it, but we do know that we will be having it sooner than later & in the meantime I have just accepted that this house is going to be a mess! IF we find out we are moving soon, then it will turn into a MAJOR moving sale as much of what we have is not going with us! However, the furniture & a lot of the larger items will not be sold until we move. So, we may have one sale now & another when we move. Unless of course we find out we are moving soon. Then, we will just have the one in a few weeks. Garage sales are a lot of work, but it will be nice to have everything organized & cleaned out. For whatever reason I in the cleaning/organizing mood. I am catching up on my filing, getting this garage sale business under way & when it is all done I am going to give my house a good cleaning! I have been a slacker in that department lately & it is certainly in need of a good ol' top to bottom shapin' up!

Anyone working out these days? I am & could use some motivation from time to time if anyone has any to pass around. I am using our treadmill, our elliptical & our weights four-five times per week. I have been diligent for about three weeks now. Prior to that it was really just hit & miss in spurts. I don't mind it once I get going & my endorphins kick in, but I tell you the first fifteen minutes, boy do I wanna quit. Worse than that, getting started kills me. I procrastinate & just get myself in quite the mood knowing that the time has come! For me it is working better to get it done & over first thing in the morning so I don't focus on knowing that I have yet to get it done all day long. However, when I work I have to be there at 6AM, so there is no way that it gets done in the morning before work. I work a twelve hour shift, so that means I get home around 6:30PM & then after that have a really hard time doing it for sure. I only work two-three days a week that shift, so that shouldn't cause me too much of a problem. Thomas is doing great with it too! He has been running & doing the elliptical. He is finding that it really is a great release for him. He puts on his MP3 player & hangs in there for an hour plus. This morning I slept in & I heard him working out downstairs. When I got up he was soaked in sweat. I was impressed as it wasn't even 7:30AM yet! Anyway...any thoughts, tips, advice or just encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

With Thomas being gone the last four weeks I have had all of the responsibilities of the household both inside & out. We usually tend to do the yard work together anyway as I enjoy being outdoors this time of year. However, we have a huge lot. It is about big enough for at least two homes if not three with decent size yards. Anyway, with a rider to mow it & then weed eat it takes about four hours. The other night I had quite a fiasco. I couldn't get the mower started, then I finally did, ran it out of gas, didn't have any more here at home, had to go to the gas station a hot, disgusting, sweaty mess, was frustrated from all of that & ran over two of our cedar bushes in my haste & ate two holes in them with the mower in our front yard, flooded the weadeater, never could get it started...need I say more! Ugh. Plus, with all of this rain I by myself can not stay on top of the weeds in our garden. It is ridiculous! One day when Thomas was home he spent eight hours on his knees out there pulling grass out of our garden. I felt so bad because by the time he got home the next weekend it was all almost back. With so much rain & then the sun comes out...there is just no staying on top of it. Everyone tells me they are having the same problem this season. I will say though that we are already getting jalapeno peppers, Anaheim peppers & grape tomatoes. The garden doesn't look anything compared to what it did this time last year as the flood of 2008 took its toll on it pretty bad, but it is surviving. It doesn't look the best, but we still enjoy it.