Journey To Mia Lynn.....

Wonderful Surprise

2009-10-13T07:30:00.000-07:00

Such busy weeks ahead for us! Everything is going very well. A is feeling very tired & struggling with rib & back pain. She gets B12 shots weekly right now as that was running low. She always feels so much better after she gets that. She is also getting weekly adjustments. The doctor no sooner gets her ribs back in & Brynn kicks them back out. Little stinker!

We will be very soon making the road trip to spend some time with A & her family. We are so excited. We have plans to spend quality time together cooking, Scrabble marathons & just lots of hanging out. No agenda really, just planning to have a great time!

We had our meeting with our case worker yesterday in her office as we continue to work on getting our home study updated. It went very well. It lasted about two hours. It was very neat for me to be able listen to Thomas elaborate on many of the topics brought up by our case worker solely from his perspective. He is pretty amazing. As I listened to him talk openly about many of the subjects that she was interested in hearing more about I felt so blessed. I sat there in awe of him, his attitude & his ability to articulate to her his most intimate feelings on subjects that most would prefer to keep private. I can't wait until he gets to be Daddy!

Thursday morning we will have a home visit with our case worker. Been through it all before, so it's been a fairly simple process for us. Just a little time consuming. We will be pretty close to finished by the time we leave for our trip. At our meeting yesterday though our case worker assured us that even if Brynn would choose to meet us all a little earlier than expected, or even a lot earlier, that we shouldn't be worried. She let us know that we are far enough along even now to get a permit until everything can be completed officially. No worries! That was a relief to hear that.

As for the wonderful surprise, Thomas & I found a package from A in our mailbox last week. It was not only new ultrasound pictures, but also a CD & a VIDEO! We are so thankful & grateful to A for blessing us with this wonderful surprise! The pictures were great, & the video, well...just amazing! She was moving non stop. She would draw up her legs & stretch them out, she was kicking, she threw her hand over her face at one point, & there was a very good shot between the legs that we missed the first time that we saw it. We stopped the video & now feel very confident that the sea of pink sleepers packed are just what we will need! At one point in the video it appears that she pulls her hand up to her mouth & pops out her little thumb & it looks like she popped it into her mouth. I honestly could put the video in & just play it over & over. Also, the part where they record & calculate the heartbeat was so awesome to be able to hear. Like I said, what a blessing! We are so grateful & thankful to have received the package. I don't know if you are reading this A, but if so, I am sure you are getting tired of hearing it by now, but THANK YOU again SO much!

I am making list, checking them twice & crossing things off as completed. Our calendar is a little ridiculous with list that we are making to help us to get things done. Today, I am getting my hair done. I am also going to the post office to stop our mail so that when we take our trip our mailbox won't overflow. Then, going for an oil change to get our car ready for the road trip & so on.

We are about 42 days (not like I am counting?!?!?) until the scheduled induction day. Time seems to be moving very quickly now. Right now, we are just looking so forward to spending time with A! Won't be long now.

Better go! There is a segment coming on the the Today Show titled, "Best Toys & Must Haves for Babies". Think I should pay attention!

Blessings!

Changes Are Coming...

2009-10-06T06:54:00.000-07:00

Happy fall ya'll!

As the leaves begin to change & fall arrives, our family is seeing some big changes as well! Very soon, as time allows, I will be revamping "Journey To Mia Lynn" as we have come to know it, including a change in the blog name as well. There are several reasons that these changes are coming.

As most of you know, our wait to China just seems to continue to grow longer. We are still logged in & at this time for now plan to leave our Dossier logged in with the CCAA in China. We are logged in with a log in date of July 20, 2007 in the Non-Special Needs line. The process which we were originally told would take us nine to fourteen months is now being estimated in excess of a five year total wait time. There seems to be no one who is willing to or who seems to be able to tell us even an estimate of how long we may actually wait. There is speculation that the CCAA may at some time completely do away with their Non-Special Needs Program. However, most that have made that statement do feel that those of us already logged in would still most likely receive our referral even if that did happen. All of this & most everything that we are told & hear is only speculation as the CCAA says very little, if anything, on this subject or any other. We certainly hope & pray that someday we might get to travel to China & finally bring home our Mia Lynn as we have long planned to do, but we have come to terms with the fact that it very well may not happen as we had hoped. We are hopeful & are cautiously optimistic, but choose not to be naive about a process that we can do nothing to change.

Due to the drastic change in the timeline surrounding our China Adoption, the very reason that I originally started this blog, my blog & it's original purpose for it doesn't lend itself very well to very regular posting. There is just not much to say about a process in which nothing is happening. Someday I hope that there will be much for me to update about this; many stories to share & pictures to post about our journey to China & to our Mia, but for now we just wait.

For those of you that check in on us here from time to time you know that over the last couple of years, I have somewhat transitioned the blog into more of a family diary or journal. In my mind it is really time for now for "Journey To Mia Lynn" to transition into something different.

We have another change quickly approaching in our lives as well. We have great news that we are excited & have been given permission to share. We are in a relationship with an amazing woman who has chosen Thomas & I to be the adoptive parents of the baby that she is carrying! We couldn't be more thrilled & excited!

We will share minimal details at this time. As time progresses we will share more & more details with you as we can & feel comfortable doing so. I will not be sharing personal information about the woman carrying the baby at this time on this blog. She is wonderful & has told us to share away, but we feel that there are parts of this all that are for now still very much her story to share & not ours. So, for the purpose of the blog for now we will refer to her as simply "A" in order to protect her privacy. Our relationship with A grows stronger & stronger with each passing day. We love & care for her very much! We will be going to spend some time with her & her family in the coming weeks. We are looking very forward to our visit!

According to several ultrasounds the baby is a girl! We are thrilled either way! She is healthy & that is most important! A is taking amazing care of her & for that we are now & will forever be so grateful!! We plan to name her "Brynn". We are not settled on a middle name, but are considering "Elise". "Brynn Elise", we think it is beautiful. The baby is due towards the end of November. We have new ultrasound pictures on the way & are anxiously anticipating finding those in our mailbox! (Maybe today!)

With this is mind, & with our current situation with China, it is time for my blog to take on a new title & focus. Of course, with a new addition to the family very soon, we will have many new & exciting things happening in our life. We are so thrilled with the way everything is progressing! Not only are we finally going to be parents, but we are also gaining a wonderful new extended family as well! For us, this adoption is in so many ways such a blessing beyond what we could have ever imagined! As time passes, if & when A gives permission I may share more about all of the wonderful things that have been & no doubt will continue to happen in all of our lives as a result of all of this! Maybe...we will see. For now, we will keep A's privacy very guarded!

I have not yet chosen a new name for the blog. I also don't have time right now to choose a new format or to work on one. We have many things on our "to do" list & revamping my blog is not high on it! (If anyone reading out here in blog land has any suggestions or would like to themselves help out with designing my new blog, shoot me an email.)

We did get a new SLR camera & HD camcorder! We are very excited as we also have a MacBook Pro, so our media options for videos, scrap booking online, blogging, photo shopping etc. will be endless. The only thing that will be in short supply for a bit will be time & also my knowledge of how to do all of that is limited as well. Brynn will of course come before everything else, but I do have plans to learn sooner than later! We very much hope to document our new life as to never miss or forget a moment of what's to come for us in weeks, months & years ahead! Plus, we now live many hours from our closest friends & family. They will want daily updates & no doubt will want those to include pictures & videos.

Our journey to parenthood has been a long one, but in looking back & now looking forward everyday it becomes more & more clear to us as to the reason that we have been on the path that we have. The road has been downright bumpy & filled with potholes at times for sure! It hasn't always been easy. There were days when we wondered if our journey would ever have a happy ending. We of course have felt for a long time that our life, although full, just wasn't complete. Now we know, that not only is our daughter going to be a part of filling our life up, but also A & her family too! We couldn't be happier!

For now, it's off to organizing stacks of Rubbermaid Tubs that need to be moved out of one room to make room for...yep, you guessed it~Brynn's nursery! I am sure she will not spend much time in there for many months, but at least we will have worked towards it being ready for her when she is ready to spend time in her room.

A break from my blogging break...

2009-07-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

Life is busy, but good. Madison my niece has been here for the past three weeks. It has been great having her here! Not even wanting to think about her going home sooner than later! We have been on the go since she arrived. It has been so much fun. The first weekend she came we had some other family here as well. (My aunt, uncle & cousins.) We spent some time at the pool & then all went to The Taste of Chicago. We took the train into the city. Maddie thought that was pretty cool. We had fun. We took Madison to Lou Malnattis. She would prefer to eat there everyday now. She loves it! Who doesn't it? Wow, that's some great pizza! Maddie & I had a girl's afternoon out & got pedis & manis...she is still rockin' that bright blue polish! She wears it well, let me tell you! We went to Discovery Zone LegoLand & spent the day. That was awesome! We went bowling with some friends another day, have hit several thrift stores & GoodWill's checking out all the bargains & have been shopping on several occassions. We went with some friends another day into the city & went to American Girl & then to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. We all went to the local Greek Fest one evening & had a great time. Over the 4th of July, we attended two fireworks displays & a Red, White & Blue Festival. The fireworks were amazing at all of the events. We went to Six Flags & the adjoining waterpark on two separate days & had more fun than we could of imagined! What a great family attraction both of those places are! Maddie & Thomas have had a couple of date nights. They went out & saw "Night At The Museum 2" & also the new "Harry Potter" flick...number 6 I think. (I know NOTHING about Harry Potter...not my thing, but they enjoyed it.) We still hope to get to the beach & to spend several more afternoons at the pool, but it hasn't been very warm. The high has been only in the 60's & 70's a lot of days. Maddie would also like to see The BlueMan Group, go to Navy Pier & to the Aquarium. We'll see. The plan is that she will stay another week making her total time with us four weeks. However, this is a very busy week at work for Thomas. So, we might not get some of our list accomplished. We are already talking about her next visit & making plans. We are planning to meet my parents half way, spend some time together & say our goodbyes. (Again, not really wanting to go there just yet!) I am so enjoying life as a family of three. It has been beyond wonderful! Days filled with homemade blueberry or bananna chocolate chip pancakes, sidwalk chalk, trips to the swimming pool, putting her hair in a pony tail, washing extra clothes, using more Spray-N-Wash than I ever knew was possible (That girl is a Ketchup magnet!), news paper covered tables for arts & crafts, girlie outings, a crowded bed with three exhausted people in it at the end of the day & everything in between...I couldn't ask for more or be happier! I am grateful for this time that we have had & am so glad to have such a great niece to share life with! She is awesome & I will forever cherish every moment we have spent together these last few weeks! I love you Maddie!

Speaking of family...we are once again back in fertility treatment. We have found a couple of great specialist in the area. They are very confident that we are on the right track & say that we should be expecting sooner than later. I keep telling everyone that we are from Missouri, so we say, "Show Me!". We will keep you posted. Things should be fairly quiet on this front for about another week & then things will really pick up.

I would like to say CONGRATULATIONS to a good friend & great woman & her family that will soon be expanding! Congrats Linda, Jim & "Little J"! Linda, as I said on FaceBook, it has been great to share this journey with you thus far! I am excited & can't wait to share the days, weeks, months & years ahead with you as you begin this wonderful new journey of parenthood of two!

Well, I hear Miss Maddie stirring. Time for me to turn this computer off & spend time with the little gal who has put a big smile on my face every minute of every day these last few weeks!

Oh, & I suppose before I close it is worth mentioning that today marks TWO YEARS since our paperwork was logged in with China. July 20th, 2007 officially marked the day that our wait to travel to bring our Mia home officially began in the eyes of the China agency; The CCAA that handles all China International Adoption. Not much else to say about that. No end to the wait in sight...

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T06:01:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all of us; those of you who are already blessed with your babies & especially to those of us still waiting to be Mommy! You are all in my thoughts & prayers today, even more than usual.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

I interrupt this regularly scheduled blogging...

2009-05-02T04:52:00.001-07:00

Okay, so maybe I didn't blog on a regular schedule, but I need a break. I am not going to say that I won't blog at all or that I won't occasionally drop in & check in on a few blogs that I tend to follow, or that I won't hop on FaceBook via my iPhone if I am waiting in line somewhere or waiting at an appointment...but, I need a break. I am just finding that my time management skills are in need of an overhaul. I have the best intentions. However, I get on my computer & before I know it I look up & way too much time has passed me by! & yes, I recycle, but time is the one thing that can't be recycled or reused. So, for now I need to take a step back & re-evaluate how I spend my time. I feel like I am behind on some things & generally I tend to be super organized. For me, when I feel unorganized I feel stressed & everything just snowballs unnecessarily.

So, if you normally check in with me on FaceBook or my blog, just know that if you leave me a message in either place it may be days & it could even be weeks before I see it. The best way to reach me is to text me on my iPhone. If you want my iPhone number, leave me a message here & I will gladly send it to you privately. I have unlimited texting, so feel free to text me anytime. Or I can also give you my home phone number too. I still have email & plan to allow myself 15-30 minutes a day to check & return emails as needed.

I enjoy blogging & I most certainly enjoy following so many of you via your blogs. However, the whole process has just become a vacuum for me sucking up my time & I need to check myself. So, stepping back from it for a while seems like the best plan for me.

I am hoping that checking in less often, that maybe when I do check in that I might be pleasantly surprised the next time I hop onto Rumor Queen! Maybe not checking in for weeks at a time, I will hop on one day in a few weeks & see that they have gotten through a whopping two weeks! Okay, it's wishful thinking I know, but I am hopeful & prayerful for good things to come in the coming months for all of us.

I would ask for your prayers. This is going to be a challenge for me. I so enjoy keeping up with so many of you! However, I survived before & I shall survive again.

I will be back...& as I said, I am not saying that I am signing off or that I am completely going off line. I will still as time allows check in. If checking & returning emails only takes me ten minutes one day, then I will have a little time to do other things like checking in on my blogging buddies. Essentially, as long as I am not online/on the computer for more than thirty minutes on any given day I will be thrilled with myself! Like I said, I have an iPhone, so there are many times waiting in lines & at places like the oil change place for our cars that I have downtime while waiting that I could take advantage of. I just want to use the time I have better & more efficiently.

We'll see...

Pray for Mia

2009-04-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

I don't have much information, but just heard from Sara Lane that they are at the hospital with their little Mia. She is sick & I really don't know much more than that. As soon as I know anything more I will update. For now, I just wanted to ask that you all pray for her healing! (Click on title of this post to hop over to the Lane's blog)

Happy Birthday "Emma Kate"

2009-04-16T04:07:00.001-07:00

This time last year Thomas & I were anxiously waiting in a hotel room for the telephone to ring.

We were waiting to hear that a sweet baby girl had been born that we were told was to be our blessing. That phone call came. As most of you know, another phone call that we were not anxiously waiting for came only days later. As I held that sweet, precious baby girl I was told that we would not parent our sweet "Emma Kate" beyond those four days. Our worst fears had once again become our reality. Her first Mother had chosen to parent her.

I was crying so hard I could barely see. My chest hurt so bad I was most certain that I was dying & in fact in that moment was wishing that I were. I was sure that nothing could have hurt any worse than what I was already suffering through. I felt panic, desperation & agony. Barely able to stand, thoughts running through my mind of how I could keep with me the most precious soul I had ever laid eyes on. I knew I had no choice. So, as quickly as I could I began to feed her, change her diaper, dress her in the sweetest little mint green jumper with pink flowers & a white collar & then I swaddled her in a pink blanket~doing this all, knowing that it would be the last time that I would have the blessing of caring for her in those ways.

Mere hours later Thomas placed her back into the arms of her first Mother & into a life that we had not wished for her.

Today as I write this, I am tear free. I feel strong. I feel hopeful, faithful & will continue to be prayerful. I know that God has a plan. He is my strength. I now know that in the past I placed faith in people & ideas, MY plans, MY dreams, MY hopes. No more. The only thing that I have faith in now is Him & His plan for my life. I am at peace that it may not be the same as my plan. I know that my life may never look like the picture that I created in my mind. I know that in this life that I may never understand. For the first time in a long time~maybe ever, I am truly okay with that.

The only thing I have hope in is in God's plan. Believing in Him & His plan~even if it doesn't turn out to be what I had hoped, I know that by doing that, that my life will turn out perfectly, just as He planned & that is all that is important. It will all be perfect in the end...knowing & truly believing that; not just speaking or writing the words, but living them has given me an unexplainable peace that I am today so grateful for.

No, when I sit back & look at my life it is not everything that I had hoped it would be. As I type this, the morning news is all that I hear in the background. There is no pitter patter of little feet behind me, no little one tugging at my shirt tail, no baby cooing in a crib in the next room, no toddler calling out for Mommy, no diaper to go change or morning bath to give, no play date to get to...no, my life is not what I had planned it to be or what I had thought it would be at this point. But, the question I instead ask now is whether or not my life is what God planned it to be. He is the only one who knows the answer. I have to let go, give all of this to Him & have faith that in doing so, whatever the outcome, I know it will be well with my soul.

Now, let's remember I am not perfect. I will still have bad days. I will still from time to time get the "Why me's?". I am human. Yes, this day, my reality~it stings. My arms still ache for her. When I close my eyes & think back to those days I can still feel her in my arms. It is difficult not to think about what I should be doing today verses what I am actually doing. Scurrying around preparing for her to wake up so that we could have the best day ever, helping her to take her first steps, taking her one year old photos~but instead, this morning I find myself praying that she wakes up to her Mommy singing sweetly a Happy Birthday tune to her, that she has a cake to dig her sweet little hands in all to herself & that she is surrounded by friends & family who are showering her with love. For me today & in years to come this will be my reality in relation to her life. I am an outsider who can't look in. I can not be part of her life & I have accepted that. My only role in her life is praying for, wishing for, hoping for & loving her... As much as I love & miss her, I am not her Mommy. A piece of my heart will forever be with her. I have accepted that. I am forever changed as a result of the four days that I got to be her Mommy & I am now & will forever be grateful for our time together. This is the new me, my new life, my reality.

I trust God.

It will all be okay.

It is all okay.

I am okay.

Update...

2009-04-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note... As most of you know I took a job in Sales & Marketing about six weeks ago. It has been going pretty well. This was a new adventure for me for sure. I knew very little about the job, but in the first six weeks things went very well. During my first six weeks with the company I was going into the office daily. During the initial phase I really needed the support of the owners as I was learning my new position within the company & becoming familiar with the product. As time passed & things continued to go well, I approached them about working some of the time from our home office. They agreed that it was feasible. We collectively decided that we would give this a try. So, mid-week last week I began yet another new journey. So far, so good. We will see how it goes as I move forward with this new set up. I will still go into the office from time to time for meetings & for responsibilities that I have that I can not do from home. This is a good opportunity for me. I can still have my job, but I also have even more flexibility with my schedule than before. This is also affording me the opportunity to start another new venture. I have mentioned it to most of you already. I have started using BeachBody products & have decided to become a "Coach" as well. www.beachbodycoach.com/jenpearse Having so much flexibility with my schedule will also offer me endless possibilities with this as well. I am looking into online course work that would offer me a certification in personal training. I have a long way to go before I will be ready to offer anyone else much more than support & endless encouragement, but I am excited to check out what my options are so that I can become as knowledgeable as possible! I think I sent most of you some information on BeachBody & would love to hear from any of you that have any questions or are interested!

Thomas's store will grand open on the 29th! I got a tour a few weeks ago! It was awesome! We are so excited. He is enjoying his new market & his job so much! We appreciate your prayers as he continues to work long hours in preparation for the big day & that all will go well!
We are loving Illinois. We love being so close to so much to do. It is amazing to have so many opportunities all around you all of the time. I never thought of myself as a city gal, but I have settled in better than I ever thought I would. We really have the best of both worlds, living in smaller community, but being so close to the city. (I will have lots of photos to share as the weather begins to warm & we spend much more time in the city seeing the sights!) Of course we miss friends & family, but we have made new friends & found a great church. That helps! ...& of course, thank goodness for unlimited long distance & email!

Better get busy. Just wanted to let you know that I am working more often than not now out of our home office, so I am once again more available during the day if for any reason you want or need to get a hold of me. I am on the phone a lot, so you it may at times take me a minute to get back to you, but just leave me an email or a voicemail & I will get back to you sooner than later.

Hope everyone had a BLESSED Easter Holiday!

Changing into a BUTTERFLY

2009-04-04T05:31:00.000-07:00

Really to be very honest with you all, though I have been keeping up with a few blogs & checking Rumor Queen now & then, I have just been busy enough between work & other things that blogging hasn't been a priority lately. The last few days if I am being very honest with you all I have been struggling. I am much better now. Nothing that I want to dwell on as, believe me, I have done plenty of that over the last few days. As I am sure you can figure out it has been related to all things adoption, fertility, children (or better said lack their of) etc. There have no doubt been several contributing factors. The biggest of which I think is that I am PMS'ing...but, to add to that April 16th @ 9:21 is "Emma Kate's" first birthday. I have constantly found myself wondering how she will spend her day. I pray that she is surrounded by people that love her & that she will have her own cake to dig her precious little hands into! For whatever reason a lot of times my memory is not that great when it comes to history or day to day life. However, the four days that we had her with us & were blessed to be her parents are so vivid to me. I mean it has literally been like a video that someone else took of us playing over & over in my mind that I can't stop rewinding. I can tell you every detail~down to what each of us were wearing at even given moment. There is not one unclear or blurred minute. It is like a perfectly painted canvas right in front of my face in which I can describe each & every detail. Also, I have found myself with feelings that I am not proud of that I can't seem to get rid of. & for this I have been ridden with guilt which hasn't helped either. I have friends who have recently been blessed with children, both adopted & birthed, friends who have just told me that they are pregnant...& although I am truly happy for them, I really am~I find myself envious & jealous. I hate it. I don't want to be that way. I don't want to feel those feelings, but yet they are there inside of me. A friend of mine had kind words that have in past days helped me. Here is what she said. (I will withhold her identity, as I didn't get her permission to share this. I know she won't mind, but without her saying it is okay I won't name her.)

"Oh, Jen. I know that feeling. It is really, really hard. You don't want to feel that way, but how can you help it? I probably told you this already...but humor me...I remember my mom taking me out to eat for lunch and me just crying and crying about my fear that it would never happen. Sure enough, our waitress comes up (some young girl...I assume she wasn't married) and she was pregnant! It just made me cry harder. I felt like everyone in the world was having a family but me. So, I certainly can identify with those feelings. I wanted to be a good friend and be excited and joyful about the wonderful news for all of them. But, inside, I just wanted to smack them sometimes! I was just so jealous and angry that my dream was coming true for everyone but me. Such ugliness it brought out in my heart! But, it was a really good refining and purifying time for me. I understood that ugliness in a new way and was able to work through it. I realized that I didn't need to be "the perfect Christian" and always "suffer well." I just had to be me and that God would meet me where I was, which indeed He did. I didn't need to pretend that I was okay or act a certain way. Keep praying about it. I will pray today along with you to that end--that He would meet you where you are and supernaturally change your heart so that you can let go of those bad feelings. "

I am trying...& praying. All the time. I have listened to nothing but Praise & Worship music in the past few days & have prayed more than usual. I am just trying to get myself to some kind of place of peace & acceptance as to where I am today. I feel MUCH better today than I have in days, so I think I am headed in the right direction. It is difficult when everything else in your life is good & the one thing that you want the most you can't get no matter what you do. I have in the past had control issues. Those are waining as I get older, but for me this has been & I fear will continue to be the biggest struggle in my life. & THANK YOU friend for the above counsel! It helped a lot.

What's with the title, "Changing into a BUTTERFLY" you ask? WAIT FOR IT...it's coming.

In other news...
Thomas is so busy at work right now! His store will grand open April 29th! We are so excited! The store is really coming together. They recently received their first trucks & the merchandise is being put on the shelves. Most of you I think now this, but Thomas is a Manager for that BIG retail big box giant that begins with a W & ends with a T. I don't know~so many when they blog don't put names of companies & such in their writings. They bleep out part of the word...there must be a reason. Maybe you are not suppose to. I don't know. Just in case I won't spell it out here, but I am sure you can figure it out.

My job is going well. I closed several great deals recently & have several more on the horizon. I am settling in, learning a lot & feeling like I am beginning to understand the job & my role with the company. This was all new to me just six short weeks ago, so it has certainly been an adventure, but a pretty good one thus far. I think I mentioned it, but I am doing Marketing & Inside Sales for a call center. Here is our website. http://www.servicedriven.com/ You can check it out.

Thomas is working today. I worked a short day yesterday. (Actually I just went in & checked my voicemail & made a call or two. We usually make Fridays a short day.) I took the day to get all of our household shopping done. Went to the grocery store & then to the warehouse store where you buy bulk~you know the one. I also went to a large chain second hand store & got some great bargains. Fun. Today, Thomas had to work. He is doing an orientation so it will be a full day. I am getting ALL the household cleaning & laundry done today. My goal is that tomorrow we have not one single thing to do, but enjoy each others company. I am even going to do the cooking for tomorrow today, so it will be ready. We will go to church & the we have some fun shopping to do. Thomas needs new dress shoes, so we are going to hit the mall. It should be a good day. We are both really looking forward to it. This evening he should get off by 5PM, so we are thinking of doing something fun this evening too. With him working six days a week from 5 or 6AM till 8PM at night it hasn't left much "us" time. That's okay though. Things will settle down sooner than later.

(The explanation for the title is coming....I promise. Just stay with me & make it to the end!)

We have started talking about vacations. Thomas gets four weeks. We are planning lots of Chicago outings. However, we are thinking of one week going to the LasVegas area. We have been many times, however, this time we are thinking of doing the Vegas thing for only a couple of the days & the rest of the time heading over to the Grand Canyon. Never seen it & want to. We also would like to see Yellowstone. So, that is another trip we are contemplating. I also want to see those GIANT Redwood trees! I think they are in California, aren't they? Anyone know? So, those are a few trips that we are thinking of. & of course, one week will be spent on the beach somewhere. We are wanting to rent a beach house & invite as many of our family that can get there to come join us. Don't know if it will happen this year or next, but that is something that we are talking about as well.

I am trying some new supplements for health, wellness & weight loss. So far I am pretty impressed. Here is the link to the products: http://www.irepcni.com/home/products/core4.html
Here is the link to the FAQ: http://www.irepcni.com/home/faq/index.html
(I would skip at first to the FAQ about the product. You can sell the product as well, but I think at first you will just be interested to check it out for yourself. If it works for you, friends & family will ask about what you are using & they you might want to go there, but for now I would just focus on the product.) I am having so far great results. It has only been a couple of weeks though, so I will have to see results for a little longer that remain long lasting before I can say for sure. However, as of now, I am really liking the product. It does wonders for my energy levels & the scale has been liking it too...so, we will see. I will keep you posted. If you are interested in trying the product, just let me know. I can get you to where you can place an order. If you want to wait a while & let me be the guinea pig first, I totally understand.

And now for the title of this post...I know, I know~FINALLY!
In closing, I just want to share with you something that I read the other day. It struck a chord with me & has remained on my mind since reading it.

As I said before, I struggle with the whole not being in control thing. I don't know why as realistically I know that control is only in our minds & is just an illusion. Really, as a human on this Earth we have zero control. I get that. I also, being human, at times (a lot of the time) get the "Why me's?". Oh, you know those, right? I am sure you get them from time to time too. I more often than not just don't get it. I can't see the big picture. I know in my heart & believe Jeremiah 29:11, BUT~sometimes I just need to understand why or feel that I need to see that final reel in the film at the end of some of the short stories in my life. If I could only know His plan, how it will end up...sometimes the way that I see it as it is happening makes absolutely no sense. I can't find the reason in it. It is beyond my understanding. However, I try to be faithful & not question Him, but it is a struggle for me. When I read this, I thought, "Hmmm. Wow. That makes so much sense." It is really not that profound I suppose, but it struck a chord with me & I love it. "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a BUTTERFLY!" Change is always difficult. When things don't turn out how we want them to, we just can't imagine that there is a greater purpose or a greater meaning. Especially if whatever happened has or is causing us pain. However, I suppose we are being pruned & being changed into something else. It is so difficult, but I for one want to be a butterfly so I am going to remain strong & faithful (even when I can't see the bigger picture or find reason) & let God call the shots so that my life will turn out just as He planned for me!

Nadya Suleman & the fourteen children...

2009-02-23T19:13:00.000-08:00

I posted this in another forum & just wanted to share my thoughts on the subject on my blog as well.

Here is the thing~a person that is mentally unstable can not be held accountable for their actions. Even in a court of law, this is not legal if the person is deemed to not be mentally stable. It is clear that the mother is not in her right mind. The reason that she did this she stated herself on the interview that she did on live television. However, there are millions of woman all over the world who "collect" children to fill an emotional need within themselves. They just happen to be women who can get pregnant on their own & have one child at a time so there is no media frenzy & we don't hear about it as we did in this case. These women are too most often jobless, on government assistance & not mentally always all with it. However, they don't get this attention because they have one or maybe two at a time. My question is, what is at the root of the anger that is being shown by everyone? Is it that she had all of these children, is it that she can't care for them appropriately financially or emotionally, or are we really angry at someone who mentally is unstable-I would think if so, then that makes us a little crazy. Let's look at John & Kate Plus Eight, or the Duggar Family who have EIGHTEEN children & still going...my point, no one is angered at them. Yes, they are supporting their families~but, be assured that they are doing just that with in fact money that they are making from book deals, television shows & the like that only exist due to the fact that they have all of these children. My point is that our anger, frustration & disappointment needs to be redirected. The physician is where we need to focus the attention. Nadya Suleman could not have become pregnant the first or the second time without the assistance of a Reproductive Endocrinologist. He takes an oath, he is suppose to be mentally stable~he, the doctor was suppose to protect his patient from making a poor choice if he saw that mentally she was unable to make an appropriate decision on her own behalf! He should have went to the court system for an order to have her evaluated. She did already have six children in the home. & what about her parents? They are now appearing on Oprah. Really? I mean, her father discussed her mental state on Oprah. Why in the heck didn't he go to a judge to get an order to have her evaluated? They lived with them! Was he or the grandmother, if so concerned about her mental state, at any time concerned about the care of the six initial children. My point~this is not Nadya's total fault. She is sick. No different than a drug addict, a food addict, a gambling addict~she was just addicted to having kids. She felt like she had to have more. It is very unfortunate that there was a specialist out there that was willing to help her do it. Now, the problem is a different one. QUIT focusing on what happened. It happened, it's over~The reality is that there are now fourteen children who are going to need to be cared for. Now, the focus should shift to how that is going to be accomplished. & let me just add~I am not thrilled. I myself have struggled with YEARS of infertility, a miscarriage, TWO failed domestic adoptions (the last of which the baby was taken back from us after four days) & have been in line to adopt from China for nineteen months~a process that was initially only suppose to take 9-13 months~so, believe me when I say that one woman who can't care for them having 14 kids doesn't thrill me, but I am really confused at the media & the public for most of their thoughts on this subject.

It Happened...

2009-01-20T10:02:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama has been inaugurated as our 44th President & without incident, Praise the Lord! It was a beautiful ceremony. His speech was direct & honest, to the point & has called the American people to action. I kind of compare it to people who always just want a pill to cure their health & don't want to take on any work or responsibility for their own health; but instead they just want a doctor to give them a pill that they can pop that will take care of all of their ailments. He is clear that he alone can not do this; turn this country around~that he can not give us all a magic potion that is going to just magically fix things. We are going to have to endure great change & sacrifice. It is not always going to be comfortable. He is honest that it is going to be difficult at times, but that it can be done & that it will be done. Anyway...time will tell. Irregardless of people's feelings about him, whether they voted for him or not~now it is time to get behind our country & our President. One thing is for sure, things are a mess now. So, hopefully the next few months will show that we as a country are heading in the right direction. I am really proud to live in a country where we have a bi-racial President & a black First Lady. I hope that soon this will maybe help all of the country to be able to see people as just "Americans" & "Human Beings" instead of people being defined or described on the basis of the color of their skin.

Former President Bush & former First Lady, just waved to the Nation for the last time & got on the helicopter being seen off by President Obama & First Lady Michelle. Now, the President & Michelle & the Biden Vice Family are all standing on the White House Steps watching the Bush's chopper take off. Very significant moment.

I for one have not even made it to the shower today & it is noon! I didn't want to miss any of the big day. I know, we have a DVR but I felt compelled to watch it real time.

So, off to the shower for me!

18 Months Today

2009-01-20T06:23:00.001-08:00

18 months down & how many to go? Who knows? If you know, please tell us. We would love to know. At this point, we just continue to wait. We are hopeful & prayerful. We try to remain faithful. It takes effort. We hope that someday we will finally hold our Mia Lynn in our arms.

For those of you that are not closely involved in the International Adoption world; well first let me congratulate you. Believe me, it is not a pleasant involvement as of lately! I know that you wonder & sometimes even ask what the heck is going on & why this is taking so long. I just don't have the inclination to go into it yet again in great detail. Just know, that we know the details & believe us, if there was a way to make it happen any more quickly we would as well as would the some 20,000 other families waiting in this horrid line as well. There is a process that must be followed to the letter. The process for many reasons; some known & some not so clear that this wait has grown from what was once six months to know a dreadful likely four years. The only choice we have is to get out of line or wait. For now, we choose to wait.

So, are we excited to have reached the 18 month mark? Nope. We are not. Not at all. We would have much preferred to never have reached this day. We would much rather be living our lives making memories as a family, but some things are just not in our control & this is one of them. So, we wait...

I won't be perfect, but...

2009-01-20T06:20:00.000-08:00

There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him/her and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

2009-01-19T05:06:00.000-08:00

We find ourselves today just a little over half way through the first month of 2009. Wow, huh? Where does the time go? It just flies by faster & faster with every passing day, doesn't it? How many of you made a resolution & have kept it or maybe you are one of the ones who has already broken it & restarted it a few times. Either way, with every new sun rise the number on the calendar moves forward & you get another chance. For that, I am always grateful! We are mere hours at this point now from one of the most historic presidential inaugurations that we will likely witness in our lifetime & I can't help but wonder what the next few years will bring as a result of this. For us, this new year brings hope for so many things. We are excited. For many specific things, but for life in general. Though it is not always easy & it certainly doesn't follow our script always as we would write it if we could, but for the most part life is good & we are so glad to be living it!

We had a busy, but good weekend. On Friday night Thomas & I went our separate ways for the evening. Thomas had a business dinner. I went to meet a new friend at her home & then we walked a few houses down to her neighbors where we met about ten other women. We spent an evening just laughing, visiting, eating & playing games. They do this every second Friday of each month. They have invited me to join them on a regular basis. They are a great group. Sometimes they play Bunco, but many times they begin chatting & before they know it, they look up & it is 11PM & haven't even started the game yet! How times can fly when you get a group of chatty ladies together just soaking up everything that each of us brings to the group, huh? We made plans for our group for the upcoming year. It sounds like it will be a lot of fun. On Saturday morning, Thomas had a hair appointment & then he went to his new hiring site to catch up on some things that he hadn't been able to get done during his normal work week. He came home around 11:00, we had lunch & then just hung out. That evening we met some friends at Texas De Brazil. We had dinner. It was very good. From there we went (for the guys) & watched a UFC fight. Then, we headed out with a group of people to go & do some Karaoke. Thomas belted out "Simple Man" by Shinedown. & as usual, he was great. We didn't get home until 2:30AM! I am ashamed to say that Sunday morning I rolled over to look at the clock & it read 11:00! Oooops. We missed church! I suppose we are getting too old to be out until 2:30AM! It took me most of the day on Sunday to feel human again.

My Garmin (GPS) for whatever reason on Saturday night just quit working. We used it on the way to the restaurant & when we came out I flipped it on & nothing happened. It never would come back on. So, around noon on Sunday Thomas took it back to the electronics store where he purchased it. They gave him a little trouble, but after some "discussion" finally exchanged it for us. WHEW! I can't be without my "Glenda". Yes, I have named her! "Glenda the Garmin"! No kidding. We have a special relationship; me & my Garmin!

I had my second interview for a job at a physician's office last Wednesday. I am hopeful that I might get the call that will offer me the job this week. They said that I should hear back from them this week. At first I wasn't sure that this was the job for me, but I now find myself hopeful that I will get offered the position.

We are quickly approaching the 18th month anniversary of our log in date with China. Woohoo. Not so much really. Nothing new to say about it really other than at this point there is still no end to the wait in sight. So, we wait some more. We have a couple of potential domestic situations that may or may not come to be, so again~we just wait.

I also want to mention that today the world celebrates Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. As we reflect on what is to come in the days ahead, I can't help but think that he would be very happy to see the country embracing President Elect Obama. No, not everyone in the world voted for him & not even everyone supports him even now, however, for the most part whether you voted for him or not I think the majority of Americans are & will continue to support our new President.

Hope the new year is treating you all well so far.

And Now For 2009...

2009-01-02T06:22:00.000-08:00

Well, first let's put a rap on 2008.

It was a good year. Okay, who am I kidding? It was a tough year in a lot of ways. Not going to rehash it all out yet again, as most of you that read my blog know of the specifics in regards to most of the tough parts that I refer to. However, overall I feel blessed & happy. Content? Well, no. But, hopefully that will come. Again~most of you know of the cause of my lack of contentedness. So, again~not up for rehashing it out yet again. It will come, right? Also, in 2008 our family was saddened with the news of someone we love dearly being devastated with a very serious diagnosis. She is a very private woman & I respect her & that so, I haven't & won't share anymore than that here~however, she is one heck of a fighter & is hanging in there every step of the way! Thomas took a big promotion & we of course made the big move. It was time & although we are not thrilled to be even farther yet from the family & friends that we love so much, we do very much like living here.

Our Christmas Holiday couldn't have been any better! We did in fact get back to Missouri spending our time between several families homes. Surprising my Mom went perfectly. She had not a clue! It was great as was my time spent with her & our whole family.

Oh & to recap from a previous post when I promised more detail about my Garmin. Still LOVE that thing! Matter of fact we are purchasing a second one for the other car. One will transfer between the two cars, but Thomas & I both like it so much & both use it enough that it warrants us each having one when we are each out in separate cars. The next vehicle we buy will have a navigation system on board. However, that is hopefully a few years away yet, so for now we will be off to purchase an additional Garmin. Who would have thought? Certainly not me!

Looking ahead to 2009~Well, of course we hope that parenthood may finally find us. We have only hoped for that for what?....oh, the last ten years. (I said I wasn't going to rehash that out yet again, didn't I?) Let's just say that there are some things on the horizon that we hope may come to be & let's just leave it at that. Thomas will finally take possession of his store in late March & Grand open in late April! YAY! Congratulations Babe! I am so proud of you! On April 25th, Thomas & I will celebrate 17 years of marriage. I am so proud of us, if I may so so myself! I hope to either take on some college courses or re-enter the work force of course all depending on how our journey to parenthood is coming along as we plan for me to stay at home with the kiddos when that time comes. 2009 will no doubt bring a whole new list of adventures for us as we venture bravely into the city of Chicago every chance we get~Navy Pier, Sears Tower, on over to the Great Lakes, the observatories, the museums, the zoos, the aquariums, the shows, the planetariums, the art exhibits & so on. We are anxious to do & see it all. C'mon spring!

We could of course get in to the whole discussion of New Year's Resolutions. Whether or not you make one & what it might be? If you did, by all means share it with us if you can. Me? Nope. No resolution really. I did read a great idea about a New Year's Word over at http://www.jessicaturnersblog.blogspot.com/ . Check out her post from Wednesday, 12/31 titled, "One Little Word 2009". I thought this was pretty cool & I have been thinking on it. However, I found to sum up a year with one word or to wrap up my hopes, aspirations & dreams for a whole year in one word~wow, it was a struggle for me! Cool idea though if you can do it, none the less. But, back to the resolution thing. For me, I went off of my low carb lifestyle nine months ago when we traveled out of state to bring our Emma Kate home. (Ugh. It always goes back to that, doesn't it?) Well, I never got back on the wagon. At the time I had lost 80 pounds. I have been fortunate in nine months not to have gained too much of that back. I did however back slide a little obviously as I have pretty much been eating whatever. When I stopped I still had about 40 pounds that I wanted to lose. So, now I am even farther behind. That's okay though. I am still way ahead & am pretty proud of myself for my accomplishment thus far. Now though it is time to get back with it. Not because it is the new year & it is most definitely not a New Year's Resolution. It is just time. The Emma thing is long over & the move happened three months ago. Waiting for life to return to "normal" is just not an excuse, so as of Monday I have been back to my low carb eating habits & thus far all is well. I will periodically keep you posted on my progress. I have lost considerably just in the last three-four days, but know it is likely all water weight. I don't count anything until it is gone & has stayed gone for a few days, but I will keep you posted from time to time on my progress. For those of you that faithfully make a resolution, may I just say best wishes as you go forward. May you keep it & feel a great sense of pride & accomplishment for doing so!

Oh & I have to say CONGRATULATIONS to Sara & Brian who just a couple of days ago laid eyes on one of the prettiest little baby girls that you have ever seen; their Mia Lin! Hop on over to their blog & take a look at their baby girl! She is just perfect...& the hair-oh my word! Get the bows packed & ready to go! http://www.lanechinaadoption.blogspot.com/ What a year it will be for them!

So, onward folks. (Tinking our glasses together...) Here is to 2009 & all that it may have in store for us! Remember, "Life is an occasion. Rise to it."

2008-12-23T13:38:00.000-08:00

Here they are.
The top ten boy & girl names for 2008:
2008
Girls:
1. Isabella
2. Ava
3. Emily
4. Elizabeth
5. Abigail
6. Madison
7. Emma
8. Addison
9. Madeline
10. Olivia

Boys:
1. Aidan
2. Jayden
3. Jacob
4. Michael
5. Ethan
6. Caden
7. James
8. Caleb
9. Andrew
10. Matthew
I did this same post last year & if I remember correctly, I don't know that this has changed all that much. Think I will have to go back & take a look to satisfy my curiosity.

Okay, I couldn't stand it. I went back & looked. It is a little different. Here they are just as a refresher from 2007.

Girls:

Sophia, Isabella, Emma, Madison, Ava, Addison, Hailey, Emily, Kaitlyn, Olivia

Boys:

Aiden, Ethan, Jacob, Jayden, Caleb, Noah, Jackson, Jack, Logan, Matthew

A Big Surprise!

2008-12-21T11:22:00.000-08:00

You won't believe what happened a couple of days ago. It is a secret though~so, shhh! (Well, a secret from my Mom anyway & she doesn't have Internet access, thus she is not a blog reader! So, our secret should be safe here!) Thomas surprised me with the news that we get to go back to Missouri for Christmas! Can you believe that? I still can't believe it. The thought never even ever crossed my mind as I assumed that is wasn't even a possibility. As always, I knew that Thomas would have to work the day before & the day after. Well, the other day he was visiting with his District Manager. He asked Thomas what our plans were for Christmas. Thomas told him probably just a quiet dinner, just the two of us. Then he asked Thomas what we wanted for Christmas. Thomas told him that honestly we don't want for anything & that as cliche' as it might sound just health & happiness for us, our family & our friends. Thomas explained that we really don't get too hyped up about doing the gift thing & try to not get caught up in all the commercialism & stress of it all. Anyway, then he said to Thomas, "What about going home?". Thomas told him that we never even considered it. He then went on to basically tell Thomas that since his store isn't open yet & most of what he is doing right now he won't be able to do around the holiday since so many things will be closed for business & that the store where he is filling in as Interim Manager has people there who can carry out Thomas's instructions~anyway, he told Thomas that he was giving him a Christmas gift...to take off Wed., Thurs. Fri. Sat. & Sun. so that we can go home! (They further went on to discuss how many hours will be required of him in the coming months in preparation to get the store open~) The only person that knows this yet is my Dad. We are not telling my Mom. I am going to call her on my cell phone when she gets to the dinner on Christmas Day at my Aunt's house to tell her "Merry Christmas" & that we miss her & wish that we could be there & so on. I am then going to tell her that I had something delivered for everyone for Christmas since we couldn't be there (I have done this before, so this will not make her suspicious) & that it should be out on the front porch & that I need her to go & get it. Then I am going to ring the door bell & have Dad make sure she answers it & I am going to be standing there on my cell phone talking to her. We don't exchange Christmas gifts~so, this is our gift to her. We are excited & hoping that the weather will cooperate for our travels! It has been a little crazy weather wise up here the last few days, but we dug out & the roads were fine. (Well, Thomas had to work~I dug out of our driveway. Let's just say I will not be doing any arm work at the gym today. Oh my goodness I can barely lift my arms from all that shoveling!) Thomas had an hour commute to where he needed to go the other day for business, so he waited until about 9AM so that they had time to get more salt on the roads, but he did fine. We thankfully have a four wheel drive, so we should do just fine. Might take us a little longer, but short of some major ice, we should travel fine. It will take us, if the roads are good about seven to eight hours depending on how many times we stop. I have spoken to my Mom several times in the past couple of days & have had to catch myself just in the nick of time from spilling the beans! Thank goodness I didn't spoil it. As far as I can tell, she doesn't have any idea!

My MIL knows too. We will arrive at her home on Christmas Eve. We will have Christmas Eve Dinner there with her, Thomas sister & her family & Thomas's brother. We so wish that Thomas's other sister Terry could be there as well, but at this time we are not aware of any plans for her to be able to join us. We will spend the night there & then the next day will head about thirty minutes more of a drive to my Aunt's for Christmas Day festivities. Then, that evening we will head home with my parents about another thirty minute drive & stay with them a couple of days. Then, we will come back through & visit with Thomas's Mom for a bit longer. Then on the way back to Illinois we will stop in our old town & check on our house that is there on the market. Then, we will come on home to Illinois. Should be a great trip. We are excited!

All is well here. Thomas's job is going very well & we are thankful everyday for it! So many right now are out of work & not able to find jobs. We do not take his job for granted or the living that it provides us.

Looking forward to 2009~guess I should mention yesterday's significance. It was seventeen months to the day since we were logged in for China. Yep, seventeen months with no end to the wait in sight. Well, let me just say that we assume that is right. Within this last batch there were seven families who were supposedly logged in on a specific date & were suppose to be included in this batch of referrals. There referrals did not come. When their agencies checked with China they were told that there log in dates were actually not what they had been told & were something different. So, now back in the line they go & they must wait longer. So, with that in mind~according to what we have been told, with a log in date of 07/20/07 we hit the seventeenth month mark as of yesterday. We did nothing to mark the day other than to make note of it & went on.

Any other adoption news? A little. Don't want to get into it a lot at this time as we really don't have a lot that we can share. For now, please just be in prayer that if these little babies (yes, I said babies) are meant to be our children that they will be. We are a long way from knowing that, but a few things have unfolded recently that may indeed be indicative that they may in fact be. However, as I said~we are months away from knowing for sure & are likely a ways away from being able to share much more than that. I can & will share that their mother was on December 9th five months pregnant with the babies. After what we have been through, our feet are very much now & will continue to remain on the ground about this. If in fact these are our children, we will be thrilled more than words could ever articulate. However, right now they are not~so, until then-if that times comes or if it doesn't we just hope & pray that if they are meant to join our family & we are meant to be Mommy & Daddy to them that God will bless all of us involved & that things will go as they are suppose to. The story is after all already written. (Jeremiah 29:11) It is a page turner, that's for sure!

I have been doing quite a bit of baking. Homemade pumpkin bread, cookies & such. I have enjoyed it & have very much enjoyed passing the goodies out to our friends & neighbors. For the first time in a long time we have an oven that isn't ancient. This one cooks evenly & even has a timer~I know, probably not a big deal to those of you who have always had one. However, from someone who has had an oven that burned nearly everything for the last seven years-believe me, this is a thrill!

I just want to take a minute to tell each of you Merry Christmas. Here's hoping that 2009 for us all brings good health, much happiness & His continued abundant blessings! & for those of us struggling to grow our families~here's hoping that 2009 may finally bring for us some peace, no matter how it comes-whether it is reassurance, renewed faith & hope or maybe even finally some of us will see our babies faces for the first time & better yet maybe even hold them in our arms. Whatever lies ahead for each of us as we continue our individual journey's, may we have peace!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Update on Raffle/Give Away~

2008-12-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

****ANOTHER UPDATE: Checked in on MckMama & the Fam & guess what? Raffle is over...Nope, I didn't win~but that is totally okay! Why is it so okay, you ask? Well, because some great charities totally won in a HUGE way. The final tally at last check was OVER $19,000.00!!!!!! WAY TO GO to all of us that participated! & the wonderful lady that did win hasn't totally revealed her scheme just yet, but it sounds like she has something under her sleeve to "pay it forward" as a result of her good fortune. So, stay tuned to see what her plan is. I have an idea, but I won't spoil it just incase I am correct.

****UPDATE: 12/12/08~I checked this morning & even though the "chip in" box is now stuck on a little over $10,000, MckMama reports that they have now raised OVER $12,000 up to this point. Three more days to enter. Happy raffling!

I don't know why~but, every time I click on the link to hop over & see how the fundraising is going with the Raffle/Give Away mentioned in my previous post, it is still showing that they are at just over $4,000.00. However, MckMama posted & stated that they are currently at $7,482.30! Such wonderful news, huh?

AWESOME RAFFLE FOR A GREAT CAUSE!

2008-12-02T05:35:00.000-08:00

Click on over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net/!!! MckMama is having one heck of a give away/raffle! Get in on the action before it is too late! What a fabulous idea! This is so exciting! Happy raffling!
(If you use the link over to the side of my blog, instead of the link above within this post you might (for some reason) get a pop up asking for a password. If so, just hit cancel whenever that pops up~mine does it three times. I just hit cancel & it goes away. ????)

A Thanksgiving Challenge

2008-11-27T06:14:00.000-08:00

Okay, Angie over at "Bring The Rain" wrote a post & issued a Thanksgiving Challenge. I follow her blog & know most of you do as well. This post I could so identify with~

So, I am taking the challenge.

No. I don't feel like I mean it. I don't feel it to be the truth in my heart today...but, yes. I will take the challenge.

"I am thankful for my journey to parenthood & all that has come with it in the past & that will come with it in the future."

Whew. That feels like a big ol' lie. However, this is a challenge, right. A challenge is not suppose to be easy. Ugh.

Hop over to Angie's blog, read the post (& maybe her brother in laws post that she refers to as well) & then decide if you want to take the challenge too.
http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

What Are You Thankful For?

2008-11-27T05:37:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take the time to do a "What I Am Thankful For" post, however I don't know that I have the amount of time to devote to it this morning that I would need to do it right. However, I will give it a quick try.

I am thankful for God, my husband (Thomas~you are one in a million. Every day I am thankful for you & our marriage. The blessings that you bring to our life & to me are endless.) I am thankful for my health & the health of all of my friends & family. I am thankful for my family & friends & the joy that they add to my world. I am very thankful for Thomas's job. I am thankful for our home, food on our table, clothes on our backs & the safety that we feel & are provided living here in our great country. I am thankful that I don't have a lot of time today to do this post as that means I have fun things filling my holiday. I am thankful for babies that are born healthy! (Congratulations Kristin!) I am thankful for the men & women who are not with their families today who are far away in another place serving in the armed forces. I am thankful for all of my relatives that have passed away who have left me with memories of holidays past that fill my heart & mind with warm thoughts of Thanksgiving Holidays that were filled with traditions & memories that I will forever treasure. I am thankful for the sights & sounds of the holiday season & that we live in a place where families are able to celebrate & worship how & if they choose. I am thankful for a new church family. I am thankful for new neighbors & friends in our new town who have welcomed us into their lives & even their homes today for a wonderful holiday on a day when we would usually be with our family & can not be. (THANK YOU BRIAN, CHRISTINA & FAMILY!) I am thankful for many things...too many to list~mostly, I am just thankful for my life. No, it is not perfect. Like everyone, I have had my share of difficult times & no doubt will have more of those. There are things that I certainly wish were different, but over all, I can not complain. I am blessed to have more blessings than I can count & more things to be thankful for than I have time to write about.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope that you too have more blessings than you could ever list. I wish you all joy, health & happiness today & always! For all of you traveling, be safe! Enjoy your day, your friends & your family. And of course, enjoy the eats!

Speaking of eats...off to do some cooking for the dinner today!

BLESSINGS!

(Oh & BTW, I am thankful for my new GPS! I wrote about that in my last post a little. It was a b-day gift to me from Thomas. For those of you wondering~No. I did not throw it out the window yesterday. Actually quite the opposite! I LOVE THAT THING! I don't know how I ever lived without it. It is a life changing piece of equipment. If you think you would never use it~think again! I will never be without one again. I will write about it more later. However, I would say to you~if you are thinking of getting one & are checking them out during the holiday sales, go for it! You won't be sorry. The ease of use is unbelievable. Believe me, if I can do it you can too! I could go on & on~but, I can't right now. In a day or so I will elaborate on my experience with it yesterday. It was amazing. )

A Birthday, Thanksgiving, New Friends & a New Blessing

2008-11-26T05:12:00.000-08:00

The birthday first~"Who's?", you ask. It was mine! Happy birthday to me, November 25th! 36 years young yesterday! Thomas had to work yesterday, so on Sunday after church he took me to PF Changs. Yum! Then we hit the mall & Ikea. We spent the day together just walking & talking. It was nice. We of course went to Starbucks for an afternoon coffee too. He even joined me in Bath & Body Works for a ridiculous amount of time patiently tolerating my need to stand there & smell every candle that they have. Scrumptious! I woke yesterday to find a card & a gift bag on our kitchen counter. It was a lovely card from Thomas with some special words & a really cool coffee mug with the city sky line & "Chicago" on it. He is taking me into the city via the Metra to see Chicago all decked out for the holidays. Lights & music will be in abundance! Fun! Can't wait. Last year we did the Plaza in Kansas City for my b-day. (Think I posted pics of that.) We did the carriage ride around the Plaza with our Starbucks coffee & a blanket. The lights & sounds of the holiday in K.C. were beautiful, I can only imagine what it will be like in Chicago! My Mom of course called me bright & early with a serenade of "Happy Birthday" (Yes, she really sings to me-every year!) & some beautiful sentiments too! I got several birthday cards which I appreciated very much. In the afternoon I went over to my friend's & neighbors house, Christina. They had a card for me & had baked me cookies. THANKS GUYS! Thomas also got me a GPS. He has wanted to get me one for a while now & I have been resistent. I am a little hesitant as I am not great with the electronics stuff, but he assures me that it is very simple to use & that I will have no problems. It is a Garmin...we will see. I am going to try it out later today when I am running errands.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope that you all have wonderful holiday. We all have so much to be thankful for, don't we? (Hopefully between today & tomorrow I will find the time to do a "What I Am Thankful For" post. I think that kind of reflection is good to do now & then...)We won't be able to get back home to our friends & family for the holiday, but have fortunately made some good friends here who have been kind enough to include us in their holiday plans. We will be spending Thursday afternoon with our neighbor's. We will be feasting on a fabulous meal & enjoying their company & getting to know each other better. We are looking forward to it & appreciate the invite so much!

We have a calendar full of holiday events. There is so much to do around here. Just every day or so, there is a list of things going on that you can go to. Every Village has a website & list their calendar. It is nice to have options. We have not been use to that.

& for the new blessing~My dear friend Kristin won't have to think very hard for what she is most thankful for this year. Yesterday afternoon (ON MY BIRTHDAY!) Kristin gave birth to a healthy baby girl, Ashlyn Mae! 7.10 oz, 21 inches long @ 2:35PM~This is their first baby. All is well. CONGRATULATIONS Matthew, Kristin & Ashlynn! We are SO happy for you all!

Better shower & get to my errands. I am making my most requested Broccoli & Cauliflower Salad for the dinner tomorrow. Plus, think I will make some Pumpkin Bread & maybe a loaf of homemade bread as well. Oh the carbs of the holiday season! Happy eating everyone! (Wish me luck with my new GPS & maybe offer prayers for me to please have patience...& that it won't be thrown out my window by the days end!)

Blessings!

No Evidence Of Progress?

2008-11-21T12:35:00.000-08:00

At times nothing seems to be happening. So it must be for the bird that sits on her nest. Things are apparently at a standstill. But the bird sits quietly, knowing that in the stillness something vital is going on, and in the proper time it will be shown. It takes faith and patience for the bird, and such faith and patience never seem to waver, day after day, night after night, as she bides the appointed time.
Restless and doubtful we wonder why we have nothing to show for our efforts, no visible evidence of progress. Let us remember the perfect egg--unchanged in its appearance from the day it is laid. But while the bird waits faithfully, doing the only thing she is required to do throughout those silent weeks, important things are taking place.
--Elisabeth Elliott
I wait for the Lord. My soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning. --(Ps 130:5, 6 RSV)

2008-11-21T06:16:00.000-08:00

Well, these two pics pretty much say it all really. Sixteen months have past since our Dossier was logged in at the CCAA in China & we are still waiting. Are we closer? Well, it depends on how you look at it. Are we half way there? No. Are we even a third of the way there? Not likely. How much longer? Great question. The only ones that might have the answer to that question; the CCAA, they aren't talking. Us? We are just going to go about our life in a way that this whole China plan-it is going on the back burner. Yes, we are still hopeful & prayerful that the day will come when we will finally receive our referral & be blessed to see our sweet Mia's face for the first time. However, we are not living our life as if the dream is such a sure reality for us. We are making plans, moving forward & living our lives in such a way so that if China never comes to be for us, if we never get to bring our Mia home~then, we can still say we lived in spite of the fact that we were "in waiting" all of these years. The limbo, the constant state of uncertainty, the living as if you are waiting for the day so that you can really go on living is over for us. Life has resumed & I am better for it. China, Mia & all that comes with it will always be on my mind, but tucked away safely so that I can still function & be happy with my life & not constantly be plagued with the "ifs" & "when" every day, all day long. So, yes~yesterday marked sixteen months since our log in date, but so what? It really means very little & frankly I have wanted to be a mother as long as I can remember. All that yesterday was the anniversary of was that sixteen months ago yesterday some employee in China stamped a date on a pile of papers & put it in a huge stack with thousands of other hopeful families "lives" spelled out in black & white & displayed in photos. The date at one time meant so much to us & hopefully will again someday as with that date stamped on that paper came so much hope of a dream that we knew would soon be realized & now...well, you all know that reality is now so far from a reality & is a distant dream that we can only hope & pray for.

15 Things I Am Not Afraid To Admit:

2008-11-15T20:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, Alicia, a buddy of mine tagged me. She did this on her blog & then tagged me, so now I am suppose to do it. This should be interesting...here it goes. (I don't know that I can get to 15, but I will give it a go.)

1. I love reality television.
2. I went to college, with a major of Physical Therapy, switched to Education & then quit to marry my husband of the last 16 years! Absolutely no regrets!
3. I love to shop at The Goodwill, garage sales & second time around shops.
4. We have been moved into our new place for a month now & we have yet to get all of the boxes unpacked & aren't the least bit organized at all yet!
5. Even though I have been dragging myself to the gym daily, I still can not say that I like it!
6. I am scared to death that parenthood may never find us.
7. The beach makes me cry. Every time that we first arrive & I look out into the ocean the tears begin to roll like the rolling waves. Yes, every time. It never gets old for me. Every time I lay eyes on the ocean it is like seeing it for the first time for me.
8. I drove a Chevy Chevette Hatchback when I was 16.
9. I am 6'1 & wear a size 10 shoe. Yep, really.
10. I still today miss "Emma Kate" so much I ache.
11. I am somewhat of a control freak & tend to be a perfectionist. I like to be organized & am generally a planner. I will write something down on a list just to cross it off! I am working on letting these traits go a little.
12. I use to also be a clean freak~this too is passing the older & wiser I get.
13. I have to balance my checkbook every month & it has to be to the penny. If it is off, I have to find it.
14. I usually screen my calls~okay, most always. We have caller id, what can I say?
15. Thomas & I enjoy playing Scrabble. Exciting, huh? We have even been known to hang out at a local coffee shop (we love coffee!) & play a game. Thomas always wins!

Hey, I did it. Let's see~I tag:

Brandi "The Silver's Scoop"
Sara "Wish I May, Wish I Might"
Tamara "Climbing The Great Wall"
Jess C.
Linda H.

TAG! YOU ARE IT GUYS!

Email is fixed!

2008-11-15T07:57:00.000-08:00

Apparently our email address is up & working. I have waited almost a week before telling everyone this. I sent out a note saying that it was fixed once before only within hours to find that it wasn't working again. This time, I waited & it appears that the fix is permanent. I am still checking my gmail account as well & am using it for some things, but I have changed my blog to be associated with our email account with Comcast that we use with our Outlook Express program. That address is thomasandjennifer@comcast.net

Difficult Decisions

2008-11-07T07:11:00.000-08:00

Some decisions are not came to lightly, are they? So many things to think about. It is so difficult to think that something that you have prayed & hoped about for so long may not come to be in the end. To contemplate letting go of a dream~something that you feel you are meant to do.

Thomas & I are at a crossroads as. We are up for renewal of our I-171H. (paper work for our China adoption) It expires 12/22. We are really under the gun time wise. We just moved to Illinois, so we couldn't start the process until we arrived here as we needed to re-do our home study in our new state. Yesterday, we began the process of calling agencies to very quickly get things rolling. We were shocked to find out that in Illinois the average price for a home study update is between $2000.00-$3150. 00!!! We couldn't believe it. Apparently Illinois has some sort of in-state International facilitator who oversees the entire process. So, even after our in-state agency does our home study update, it apparently as we understand it then has to go to this person. In Missouri we paid $800.00 for our update & thought that price was unreasonable. Things are so relative, aren't they. That made me think of when we first were beginning the paper chase & they told us "about nine months". It seemed like forever then~oh, what we would give to hear that now. Kind of like how we would love to be able to pay $800.00 to update our home study!

With having a LID of 07/20/07 we know that we have years & years in this line ahead of us. Realistically, there is no way around that. (The agency that we spoke to out of Chicago yesterday was more than clear that with an LID of 07/20/07 we in fact do have MANY years ahead of us in this line.) Even if there is speed up, we still have years~how many years is the unknown.

We have a few things in the works that may come to be & may not. As most of you know we have a couple of Domestic situations brewing. Nothing may ever come of them & something may~they are however possibilities that remain tucked away in the backs of our minds. We are also strongly considering a few rounds of InVitro towards the end of next year or in early 2010. We never did InVitro. We opted to take our money (no Infertility insurance coverage) & pay for the "sure thing". We thought we were paying our money for the route that would grow our family. Again, things are so relative.

We are also very interested in researching some info. on Taiwan & Korea. Our agency doesn't offer these countries, so we would have to choose a different agency & of course decide whether to stay in the China line as well or get out.

We spoke with our agency yesterday & corresponded via email several times. Yesterday I spoke with one large agency out of Chicago that has a China program-I spoke with their Director of the China program. She offered a lot of insight for us.

She told us that if we were her clients that she would tell us to let the I-171H lapse/expire & just leave the home study be for now. You see, when she quoted us $3150.00 for the home study update she explained that included the post placement visits & several other things. I told her that we didn't want that package. I explained to her that we wanted the bare minimum just to be able to stay in the China line. She was confused as she went on to say, "Who is going to do your post placements?" . She was very aware of the uncertainty of the China program & was very understanding about our feelings. I explained to her that we wanted to stay in the line, but that at this time weren't sure if this was going to come to be in the end. I explained that at this time we couldn't say whether if that were to happen that it would be a decision made by the CCAA for us or if it would be a choice that Thomas & I would make, but that either way we needed some time. Unfortunately, time is what we do not have with an expiration date on our I-171H of 12/22. We knew that we had to make a choice soon or the choice would be made for us as there would be no time to get the renewal completed prior to the expiration date.

The agency out of Chicago continued to explain why just letting it lapse was a reasonable choice for us. I questioned her about how the CCAA would react, what about the fact that we would then become a Hague case & what it would mean for our place in this line. She said that it means nothing. She said that yes, we would become a Hague case, but so is everyone else who has gotten in line since April 08. She said that wouldn't have much effect on anything. She said that it is a little more work, but nothing that can't be accomplished. She pointed out that people are still sending Dossiers daily & that they are all Hague cases as of April 08. She pointed out that it must be going just fine as the program is still continuing & that although slow, the line just keeps getting longer. She said that we would just have to do ten hours of online parenting/attachment/bonding courses from an accredited source, (We already spoke to someone who had to do this & they did it online through an agency that offered them. The cost was $100.00.) & that you have to get a background check from every state that you have ever lived in, instead of just the one from which you currently live. There are some concerns about our agency. (Which BTW, they don't have an office in the state where we live, thus the reason we have to use a private agency for our update.) The concern in regards to our agency is that they have not received Hague approved status. They have been assured that they will be granted this in Jan. 09. I checked. They are not on the approved list, but they also are not on the denied list either. As far as our place in line, she explained that will not change. She said that the CCAA does not keep in contact with the UCSIS (Is that the right agency?!?!? You know who I mean, right?). She said that we would just stay right in line right we we are today. She said that our I-171H would just be expired & that is it. She explained that if & when the line begins to move-she recommended when it appeared that we might be about a year out to then go ahead & update the I-171H & our home study (if it has not been done by then) & then we would be set. She said that many, many families are taking this route & it appears that it will work out fine.

Our agency strongly discourages us from doing this. We asked them what their bases was for their feelings & all they could say was that the Hague is just so new that they feared the unknown & just felt that we should stay current. Well, as far as we are concerned this whole process is nothing but risk & the unknown. So, for us~that is just more of the same. To be honest, yesterday I was ready to pull the plug completely & honestly had planned to today. I had said that I was tired & just spent. I feel that the this whole process has reached a level of what is almost cruelty to potentially adoptive parents & their families & quite frankly I think some government entity needs to stop it. I am not going to debate about the children & what is best for them & who are we doing this for & why are we doing it & that China never promised us anything.... I have heard that on other sites a million times. Thomas & I are not out to "save a child", we want to grow our family~period. So, prior to speaking to the Chicago agency that is where we were headed~to stop this for ourselves. We were going to pull our Dossier & just sit with things for a while. We were going to wait out the brewing Domestic possibilities, get this move under control, continue to research InVitro, Research Korea & Taiwan & other agencies & quite frankly~we were going to just breathe while we took some times to see where things are headed for the China program. We felt that we refused to be forced to hurry & do something that we weren't sure was right for us simply due to some piece of paper that was expiring. For us, it just didn't feel right. We were ready to put some of the control back in our hands.

Will becoming a Hague case have some kind of long term ramifications that no one knows about right now? Maybe. But, this is a better alternative for us than completely pulling our Dossier. Our Dossier can stay there, we can remain in the line, we can keep our LID & all the while still be thinking about what is best for us. We don't have to be rushed or forced to do something simply on the basis of the expiration of our I-171H. (Not too even mention the financial ramifications of having to do a renewal or an update three or four & maybe more times!) In our eyes the whole process is an unknown right now & is a huge risk. Am I encouraging anyone else to make this choice or saying that anyone else should take this route? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I am only telling our story & sharing our thoughts. We would love to hear from all of you & welcome your thoughts & opinions & what you have heard. We have made our decision. This is what we are doing. It is what is right for us.

We will have to update our home study for Illinois if & when a Domestic situation arises. That's fine. We welcome that time & will be glad to do it if & when the time comes.

Thank you all so much for your friendship & support. Nothing has changed for us except that effective 12/22 we will be a Hague case. That's it.

Confused, What did Arkansas just do?

2008-11-05T05:58:00.000-08:00

I of course like most of you this morning have been watching the election recap. There has been so much focus on the Presidential campaign, that not a lot of us have been very aware of some of the social issues on the ballot. I do not live in Arkansas, but was just in shock as one of the states ballot issues was announced on CNN. Apparently, they had an issue on the ballot that would ban singles from adopting. What?!?!? Apparently, according to CNN their intent was to prevent homosexuals or couples in same sex relationships from adopting. Their idea of a good solution to what they deemed as a problem was to put this issue to a vote. It passed. They do not recognize same sex marriage, so they have succeeded in their attempt to prevent homosexuals or same sex couples from adopting. I think the bigger focus here is that they have now stopped anyone that is not married from adopting. No single woman or man will be allowed to adopt in this state as a result of this law. This seems appalling to me. To be honest, I really don't have much more to say as I am somewhat speechless. I know that China recently chose to not any longer allow singles to apply, but this just happened in the United States. Don't they know how many singles irregardless of their sexual preference adopt & not only do they adopt; they often adopt older children & children with special needs. I really don't think I should go on right now about this as I think I need to digest this for a while~I am just really shocked right now.

Temporary Email Addy

2008-11-05T05:00:00.000-08:00

We just recently got new EMail service. Well, I should say that is what we were suppose to be getting. Eight days later, we have Internet service, phone service & cable service~but, still no EMail service. Finally, a brilliant friend (Thank you Sara L.) suggested to me that I open a GMail account. After eight days of fighting with that crazy other EMail account, I followed her advice (Why I hadn't thought to do that, who knows?!?!?). However, when setting it up I used my last name right in the address. I was reminded that I probably shouldn't plaster that on my blog. I suppose they are right. Basically, I just wanted to let you all know that if you would like my email address, just leave a comment here & I will EMail it to you privately. Eventually, we hope to have the other one up & running properly. When that happens we will let you all know & will then be using thomasandjennifer@comcast.net Until then, we will just use the GMail account. Feel free to leave me messages here or like I said, just request from here & I will shoot you a private EMail with our temporary GMail address. EMail sent to tomandjen@cableone.net will never be received by us. It will just go out there to cyber space somewhere never to be viewed again! :o)

To cut or not to cut...

2008-11-02T07:10:00.000-08:00

Okay, I had been debating back & forth for a while. Cut it or don't cut it? Everyone had their opinion about what I should do, but as with most things these days I found myself indecisive. I found this day spa/salon called "Elle" about seven minutes from our house. When I got there the stylist that I had been referred to had the very cut that I had been contemplating. The stylist had hers a little more edgy-more stacked in the back & little longer in the front than in the back. We modified the cut a little to fit what I was wanting. To me, when I walked in & saw her hair I figured that was the Universe telling me to go for it. So, I did it. I am very happy with my decision. It no longer takes me thirty minutes to dry my hair & I no longer can each & everyday have it pulled up either in a pony tail or piled up in a knot on top of my head. Thank goodness!

Checking In, Catching Up & Settling In~

2008-10-30T04:39:00.000-07:00

How is everyone? Not online much these days. No time. However, be warned, I have a little time this AM while drinking my coffee so this will likely be a marathon post!

We got moved. Load day was a little difficult as it poured rain. However, everyone worked really hard & did the best that they could under less than perfect circumstances for a move. Nothing got damaged & other than us all being a little wet behind the ears & damp down to our socks no one & nothing was any worse for the wear. The next day we met the moving truck to unload at our new place. It was a chilly & brisk morning, but sunny! We unloaded without any problems. Over all, the move as far as a moves go, I would have to say was pretty uneventful.

We are attempting to get settled. What a process! We are planning to paint every room, so there really isn't much that we can do until we start that process. We sold a lot of our furniture prior to moving & have plans to make some purchases, but again until we choose paint colors & get rolling with that we really can't make many choices. The house is fairly empty right now & we would like to keep it that way until we get a lot of these initial projects underway. It will just make them easier to complete. Right now, our main focus is to just get the boxes unpacked & get somewhat settled with the way things are & what we have now so that we can live fairly comfortably in our home as we begin to tackle projects one at a time. It is difficult to even choose blinds or curtains until you know about paint colors. It is slow, but we are making little bits of progress every day.

The house was a new construction & had never been lived in before. It was completed, other than the flooring, for a while before we moved in (almost a year actually). There are certain things that you just don't know/find until you move in & have lived in the home that needed to be finished off or that should have been done differently. The house is good. We really like it. "My list" is all just cosmetic issues mainly~but, the list is ever growing! I am so picky & pretty close to being neurotic about stuff like that. I just get focused on something that I see that needs to be or that I want done & I want it done right now. I have no patience for waiting around on stuff like that. So, I am learning that it isn't all going to get done in a day & that I need to just relax. It will all eventually get done.

The breakfast nook & most of the kitchen is open to the family room which we absolutely love. That is our favorite part of the house. I have finally been cooking in the kitchen. (Now that we can see the counter tops!) There are so many windows on the back side of the house & just like the family room being right there by the kitchen the windows run that back wall of the house right by the kitchen. I love that. We purchased a new television for the family room. We really like it. It is the biggest t.v. (52 inch) we have ever had & has the best picture. We haven't had much t.v. time, but when we have indulged ourselves with a little down time in front of the t.v., we have really enjoyed it! I don't generally get too into the whole electronic scene. That is usually Thomas's thing, but I must admit that I was pretty excited about this purchase too.

We really like the area. We love all of the options of so many places to shop & lots of activities & events always going on. We really like our neighborhood as well. We have already been invited over to a bonfire at a neighbor's house. We are looking forward to that! Everyone is so friendly & we have found the service in the area to be exceptional. We weren't sure how the people would be in a metro area, but we have been very pleased to find that the people that we have come in contact with so far have been super.

I have been venturing out on my own more & more. For those of you that know me, you might know that I can literally get lost in a cardboard box! Thomas is insisting on getting me a GPS. So far I have resisted. Mainly because I think I will probably just crash the car while trying to work the crazy thing while driving or that it would be a waste of our money as I would get so frustrated with not being able to figure it out that I might be tempted to throw it out the window at some point! (Also not great with electronics either!) I haven't gotten lost yet. Driving I will say though is a whole different experience here. People flat drive & if you don't they honk to let you know about it! Thomas & I just crack up. We still have Missouri plates on our cars & can only imagine what they must be saying about us Missouri drivers! There are so many stop lights, but the speed through them is 50 & 55MPH! We have been use to 30-35 MPH through areas with a lot of stop lights. Plus, there are business's everywhere & people are always stopping & turning. I won't even hardly talk on my cell phone while driving any more as there is just too much going on!

Our home back in Missouri hasn't sold yet. We really don't expect that it will now until spring. It would be a great surprise if it did. We really hate to have the burden of worrying about the care & maintenance of it through the winter months, but we have some great neighbors checking on it & our realtor is watching it as well. It has only been on the market a very short time & in this market-well, we won't even go there with that conversation. We have all heard way enough about "the market", haven't we? (Stock market, real estate market & grocery market...& any other market that can be gone on & on & on about!)

Thomas's job could not be going any better. He has fallen in love with his career all over again. He is very pleased with how things are going & is filled with anticipation for the future, especially in regards to the grand opening of his store that is tentatively planned for March. He is very happy. The other day we were of all things bagging groceries together at a discount grocery store. He looked at me & said, "I love my life." I smiled at him, winked & said, "You love your wife? Isn't that what you said." He laughed & responded that since I am after all a huge part of his life, that yes, that was exactly what he said. Right now he is with work having to do quite a bit of driving. This doesn't thrill him. He is use to living less than five minutes from the front door of our home to his store. Lately, he is about twenty to thirty miles away from our home to his work plus he does a lot of back & forth meetings. He is working in one store & then has to go to meetings in the town where his store is being built. Plus, living here it isn't like twenty miles=twenty minutes. Oh no! Can you say traffic!?!?! & usually lots of it! This also means that he doesn't get to come home right now for lunch either. Other than that, all is well for him at work. This is not really a problem. It is just a new part of our life that we are not use to. When his store is finished though & he is working in it full time, we will be about five miles from our home to his store.

I have been only working in the home keeping things running around here. I am thinking of picking up some PRN or part time hours somewhere though. Haven't decided what or where yet for sure, but I have been thinking about it & have spent a little time researching some of my many options. I don't know that I will go back into the hospital setting, but if I want to there are many to choose from. It is very different here though as everyone in the patient care field is required to be licensed with the state whether you are a CNA or Tele Tech. It is no different than being an RN. Obviously, it is a different education level & is a "license" with the state verses a degree, but it is impressive to me that they consider all patient care staff positions very seriously & require the utmost commitment & education from all positions. You must pass the state accredited course & be licensed. I think that is awesome, especially from the point of view of a patient!

We really like the gym that is available to us right here by our house within our subdivision. (I don't know if you can call what will soon be 2500 homes a subdivision. Maybe community would be a better word.) They have great drop in classes too & a lot of activities going on in the community center as well. (I am headed there after I am finished with this post.) I have been trying to get there as many days a week as I can. It is really a great break. They have flat screens all across one wall. You plug your ear buds into a jack on the machine & set the jack to whichever t.v. channel you want & you can hear whichever t.v. you select. It is a great place to meet people too. I have made a couple of friends there already. They also have activities & drop in care for children of all ages.

For those of you that have been asking/wondering, we haven't heard any more as of yet about the possible twin adoption. That is not a surprise. She will only be four months along on November 9th. She said weeks ago that it may be several months before we heard anything more. And then of course, we may never hear another word about it. As most of you know, you just never can tell about these situations.

As for China~no news really there either. It will soon be time to begin our renewal for our paperwork. We are not looking forward to that process again, financially or emotionally. Having moved to a new state it will be double the fun, no doubt. When we started this process & went through the initial "paper chase" the first time around we just kept thinking that if we just could get through it once we would be home free. We never dreamed that we would be doing it over & over due to lengthening wait times. They are telling us now that we could potentially wait a total of four to five years. Some speculate even longer. As of today it has been one year, three months & ten days since our log in date. So, that gives you an idea of the wait that could still be ahead for us. We are prayerful that something will change & that wait times will shorten. As we are faced with this timeline, we continue to pursue other options domestically, as well as we are strongly considering InVitro in the future. There is a great fertility clinic nearby our new home that offers a shared risk program. You pay initially $18,500.00. This includes everything for three fresh & three frozen cycles. At the end of the entire program if you have not had at least one live birth, they refund you 70% of your money. They of course have to qualify you to be a good candidate for the program first, so we will see. Also, the state in which we moved is one of the few states that requires employers who insure over 25 employees within their company to provide Infertility coverage. However, since my husband's company is not headquartered in the state in which we live, they may not fall under this requirement. We are still doing some research on this.

As a lot of you know, our email hasn't been working properly. Our Internet provider is working on it & tells us that it will be up & running by tomorrow (Friday/Halloween!) morning. If & when it is working our email address is:
thomasandjennifer@comcast.net

Don't forget! Sunday is Daylight Savings Time. You get to sleep an extra hour or have an extra hour in your Sunday to get in some R&R, however it will get dark way early which I don't love.

Are you all ready for the trick or treater's? In our community the kiddos are only allowed to knock on doors from 3PM-7PM. The weather is suppose to be good! Be safe everyone!

We actually had some snow the other day. No accumulation, but snow for sure. It started spitting ice. Sort of like hail, but quickly turned to snow. And let me tell you, when they say "the windy city" they are not kidding! My goodness, the wind is really something here!

Are we ready for the election? I am pretty excited. I am not 100% Obama, but I just can't get behind McCain for a variety of reasons that I won't drudge out here. (Mainly one word mainly explains it all where I am concerned, or rather one name-Palin. Ugh.) Regardless of your political stand, let's hope for a fair election & a new President that will bring our country the change that it needs!

It has been somewhat difficult & a really odd experience not knowing even where to get a haircut, where to go to the dentist, who to choose for a general physician etc. Our realtor & the people that we have met have been great to give us some referrals. I find myself very indecisive these days about the simplest decisions. I think it is because all of the sudden I have so many options. Instead of one Lowe's we have four (not to mention Home Depot (several), Menard's (several), umpteen hardware stores & a litany of other places that sell the same stuff that I had never heard of before. Instead of a couple of salons we have fifty plus, instead of a handful of dentist there are pages & pages in the yellow book, instead of one hospital there are six within driving distance, instead of a Wal-Mart & a HyVee~now we have at least twenty grocery stores & I don't even know how many retail shops (mind you~NONE even coming close to the awesomeness of Wal-Mart!~no favoritism there, huh?). And don't even get me started on the churches~we could visit one every Sunday & never go to the same one twice I think! Thus my indecisiveness. I finally chose a salon & have a appointment on Saturday to get my eyebrows & hair done. Thank goodness. I am looking pretty shaggy!

Speaking of choices~how many of you have an Ikea? Where has that place been all of my life!?!?!? A lot of what they have is a little modern for our home. Some of it is more for what we imagine in like a loft in downtown, but oh my goodness! They have everything! And the prices~wow! We love it. We have only been here a couple of weeks & have been there like three times already & it's about fifteen-twenty minutes from our house! Oh & Costco~never been there either. Now we are members & really like it too. And Laurie~your post about your frequent trips to Red Robin with the family prompted us to check that out shortly after arriving & YUM is what I have to say about that! Also, "The Weber Grill" restaurant~if you have the chance to ever try that out, do so! The smell is amazing. When you walk in there are about twenty Weber Grills lined up in a row in their open kitchen in which they do all of the cooking on. For those of you that know Thomas, this was a near Heaven like experience for him. He is a Weber Grill fanatic. I got him for our anniversary a few years back the big daddy of all Weber Grills & he loves that thing! He won't use gas, even though we all know it is much easier he is a charcoal man & it must be a Weber. The food? Awesome! However, get one entree' & split it. The portions are hugely ridiculous! Oh & you all know about our love for good coffee~Starbucks on every corner just about! I have put myself on a Starbucks budget. Really. It may be good, but cheap it is not! At Costco they sell $100.00 in Starbucks gift cards for $79.00. We are thinking about doing that. That is a good savings.

So, all in all it is starting to feel like home. We are getting into a routine, finding our way & are beginning to settle in a little. Some have asked for pictures of us "getting settled" to be posted. Uh...not yet. Firstly, I have no idea where my camera is & even if I could find it I doubt the batteries are charged. Second, I have no idea where my USB cables are & third-to be very honest although I may sound like this is all somewhat coming together, honestly most mornings I am fairly certain that I may very well lose my mind at some point in the day from the utter lack of disorganization & chaos in our home. (You know my type A, control freak, organizational, planner, almost neurotic personality at times has not went away just because we moved!) Really, believe me. You don't want to see photos of boxes stacked in the garage or my hair standing on end from the stress of it all. (As Thomas will tell you it is really not all that stressful, I just tend to get amped up about clutter & disorganization-thus, my utter fascination with all of the organizational components at Ikea!)

Not far from our home is a brand new GoodWill. A lot of you know that I love a good second time around store. Tomorrow is the GoodWill Grand Opening. I suppose you can guess what I will be checking out in the morning.

Okay, the gym & the boxes are calling my name~

We are outta here~

2008-10-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

As most of you know we are moving. Thomas is back home now & we are in full packing/moving mode! We will likely be taking the computer down & packing it away today or early tomorrow, so this is me signing off for a bit. I think this couldn't have come at a better time for me. A little Internet hiatus. First, forced due to the move & now, I think I might just roll with it for a while.

Just quickly, I want to say thank you for the many private emails that I received regarding all of the hype & drama from the other day in the open forum. I am so fortunate to have so, so many who understand not only where I was coming from, but so many of you understood my true intentions. I appreciate all of you!

I hope the next months bring only good things for all of us regardless of where we are in our journey! I hope that when I do check back in that lots of you will have big news to share!

Take Care!

Wow~

2008-10-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

Wow, yes that is really all I could think of to say about something that I started yesterday. I posted something in a forum that is a very popular site that many people within the adoption community visit. I did it without malice, but boy was I naive. My words were read in a much different way than they were written or intended & well, the rest is history! I will not hash out all of the nasty details of exactly was or wasn't said here again on my blog. Most of you know the website & can go, if you have an hour or TEN, & read the thread if you want to. I will say in short that all I wanted to know was where everyone's minds & hearts were in regards to an issue. The issue I knew would be a very, very sensitive topic~but, I felt that the forum in which I was raising the issue was a safe place to bring it up. OOPS! Wrong again! I knew that it would not likely make me the most popular gal around, but little did I know...I was bringing up the subject of families returning to China for multiple adoptions or even families with several biological children adopting when there are many families who are childless as a result of Infertility who haven't even been once yet. I talked about back when the climate with China Adoptions was very different; the wait was much shorter & according to the CCAA; there were many more babies available for adoption. I stated that I realized that there are MANY variables to this situation, such as special needs~but, just overall I was curious as to everyone's thoughts on the subject. The one great thing that did come of it was that through some of the outrage & slamming that occurred, & believe me there was a lot of that, there were some great post. Some that I am happy to say really opened my eyes to other's points of view. There were many post just basically yelling at me telling me that I should be ashamed of myself & that I should apologize for bringing up such a topic. There were many who said that they were very offended. Some who even went as far to say something like (not quoting here, just paraphrasing)~they were planning to take their children that they have now to China with them when they go this time for their next adoption & to think that there are those who feel this way just devastated them. Surely they already knew as I am told this issue has been brought up many times in the past. I am sure that they realize that only mere years ago that this was in fact one of the rules for China-at least that is what I was told. I know too that there are some countries still today that require that the family be childless & there are those that even require Infertility to be the reason. Now hear me clearly, PLEASE~I did say FOR MY FAMILY that it would be a difficult choice for US to put ourselves in line in front a family that was childless if we already had children in the home. That being said, I said up front that I was very sensitive to the sibling issue & thankfully due to some fabulous discussion amidst all of the hype yesterday I even have a better understanding of this now. I never wanted to push my feelings on anyone else or expected them to change their views. All that I really wanted was for people to share their thoughts, opinions & feelings on the subject so that we could possibly all open our minds & walk in another's shoes if only for the discussion. I thought that this would bring people together & help us to understand one another better. Whew, I was so naive. I even said that I knew that the CCAA makes the rules & that even if someone wanted to, you have to stay in line where you are placed. I get that. Someone emailed me privately & mentioned an idea that they had about separate lines. It was a very good idea. She was afraid to post it on the forum as she said she wasn't up for all of the slamming. Her instincts were better than mine!

I haven't been back on the site recently & don't intend on it. I did however try to post a brief comment last night & now the moderator is having all post (well, at least mine & a couple others as they have mentioned it.) go through her prior to allowing them to be posted. The thing of it is, my comments were far from the hateful tone that many took. I never told anyone to be ashamed of themselves or demanded an apology. However, my comments are not being posted, nor does it appear that anyones are who has an opinion or comment that falls on the minority side of the issue. I thought forums such as this were suppose to be fair & un-bias. Now, it is like only one side of this subject is being allowed to be posted & that is very sad. I can understand moderating a site. I mean obviously we need to keep things clean, but I would hope that we would not see censorship, especially if it made a subject seem very one sided when clearly there are many on both sides of the issue. I am not saying that is what is happening, I am just saying that as of last night it appeared to me as such.

In closing, I will just say that I wasn't offended, upset or hurt by what anyone said. I appreciated the discussion. I read the thread & just tried to see through the slamming & hatefulness to get to the good stuff. Overall, it was a good discussion & I still contend a good topic that was fair to bring up in the forum in which I did.

Here We MIGHT Go Again...

2008-10-09T17:30:00.001-07:00

If you can believe it ~after two failed domestic placements we have received yet another call this past week & yes, we are jumping in with both feet. It is VERY early & still VERY uncertain. The Mother has not completely made her decision. Therefore, we won't be able to share many details as of now-if ever, as we will always keep her & her entire families privacy at the center of our consciousness. We will keep you posted as we can. I can & will tell you one fun, VERY exciting detail-IT'S TWINS! We may not know any more than we do now for months & we may know more details next week. The main thing to know is that she knows that IF & WHEN she is ready, we are here & ready to go forward.

Thomas is coming home Saturday via the train! YAY! I am so excited! After two weeks of being in two different states, we are way ready to be reunited!

We will make our big move next week. We are ready~well, we are ready to be moved, but still have much to do to get moved. I am a good organizer & am a planner by nature. I have a date book that has every step of this move planned out day by day, so it should all go smooth. There is just so much to do as all of you that have ever moved know.

I am off to take myself a little break though. I am DVR'ing Survivor & then Grey's Anatomy~so, off for a little television watching.

Oh & for those of you watching the stock market~YIKES! I don't even want to look at our 401K & investments. Ugh. No sense in looking right, nothing to do about it but wait it out I suppose & hope for the best in the long term. It is just difficult to think about what was there & what is there now.

Blogger ? & Some Misc. Thoughts~

2008-10-04T14:17:00.000-07:00

First, the blogger ?, whenever I sign onto my blog I use my email address & then a password. I assume you all do the same. When we move, we will lose this email address & have to get a new one. What is going to happen with my blog? Is there a way for me to change the email address associated with my blog? For those of you out there that have been through changing your email address while having a blogger account & wanting to keep it & have done this already, thank you in advance for any help that you can give me.

I just first have to give a shout out to the weather~WOW! Could it get any more beautiful?!?!? Unfortunately, I have been stuck mostly inside packing & organizing, other than a few trips outdoors to the mailbox, trash & the few minute breaks here & there that I have forced myself to take just to sit & take in the awesomeness of this day! Fall is here & I love it!

Thomas has called me several times today. Being the weekend, he is not working today. So, he finds himself with time on his hands & us separated by a lot of miles & many hours. He has been keeping busy today though. He is working out the details so that he can take the train home next week. He will leave the car there in our new town & then take a taxi to the Metra Station. Then, he will hop on the Metra & ride to Union Station/Chicago. From there he will walk over to the Am track Station & catch a train to home. I will pick him up at the station closest to our home, only about ten miles from where we live now. This will be great, as we will only have one car to drive back when we move so that we can ride together. He purposefully took the smaller car & left our SUV here so that we will have more room to load that down with some of the most fragile items. He headed over to Ikea today. We love their stuff & are hoping to make a few purchases from there once we get moved, so he is checking it out today getting some more ideas. He keeps calling me from the inside the store to tell me about things that he is finding. He was in awe when he pulled up~he called me before he even got in the front door telling me that the building just for Ikea was like a mall & that it was about four stories high. He had lunch at the Weber Grill restaurant. Thomas is a huge Weber grill fan. He won't use gas, only charcoal for him. I got him the mac daddy of Weber Grills a few years ago for his b-day & he loves that thing. Anyway, he found out that they had a restaurant & he has been excited to try it out ever since. Very close to our new home they have several, so he called me from there today & told me to guess where he was having lunch. He was pretty excited. He said that he can't wait to take me there. I told him that I could almost smell it from here! http://www.webergrillrestaurant.com/
Check it out at the above link.
Anyhow, he is doing well. He is getting the lay of the land & will no doubt have much to show me once I am there as well. I am looking forward to him being my official tour guide.

My day has not been nearly as fun filled or exciting. I am sure you can guess what I have been doing...I think I already mentioned it matter of fact~packing & organizing & more of the same! It has been fine mostly. However, who would have thought that packing & organizing would bring with it the flood of emotions that I was overcome with today?!?!?!? I was working in the garage. I bought a bunch of Rubbermaid Tubs to do some-yep, you guessed it, "organizing & packing". All of our baby stuff was already mostly in tubs & labeled. (It is not however organized by sex or size, however, that will come later when we get closer to our referral or the delivery of our kiddo if that would come first via InVitro (myself) or delivery via a surrogate...) Anyway, everything was mostly already washed, folded neatly & put away in tubs, labeled & ready to go on the truck. However, there was some stuff that still needed to find its place. Most of that was from our most recent failed placement ("Emma Kate"). Having those things in my hands again brought back memories~memories that if I were to write about in a post again I would likely title it, "The best of times, the worst of times...".

The other day I may have mentioned, that my friend Kristin & I met & had pedicures & then went to lunch. Lately any type of beauty regimen for myself hasn't even been on my radar screen. Okay, let's face it~most days I do good to get a brush ran through my hair! Usually by 3PM, you can find me with my hair on top of my head, still in the t-shirt & shorts that I slept in, standing amidst piles of, yep~you guessed right-boxes! So, thank you Kristin for what was a very welcome break. The massage chairs at the pedicure place were great. I didn't want to get up even after my toes were dry.

Well, I just needed a little break. & yes, now my break is over & it is back to, yes, again you guessed correctly, "packing & organizing"!

So, What did you think?

2008-10-03T10:42:00.000-07:00

For all of you that watched the debate, what did you think? Me? Yes, I watched it beginning to end & all that came afterward & this morning. Gov. Palin drove me nuts every time she kept turning & addressing Sen. Biden. One of the main rules of a debate is that you can not under any circumstance address the other candidate. Every comment, statement, question etc. must be addressed to the moderator. As you noticed, Sen. Biden addressed everything that he said to Gwen, the moderator as the rules clearly state~that just bugged me. Follow the rules please Gov. Palin. As far as the issues, I thought that they both did a lot of side stepping & avoiding, changing the subject & just carrying on about whatever was on their individual agendas irregardless of what the moderator asked or directed. Gov. Palin even went so far as to state that she would do it her way irregardless of what the moderator or Sen. Biden might ask or want to know. I got quickly tired of hearing about how they do it in Alaska & quickly grew weary of hearing about the soccer moms of the world & BTW, who the heck is "Joe Six pack"?!?!? And since when did John McCain change his name to "Maverick"? Ugh. They both need to get their heads out of the clouds~both of them referred to the middle class time & time again as to a family earning annually less than $250,000.00. What?!?!?! They neither one at any time spoke in reference to the lower income families. The families in which a family of four is barely bringing home $49,000.00 annually or the senior citizens living on a fixed income who are going hungry so that they can pay their electric bill & get a few of their much needed prescriptions. They wanted to talk about the bail out, but at no time did either of them care to explain why the "middle class American" is left to pick up the pieces & clean up this mess that Wall Street has caused. And then the health care plans~one is subsidized & the other is a $5,000.00 plan that is going to cause millions of us to get dropped by our companies who now provide us with good health care policies & have to replace it with less than half of the money that it cost in the first place.

I don't know about you, but all I got out of the debate last night was something that I already knew~we are in big trouble folks!

Elaborating~

2008-10-01T17:10:00.001-07:00

I thought that I would break it down for those of you not logged in for China that might not be as familiar with the timeline as those of that are logged in. A lot of you have friends or family that are logged in & are as impatient & curious about this wait as we are. So, here it goes!

Okay, so as I told you in my last post the CCAA got through the 15th, of February that is-2006!! Remember our log in date is July 20, 2007. They have been on average doing about six days of referrals per batch & on the average they do about a batch a month.

There have been a lot of rumors about a speed up. So, let's just say some miracle occurs & they start doing a month at a time. (The only reason I say that is because it makes the math really simple!) So, let's figure as if they are done with February, again to simplify the math. If they were through with February 2006 (they are not, as I said they are through the 15th-but anyway~), then it would take seventeen more months to get to us. In order for them to do a month at a time, the CCAA would have to start referring four times the batches that they are now-NOT likely.

If the CCAA would start doing double what they are doing now, that would get them to almost two weeks at a time. This would be half of what I described above. Two weeks at a time would put us waiting another thirty-four months.

If they continue at this rate, well...can we even do that math in our heads? Let's see, that would be another 68 months...also known as 5.67 years.

Keep in mind, this is just straight ol' math. Just the numbers as they are now without considering any of the variables that we all know now have to be considered. The biggest one is attrition. So many people have dropped out of line~some have moved to special needs, some have switched countries & some have just dropped out all together. Also, it is worth mentioning the decrease in the number of Dossiers now being submitted for China. After May 2007 the regs were tightened & changed dramatically, so there was a big decline after May. However, the months right before May were huge months as everyone who would not qualify under the new regulations were all trying to get in under the cut off.

As of today, those that received their referrals this month have waited on average for about two years, nine months give or take a month here or there.

We are being told by our agency to anticipate a total wait time of about three years. That would mean that we will wait another 22 months. That will put us at or around August 2010. We must remember though that when we first started all of this we were told that we would wait about nine-twelve months & here we are at just over fourteen months with no end in sight.

We fully expect to wait three-four years total, but nothing would surprise us. I will be 36 next month. At this point, I just hope & pray to see Mia's face by the time I celebrate my 40th birthday.

Not the 19th~

2008-09-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

Referrals came & it looks like we made it through the fifteenth. In my previous post I had wished aloud that we would get to the nineteenth. Maybe I should have kept my wishes to myself, huh? We were through the ninth, so I guess we can mark off six days. Well, at least that is something, at least we have continued forward movement~slow as it may be. The referrals that I have been fortunate to see this round are all so sweet, as always. Congratulations to all of the families who are just seeing their babies face for the first time. Here's hoping that your travel approval come quickly!

Tomorrow will be Thomas's third day in his new position in his new market. He has called me many times since arriving & is doing well. He is not too fond of hotel living. He will be glad when we can make the big move, we can both be in the same state again & we can begin the process of settling into our new place.

Tomorrow is more organizing, packing, phone calls & errands for me. Off to bed for now.

We found a house.

2008-09-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

Yep, we officially have a new home to move into. We spent a few days this week in Illinois. One of the days we started out early in the morning with our realtor looking at properties & continued through mid-afternoon. In the end, we found a great home in a great subdivision. It is a new construction, so there are a few things to be done yet as you can see in the above pictures. Mainly just flooring & moving some of the appliances in. They have assured us that it will be done in plenty of time. We will be moving in a couple of weeks. Right now we are busy packing & wrapping things up here.
Our new place is in what they are now calling a "multi-generational community". You know how they have some that are 55+, for senior citizens~well, the one that we are moving to is for the other generations I guess. Here is the description of it:

This multi-generational community is a family oriented and value enhanced community that has the amenities of a village in a convenient location for commuters. Currently planned for 2,995 homes, the community was recently named best overall suburban community & has been the top selling community since sales opened in 2005. The community is comprised of 1,164 acres including over 360 acres of open space including 12 lakes, wooded park areas and 5.2 miles of walking and bike trails. We feature a large community center with three outdoor pools, a large gymnasium, aerobics rooms, cardiovascular and weight rooms, a day care center and much more! The community also features an on-site Charter School and pre-school, five baseball diamonds, three soccer fields, several playgrounds and tot-lots and a skate park.

We toured the grounds & the community center. We can't wait to have some little ones who can take advantage of all of the activities that they offer for the younger ones. However, in the meantime they offer many things for Thomas & I too! We think we have really chosen a home in an area that is a great fit for us & the future of our family. We are anxious to call it home.

We had our moving sale. It was a great success. Thankfully, we were able to get rid of all of the large items & most everything else as well. Some items that were left we took to the local Mission & we have a few items that we still need to take to consignment.Our home here is still on the market. It has had some interest & a few showings, but it has not sold yet. The banks have tightened their reigns & are requiring much more of a down payment, even for first time home buyers so that is proving to make it more difficult for some to get financing. That of course trickles down to those of us selling homes as it reduces the number of potential/eligible buyers.

Thomas's last day here at the store went well. He will start his new position very soon. He is very anxious to get going. During this last trip to look at property we were able to sit in the parking lot of the new store & watch some of the bricks being laid. The construction workers were working very hard. They had accomplished a lot since we had been there only weeks prior. It was very exciting for Thomas & me too to be able to see the progress first hand. We both got a little emotional as we sat there literally watching the walls being put into place.

Sounds as if referrals are about to be on their way! We are hoping for a lot of days. C'mon the 19th I say! That would be ten days & something that we could all feel good about, right? If I were being very optimistic I would say c'mon the 27th as some friends of ours are LID on that day. It won't be long now Lane's! With a LID of July 07, we are living vicariously through others who are a little closer than us these days. It is about time for us to begin the renewal process for our I-171H. UGH! What more can I say?!?! And right here when we are moving to a new state! I don't even want to think about it. It make me nauseated. I fear that it is going to be like Dossier preparation all over again~new state, new physician, new social worker etc. I just keep telling myself, "one thing at a time..."!

Well, off to bed. Tomorrow will bring with it more packing...this moving thing~what a job!

**Sorry about the paragraphs in this post or should I say the lack there of...for whatever reason Blogger will not let me edit & fix that?!?!?**

When ?

2008-09-17T07:09:00.001-07:00

The question everyone is asking that we don't have an answer for..."When are you actually moving?".

Well, we do have a tentative plan. Here it is...coming up first is our big ol' garage moving/sale. Then, we will be leaving to head that way for a few days to meet with our realtor there to look at properties. We hope while we are there that we will find & secure a place to live. Depending on how that goes & how long it takes, at some point we will then return back to our home here to begin preparations to get Thomas packed & ready to move. He will stay in an extended stay/lodging type place for a bit so that he can go ahead & begin work. I will stay behind & tie up business here & work on packing. Once I am wrapping things up here, Thomas will get an additional seven days off in which he will come back & help me finish the packing & then we will actually move.

So, back to the original question..."When are we actually moving?". I guess the answer is that we don't really know for sure. We would at this time think it will be in a few weeks, but we couldn't say that for sure. It just depends on how things go.

We have had several people look at the house already & apparently one family that is very interested. We hope to have an offer from someone soon. If not, that's okay. We are not in any huge hurry to sell it. However, it will just be one less thing for us to not have to deal with once we are moved.

Things are going very well so far with the whole transition. Yesterday was officially my last scheduled work day at the hospital. I was overstaffed & put on call due to low census in the Unit in which I work. They called me at 4:30AM yesterday. I am not going to go into the specific details, but I will say that the end of my employment with that hospital after being there for just shy of six years did not end the way that I would have hoped. However, I will say this; I am taking one huge thing from there with me; well a couple of things really. First, a lot of knowledge. I did learn a lot while I was employed there & I am grateful for that. Most importantly though, I made friends & got to know a few people over the years while I was working there that I feel like now are my extended family. You guys know who you are! (At least I hope that you do!) I will treasure those special friendships always. I will definitely keep in touch. As soon as I have it, you will have my new address, phone number & email...& I will expect you to use them! :o)

Thomas's last day at his store here is tomorrow. They are having a little surprise something for him in the morning that they have invited me to as well. (SHHHH! It's a secret for now!) He is ready to move on, but as with most things that you have done for six years~it will be an emotional day as he makes his exit & moves on to new things. He had a vacation week scheduled for early October. Since he won't be taking it then, he was fortunately able to move it up to this week so that he can be around & more available to continue to prepare for & have our sale, more packing & to go look at homes for us to move into.

To those of you who have been a part of our lives while we have lived here locally & for all of you reading this~we will miss seeing you on a regular basis, but no worries! We will stay in touch! Email, long distance, cell phones, the train, auto & airplanes...it will work out great, we will make sure of it!

Round Three

2008-09-14T12:49:00.000-07:00

Quick update. Terry is not pregnant. Per our request we are sitting out this month. Lots to do. We will pick up where we left off, plus add in some drugs & try again in a month or so. Depending on how that goes, we will then decide if we will try again with Terry & if so, how many more months.

We are researching some fertility clinics in the area where we are moving. We are thinking about the possibility of giving InVitro Fertilization a couple of shots; with me not a surrogate. There are some great clinics in & around the Chicago area. It is now or never. I will be 36 November 25th, so we can't think about this possibility very much longer. We don't want to look back at some point & wonder if we should have tried it, so we are thinking about giving it a shot in or around April 2010. We need to get moved & settled, plus I want to be in the best health that I can possibly be in. I have about fifty more pounds I would like to lose to be at my goal weight. So, with those things in mind & of course we will see what happens with Terry & also where we are in our timeline with Mia's adoption at that time as well. For now, this is the plan that we have in our minds though.

Moving is coming along. Our home isn't even listed on the MLS yet, there is no sign in the yard & we haven't even had the realtor open. However, there was a family that wanted to see it the day after we signed the contract to list it with a realtor. We allowed them to show it & apparently this family is very interested. They are "sleeping on it". So, hopefully come Monday morning we will have an offer.

We will be having a huge moving sale. We are pricing items for that this week. We are heading to Illinois in a few days to meet with the realtor to look at properties. We will stay there a couple of days. Hopefully before returning home we will have a place secured to move to in Illinois.

Hopefully within a few weeks most all of this will be done & behind us. We will likely be moved, far from settled~but, at least moved!

Brief update~

2008-09-09T17:16:00.000-07:00

I gave my official resignation at work today. That really made me realize that this is really happening! We are so ready though & so excited!

Thomas has been in contact with his new region's HR department. He is scheduled to start in Illinois September 27th! NO KIDDING! Isn't that right around the corner? At first they said something like the 15th!!! Oh my! Obviously, we won't be totally ready to move by then, so we are not totally sure how this will all play out just yet. However, his company has an awesome relocation division that seems to so far be ready to handle just about everything that you can imagine for us...from selling our house for us to finding us a new one to moving us & on & on! They apparently do it all.

I am off now for a few days. It will be nice to be able to sit down & make a game plan with Thomas as to everything that we need to accomplish & when. We are just going to sit the priorities & go from there. It will all work out fine.

We don't know anything yet from Terry (SIL/possible surrogate) yet either, but it should be in just a couple of days when we will know something. We will definitely know at the latest Sunday, but probably before then.

We did find out that they don't plan to actually grand open Thomas's store until March 2009. He will get an office in the market office there in a near by town so that he can start conducting interviews.

That is about it for now. I will let you know more as we find out more details.

We're Moving!

2008-09-07T10:52:00.000-07:00

Thomas got the job! Yep, we are home from Illinois...amazingly safe & sound~more on that a little later & yes, we are moving. We will soon be calling Huntley, Illinois our home!

As I think I might have mentioned in a previous post the store is not even built yet, however, while there we took a look at the building site & it is well on its way. The sign out front says "Coming Fall 2008". So, it is likely not far off from being completed.

We don't have a ton of details yet. Thomas got the call to offer him the position on Friday just shortly after noon. It was so neat as he was home on his lunch hour when his cell phone rang. So, we got to get the news together. It was a very special moment.

Thomas has been working towards this career goal for many years now. I am so proud of him!

We really liked the area & are thrilled to be so close to Chicago. There is the neatest train system called the Metra. You just hop on & Chicago, here we come!

While we were there we ate at a Chicago Pizzeria. Wow, now that's some pizza! One piece & done! I was stuffed. However, we were like "This left over pizza is coming home with us for sure!" Luckily we had a cooler with us with water & such for the road, so we refilled that with ice & our pizza made the trip home. It was the best for lunch on Friday for Thomas & I after we returned home.

We think that we we have a few weeks before we have to be there. Thomas has to hire probably at least 400 associates, so he will have a lot to do long before the doors open.

We have a million things to do now. Of course, getting our house on the market being the first. The second is starting the process (which actually we have already done) of finding a home in Illinois. We are also in the process of getting ready for a HUGE moving sale. What an undertaking. We knew the time was drawing near, so that process was already begun as well. Now it will just be a much larger sale than what it might have been if we were not moving.

Well, for the not so fun part of the trip....we had a wreck on the way up there. Really, no kidding. Long story short~I was driving. The front right wheel touched the white line & honest to goodness until the whole thing was over I didn't know what had happened. I couldn't get the car back on the road & when I did the car spun around & went into the other lane (thank goodness there was no oncoming traffic!). Then I attempted to correct back to the other lane & the car was literally skidding sideways down the highway at 55 miles per hour. I was still trying to get the car into the correct lane & straightened out as there was a big drop off on that side, plus I was just waiting to get t-boned by oncoming traffic. Finally, I got it back over but the car was in a tail spin. I couldn't get it turned around & we flew backwards over the shoulder & into the ditch & down into this little field. Thank goodness it wasn't too bad of a drop off! It had rained so the grass was slick-so we slid & we don't know how~but the car didn't roll. If we would have been in our SUV...oh my goodness! We would have turned over no telling how many times! Anyway, I don't know what to say about the whole thing other than it is a miracle that we are okay &...you are not going to believe this, but I drove our car out of that field & other than lots of mud, grass & just overall mess our car seemed okay. We took it to the next Tire & Lube Center & they took the tires off & cleaned all of the muck out of the rims & checked things out. Thomas looked under the car & it looked & ran perfectly. So, we of course called 911 to get a police report just in case we did end up having an insurance claim. We walked down to where the accident started, the place where my tire touched the white line...you know how there is usually additional asphalt poured up to meet the road or at least gravel grated up where the road & the shoulder meet? Well, NOTHING for about a couple hundred yards except for about a six inch drop off & a small gully where rain had washed out a little ditch beside of that. So, my tire probably dropped off the six inches which I couldn't have recovered from anyway at 55 miles per hour & then hit that gully & boom-we were done. So, the Police called the Department of Transportation & made them come immediately with a stat road crew to repair that. He measured our skid marks & took photos. He assured me that other than riding the white line that I did nothing wrong & that anyone that would have had that happen the same thing would have most likely occurred. He said that it had to be fixed immediately as that the next person that came along probably wouldn't be so blessed as to not have any oncoming traffic in the other lane or that they might have went over the other side where there was a big drop off. Thankfully we are fine, (my back & neck wrenched a little, but seem okay now), no one else was injured & the car is fine~so we are just grateful! Really, like my Mom said God just wasn't finished with us yet as that could have been & should have been such a different ending! I mean it was a really bad accident. It lasted a few minutes. It wasn't just boom & over. I mean, the fact that we didn't get hit by oncoming traffic & that we didn't roll over...it is just a miracle. Plus, the fact that we drove out of there. I mean, the car? Who cares? BUT, it is wonderful that it wasn't hurt. Many times after that happened during our trip & even now we have just been so thankful & thinking about where we should have been at that time...laid up in a hospital bed, or in the morgue, or making funeral arrangements for the other...etc. It just is amazing that we are okay.

This week, around Thursday or Friday should be the big day...the day we will find out if Terry is pregnant or not. We are hopeful as always.

Referrals came a lot more quickly than expected, huh ? We just love seeing those babies sweet, sweet faces! Congrats to all who have finally for the first time laid eyes on their baby! Come on big batches & keep them coming quickly, right everyone?

The last couple of weeks have brought a couple of baby showers for my good friend Kristin. First, one that we had for her at work & then one that a friend of her family had for her. They were both great. Kristin, Thomas & I are so happy for you, Matthew & the new little one on the way! Thank you for including me in your showers. I had a good time. Oh & the catering yesterday~YUM! That cake...you weren't kidding about how great it was! So good! It was a nice time! Kristin is due in November about a week before my birthday. I keep telling her that she is going to have to keep that little one cookin' just a little longer so me & the baby can share the same birthday. (Just kidding...I would never wish being nine months pregnant on anyone any longer than absolutely necessary!)

Off to do laundry, finish unpacking from our trip & gather more items up for our moving sale!

Trying again...

2008-08-30T12:27:00.000-07:00

Well my SIL had another round of insemination's this past week. We got a little more aggressive with our regimen this cycle. When she had her positive LH surge to indicate ovulation she went into the specialist for an ultrasound. There was a big ol' follicle just about ready to burst. Ovulation was eminent! YAY! The follicle was so big in fact, the doctor thought that it may burst that very day. So, they went ahead & did the first of the two insemination's. She also took the HCG shot on that day as well just for a little added insurance. It didn't look like she needed it, but it can't hurt, so we did that as well. (The HCG just ensures that the follicle will rupture within approximately the next 48 hours.) 24 hours later she went in for the second insemination. Now we wait...she will use Progesterone supplementation as well to ensure that her Luteal Phase is plenty long to provide adequate time for implantation. At her first appointment when she had the ultrasound the doctor measured her lining as well. The doctor indicated that conditions couldn't be better apparently. Everything looked just as it should. It appeared that her body was preparing to be pregnant. So, we find ourselves in the dreaded two week wait yet again. I hate this part. The specialist told us that it is very common for a woman on certain months to not ovulate. Since we did no interventions last cycle; no test or ultrasounda we have no idea what we were dealing with. The doctor said that it is likely that ovulation never even occurred last cycle. So, again we are cautiously optimistic as we wait out the next couple of weeks.

Thomas & I will be traveling to Chicago next week. Well, right outside of Chicago actually. Thomas sailed thru two telephone interviews for another potential store of his own & has been invited to do a walk thru interview for this particular store next week. He has also been asked to begin the interview process for two other stores in different regions. One is in Iowa & one is in Arkansas. He hasn't even done the telephone interviews for those stores yet though. Actually, for those two particular stores I think he just "opted in". I am not even sure they have decided out of all of the candidates that opted in which ones will actually receive the telephone interviews. It will be a short trip for us. Only two to three days depending on our schedules here at home. We are hoping to leave in the evening a day earlier than necessary just to give us a little more traveling time & time there. It will be nice too not to be in such a rush. We are very excited at the possibility of living that close to such a big city. We really enjoy small town America, but love the city & the culture & ethnic diversity that it offers. However, this is still very far from a done deal, so we are not getting to amped up. Thomas may go through this process many, many times before he is finally chosen for a store in an area that will be best for our family. My SIL lives only about an hour from where we will be. So, we are in hopes that we might get to see her while we are there too. Hopefully our visit will somehow fit into her work schedule. That would be great!

Fun Give Away!

2008-08-30T12:19:00.001-07:00

Okay, so click on this link below to hop over to a fellow blogger's blog & enter her contest!

http://www.ourfamilyjournal.com/

You could win the cutest camera strap or a totally hip purse! She is a blog designer & is wanting to get the word out~So, in celebration of her grand opening we all get a chance to win something awesome just for checking out her blog & leaving a comment. For extra entries you can help her advertise by mentioning her give away on your blog!

So, hop on over! Check out her blog designs & of course her lovely family. While you are there make sure to comment so that you can enter her give away & also be sure to scope out the awesome prizes while you are visiting.

Onto the next round...

2008-08-18T14:55:00.000-07:00

As of today it appears that we are not pregnant this month. (Sister in law called this AM) That's okay...Onto the next month. It would have been great, but the specialist tells us on average that it takes about three months with this process & that there is a learning curve that comes every month that is most often helpful. So, with that we move on. We have talked at length & are in the process of coming up with our game plan for our next cycle. We have a pretty good idea of what might have happened & are gathering our plan as to what we will do differently this time. We will speak with the doctor, get her input & decide for sure the best way to proceed. We will do this tomorrow as it will be time before we know it to try again, probably in about nine-twelve days. So, it won't be long.

For now, that is about it really here at our place. My niece Maddie will start 4th grade on Wednesday. How exciting! Good luck Madison! We know you will do so wonderful! You are a super star & Uncle Thomas & I are so, so proud of you!

Okay, more later.

We're home...

2008-08-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

We are home from St. Louis. We arrived back home this past Sunday. We had a great time. Can you believe that we didn't take one single photo! Crazy, huh? We were just too involved & having to much fun. To be honest, I just didn't want to be bothered with it. Let's see, where to start? We just really had a good time. Our hotel was amazing. It was more like a suite. It had not one, but three flat screen televisions...one of which was in the bathroom so you could watch while you were in the tub! Go figure?!?!? It had a little living room area with a couch & some chairs & then you turned & went up a few stairs to get to the bedroom. It was beautiful & certainly it spoiled us for a few days! The place had the most awesome indoor/outdoor pool & hot tubs, all of which we enjoyed most everyday that we were there. One evening my Aunt & Uncle came down to see us. They only live about an hour away from St. Charles (which is actually where we stayed). We had a lot of fun with them. We hit one of the casinos for a little while & then ate a wonderful dinner while they were there & just really enjoyed our visit with them. On another evening we went to the Maryland Plaza area & ate at this place called "The Drunken Fish". WOW! Wonderful Sushi! We sat outside & enjoyed our meal. It was the neatest little area of town. There was such a great mix of people & it was a beautiful evening out...perfect weather! Then, from there we drove & met a friend of ours for an evening of fun & had a great time with him. Another night we met another friend who lives in Warrenton. We met her, her boyfriend & her kids for dinner & then went to her new house & visited for a while. We did some shopping, at some great food, swam, RELAXED, worked out everyday, visited with family & friends, watched movies together & just basically immersed ourselves in all things "Thomas & Jen" when & how it suited us. Oh & speaking of the working out...if I may brag on myself a little. (For those of you that run, you will understand this...) I made six miles while we were away. The gym where we stayed had the most awesome Precor equipment. It was so smooth! Anyway, the machines had these t.v.'s hooked to the front of them. I plugged my Mp3 player headphones into it & took off. After a while I almost forgot what I was doing. I just kept going. The next day I only did four miles. None the less, I am getting there! Still not confident enough to officially call myself a "runner", but I am learning the ropes & getting better at it everyday.

From St. Louis we headed to my parents home at the Lake of the Ozarks. We stayed with them through Sunday. We had a nice visit. My brother & his family came over one evening for a really yummy dinner. Madison; my niece, & I went shopping & basically the rest of the time we just hung out. It was great to be with our family!

We are settling back in at home now. Back to work schedules, household chores & commitments...that's okay though, for the most part life is good.

When I last posted I had told you that my SIL was having her insemination's. Well, she had one on that Monday & the second one the next day on Tuesday. They both went well. Now we are just waiting. Today is day nine post insemination. So, it won't be long now until we now if we are pregnant or not. She is in fact having a symptom or two that could lead us to believe that maybe this worked the first time around, but we are trying not to over analyze every little detail. Most of you know how difficult that is, not to ponder & over think every single little twinge, ache or pain during the two week wait to find out, but we are trying very hard to keep our feet on the ground & to remain hopeful, but to be very cautiously optimistic at the same time. We don't have any expectations really. It is what it is & is done & over at this point...all but the finding out. They tell us that there is a 40-70% chance that it worked. So, for now we just continue to wait.

The Olympics have been pretty amazing, huh? Go Michael Phelps! (Like he needs any cheering on!) That guy is a phenom! I read an article today where he says that he eats on average 12,000 calories a day & he can't keep weight on! He burns so many carbs training that he is still burning more than he takes in! http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/Michael-Phelps?urn=oly,100671
The above is the link to the article where he talks about it. He list his normal daily menu...you won't believe it!

Well, referrals did in fact come in while we were away. It looks like even though technically more days were referred as you would calculate on a calendar, that the CCAA only got through two actual log in dates. Well, all I can say is at least they are through January 06, right? Now, with the Olympics in full swing, it will be interesting to see where we go from here. Congrats to all of you families who have just seen their babies faces for the very first time! What a moment that must have been! It won't be long until he or she will be in your arms!

Well, I am off to call my SIL before she heads into work for the day. I want to see how she is today. I know if there was anything to tell she would have already called us, but I can't resist checking in with her! :o)

Exciting Times...

2008-08-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

We are leaving in the morning for St. Louis for a few days. Thomas & I had some time to take off & since we only just got back from the Dominican not too long ago & are headed to Wisconsin in early October, we just wanted to get away for a few days, but not too far. When we leave there, we will head to my parents home about three hours from there to stay for a few days. We are really looking forward to our time away & our visit with our family. We really don't have any big plans while in St.Louis. We might enjoy walking around the Zoo IF it is not too hot or maybe the Botanical Gardens. However, really the only things we are planning is to sleep in, enjoy hotel life with some room service, get up & work out everyday in the awesome gym at the hotel, get ready at our leisure & then maybe do some shopping. We will likely check out the Babies-R-Us to do some window shopping too. (We don't have one in the town where we live.) The other thing that we have planned is to find a really good Sushi place one night for dinner. We really like Sushi & in order to get good Sushi, the city is our best option. We might go see a comedy show or a band somewhere too. We know this Karaoke place too that Thomas has sang at before & we will probably go there too. We have some friends that live in St. Louis, so hopefully we will get to see them while we are there. We are really looking forward to it.

We have kind of big news. Well, today was cycle day 10 for SIL. She had spoken to her Reproductive Endocrinologist on Friday who told her to start testing twice daily that day watching for her LH surge. So, that was on CD8. She had already tested for baseline on CD4, due to the fact that we know that woman her age can sometimes just have higher levels of LH all month long, so if & when we got the surge we wanted to make sure that it was a true surge. Thankfully her baseline was totally negative. The LH surge apparently is indicative that you will ovulate in the next 12-48 hours from everything that we have read. Well, guess what? SHE SURGED TODAY! She called us a little bit ago & said, "This is your surging sister in law calling!". I was so surprised as we didn't expect it for a few days yet. She called the clinic & her RE was on call. I guess the docs have Blackberry's. So, the operator asked SIL what she wanted in the message line to RE to say & she would send her a message. So, SIL told her to just put, "LH surge now." . Within about forty five seconds the RE herself called SIL back. SIL said that she is just blown away by the personal service that she has been receiving from the clinic. RE personally called SIL on Friday & said, "Your vials have arrived!". And then they proceeded to talk for twenty minutes! I think that maybe the RE is a little excited to be working with a very reproductively healthy female & perfect male sperm/specimen. I think probably she is so used to dealing with so much infertility that she is enjoying this run at this with a situation that is not her norm at the clinic. Anyway, SIL is to be there at 8AM tomorrow morning for the first insemination & at 8AM on Tuesday morning for the second. We are cautiously excited. We are just excited for now that thus far things are going so well. RE said that CD10 is perfect as that would indicate that SIL will ovulate likely around CD12 or 13 as last month she was a 27 day cycle. She is usually 27-28 days. So, "this all totally makes perfect sense"...those are the RE's words. So, anyway~potentially our baby could be conceived in the next couple of days. Wow, huh? And then...the wait for the next couple of weeks to see if this first round results in conception. Ugh...the waiting! Considering what we have been through, we have fairly low expectations that it will happen the first month, but statistically the RE says the chance is about 40-70%...so, those are pretty good odds really.

Well, gotta continue working on some cleaning & household chores. You know, laundry & such. Want it all done prior to being away for a bit. The neighbors take care of things for us while we are away, but just like things to be in order when we get home.

Take care. Have a good week. I will likely not have Internet access all week. I hope referrals show up or at the very least some great rumors regarding referrals start to surface. Thomas & I have been watching the Olympic trials & are planning to watch the Opening Ceremonies on the 8th. We will be glad when they are done & over...the Olympics I mean. We are more interested in seeing what will come of the CCAA's progress after they end than we are interested in the Olympics. I must say though, that the trials have been exciting & we have enjoyed watching them together the last few days. Our fingerprints expire in September. Our agency tells us to let them expire. Oh my...I don't know what I think about that. Guess we will dive into all of that when we get home. Our I-171H expires 12/22/08. According to our agency that is the one that we need to stay on top of . It all confuses us to be totally honest. At this point I am not sure the right hand knows what the left is doing. You know? (All of this is for anyone involved in a China adoption right now. For the rest of you, most of that will mean nothing to you.) A lot of agencies I guess are now saying 31-48 months for a total wait time. We are about a year in. We have to admit that for the very first time we have pondered the thought that if this situation with our SIL works out, what will we do? If she would have twins, would we consider pulling out of China? I don't know. We doubt that we would, but anymore we just almost feel like we just want our babies & want to live our lives. We are tired of this being the focus of our lives & feeling so consumed by it all. I know that you understand. Actually, SIL surprised us again the other day by saying that IF this works out & goes off without a hitch that she would likely do it again for us as soon as she safely could. Wow, huh? We will just see. One day at a time. Let's get pregnant the first time first! :o)

Like I said, have a good week. I will be thinking of you & hoping to come home to a new date posted that the CCAA referred to that is way far into the future & to a RQ post with lots of gorgeous little faces that will soon be coming home!

Just checking in...

2008-07-26T17:45:00.001-07:00

Not a lot to post about today...just thought that I would check in. Things are going well with us. I will be picking up more hours at work in the coming weeks. They are short handed & since we are still childless there is not really any reason that I can't be out of the home a little more often & pick up some more shifts at the hospital, so I did. Plus, it is nice to have the extra income so we can save a little more back. The only reason that I had cut back on my hours a few months ago was in preparation to stay home with "Emma Kate". Since she is not with us, I will be working more again...for a little while anyway.

We are getting closer & closer to our big day. It won't be long now before our surrogate will have the first insemination. We are so excited & so grateful. The truth is, we have no expectations. Honestly, we are just so grateful for each day that we are blessed to be able to have so many feelings of excitement & anticipation. We are so thankful to have hope once again. We are thrilled to be able to look ahead to our future & know that there is a chance that our greatest dream may actually come true. For these things, we are so, so grateful. For now, that is enough. We are taking each day as it comes, one at a time. We are hoping soon to have very "positive" news to share with you all!

I just got finished working out. Whew! It is so hot. It was ridiculous hot here today anyway. Our air conditioner is cranking & I had the fan on me while I was on the treadmill & I am still soaked in sweat. I went to a few garage sales this morning in search of a great bargain that I just couldn't live without...& what do you know~I found a few! Ha. I got so hot by about 10AM, I threw in the towel on that agenda & headed to Wal-Mart. We have a week off in early August & we are headed to see my family. They live by a huge touristy area with a major lake. We are going to do some fishing, swimming, BBQ'ing etc. I needed a new swimsuit to take along. While recently in the Dominican Republic we realized that mine was a little thin in the derriere region! Ooops! You could about see right through the darn thing. I have a couple, but that one was my favorite. So, I wanted to find another one that I really liked. Then, after Wal-Mart I went to Maurices & bought a couple of new outfits. Guess I was in a shopping mood. I am a big second hand shopper. I don't generally buy brand new, at least where clothes are concerned, unless it is for a special event. Well, along my weight loss journey I have pretty much gotten rid of a lot of my clothes as they were too big. I just don't have a lot of summer items that aren't just t-shirts & capris or workout wear. You know, stuff that is just fine for around the house or a trip to the grocery store, but not so great for an evening out with your hubby or your friends. So, I bought a few things today that I am really happy with. I was feeling like a slouch always wearing t-shirts, so I broke down & made a few purchases.

We had major flooding here in our town just a couple of nights ago! We got something like eight inches just over night. It was awful. So many people's homes were flooded. We had many city streets & main roads closed with water up over the road. One of the local parks was completely flooded. There was water up over top of the picnic tables! They are calling for rain for the next five to six days. We just feel so badly for the families that have been affected. We have a garden that is suffering terribly. However, it is not a crop that we rely on to feed our family necessarily or provide monetary income for us. There are so many that have crops & farms that are a source of income & food for their families. They have so much invested. I can only imagine what that must feel like to be helpless in regards to the weather only to be able to stand by & watch it happen. Our thoughts & prayers are with all those who are suffering at the hands of Mother Nature right now!

One year ago today...

2008-07-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

Well, we have reached a milestone of sorts today I suppose. One year ago today the CCAA in China logged in our Dossier & our wait for our Mia officially began. We are not "celebrating" this day. Not really a conscious choice not to do so, we have recognized that today is one year & we talked about it & are very thankful that we are one year closer than we were before. However, that will be the extent of it. Every day we long for her, every day we think about her & pray for her, every day we wonder how much longer & every day we are ridden with anxiety in regards to all of the uncertainty these days with China Adoption. My point? Today is no different. All of those things are just the same.

We are having a very good weekend. Thomas & I are both off. We are enjoying our time together very much. We went to our local farmer's market yesterday where we walked around & purchased some produce & some other goodies. Then we hit the coffee shop. We got coffee & bagels. We found a bench there on the square & enjoyed our breakfast. We visited with some people that we ran into that we knew. We came home & watched a movie & then grilled out last evening. It is great having Thomas back at home.

Some friends from a local waiting group are in China now & finally have their sweet little Lindley. http://lindleybuchanan.blogspot.com/ You can go here to their blog & read a little about their first meeting & see a couple of photos. They haven't posted much as they have said, "We have been busy being parents." So understandable! However, they have taken the time to keep us posted on how things are going. Congratulations Buchanan Family!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

A lot going on...

2008-07-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

Things have been a little hectic for us lately. Thomas has been away on business for the past four weeks. He has been in Arkansas. Thankfully, he has been coming home on the weekends. Although we both enjoy our visit & he really needs the time at home, it is a long drive for him round trip in such a short amount of time. The trip is about eight hours one way! He could have flown, but the airport he would have most likely flown out of is quite a drive from our home. By the time he would have driven to the airport he would have been almost halfway to his destination. Well, not quite half way, but he still felt like it would have been more trouble than it was worth to fly, so he chose to drive. He says that although he has not necessarily enjoyed being away from me & our home, that this business trip as far as his career is concerned has been worth every second of being there. In relation to his job, this has been a very successful trip.

Some of you also know that Thomas is beginning to interview for a different position within his company. The interview process is tough. Most of the people in Thomas's position that have interviewed for this promotion in the past have gone through the process six-nine times before actually getting the placement that they are trying for. It is a three step process that involves first a phone interview, then a second phone interview & then a face to face interview which also includes actually performing the duties of the job for part of the day while being monitored by the superiors that are conducting the interview. You don't necessarily go through the whole process every time, it just depends on how far you get. About a month ago Thomas got asked to do his first interview. He only got through the first telephone interview which was fine & what he expected. He just chalked it up to a good experience & that he was thankful that he would know more of what to expect next time. Well, while in Arkansas last week he got a call that they wanted him to do another phone interview for a different location. He did the first phone interview, the next day they called him & that afternoon did the second phone interview & then that afternoon told him to be in Illinois on Monday morning to do the face to face interview. Whew. What a whirlwind. It is down to Thomas & two other candidates. He doesn't anticipate getting this one as this is as I said only his second go at it. Again, he is just very happy to have the opportunity & to get more experience in regards to the interview process. (For those of you that don't know, Thomas works for a huge company that has stores all over the world. He is currently applying to take the next step up from the position that he has now. Since this is a public blog, sometimes I don't know how explicit I should be, but most of you know where he works that need to & I will just leave it at that for now.) His boss here in town told him that last week regional supervisors from other areas also called for a reference on Thomas as well. So, it sounds like we may be moving soon, however, we have thought that for a while now & haven't yet. Plus, if everyone else is going through six-nine interviews before they are getting their placement Thomas may have a while yet to go. Who knows? We may be calling Illinois home in the near future. I think the other two locations mentioned this last week were Kansas & Arkansas. Time will tell.

This week on the 16th of July "Emma" will turn three months old. It feels like to me she should be about one year old already. I don't know why that is. I have said that before. I have finally reached a point of accepting what happened and I have also accepted that we will never get her back. I am okay with that, but only because I have no other choice. Life is short & I refuse to waste any more of my days always being sad & hoping & praying for something that is just not going to happen. I am a very proactive person. If there is something that I want, then I want to be actively working towards it. I have a very difficult time just sitting idly by waiting. I want to take action. There is no action that I can take, nothing that I can do to fix this. So my only choice is just to let it go; let her go & I have done that. However, I still miss her terribly & I doubt that will ever change. At least I miss our time with her, the "Emma" that we knew. I have accepted that she has a new life now, a different mother & even a new name. I know that the "Emma" that we miss doesn't exist other than in our minds, our hearts & our dreams. Her picture is on our fridge & many times while doing dishes the tears will come as I gaze at her sweet little face daydreaming about what she is doing or what she looks like today. That happens less & less as I know that I must move on. I will & I have. That said, if the phone would ring & on the other end it was her mother saying that she had once again reconsidered...we would be in the car on our way to her in a moments notice! We don't think that will happen, but the reality is that if it did, we know that we would not even have to think about whether or not to go as our hearts have already made that decision for us.

The same day that "Emma" turns three months old is also the one year anniversary of our "DTC" or "Date to China" for our Dossier. Then, on the 20th of this month we will have our one year anniversary of our "LID" or "Log In Date" of our Dossier being logged in. (when our waiting officially began) One year anniversary...so many say, "We will celebrate our one year anniversary of our LID..." Me? I just say that we will have our one year anniversary. Yes, I am very glad that a year has past & that we are at least that much closer to Mia & I am grateful for that, but celebrate? We will celebrate when we get our referral. Okay, maybe we will go for Chinese or something. Maybe we will do something to mark the occasion. I do want to be able to tell Mia that we celebrated on that day. However, mostly I will just be thinking that we should be already home with her by now. I will be pondering as I do everyday just how much longer will we have to wait. I will feel anxious & ridden with anxiety about the unknown that is our reality, all of our realities (for those of you waiting for your child too) in the world of our China adoptions right now.

Something that I have not been able to share until now I have decided to share today. I won't share the all of the specifics yet & especially not here on my public blog. However, the people in our lives that needed to first know of this now know so I feel more comfortable sharing some things about a new chapter in our lives here now. A while back someone very close to us offered to carry a baby for us. (as we get farther along & with her permission I may be able to share with you exactly who, but for now just know that it is someone who we love & trust more than words can express. It will be as close to me carrying this baby as possible as we have ZERO doubt in regards to any relinquishment issues.) We have went through all of the preliminary things that will be necessary in order for us to move forward with this. She has been to first her OB/GYN & then on to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. There have been many steps along the way & now we find ourselves almost there. We are very excited. Please keep us all in your thoughts & prayers for a healthy pregnancy & a healthy baby. As I said, there are lots of details, but most of them would just bore you. You get the idea of what is going to happen. Now at this stage, just as if it were Thomas & I trying to conceive we are hopeful & prayerful that conception will take place. Once that has happened we will then of course move to being hopeful & prayerful that the pregnancy will be maintained, that this most fabulous woman keeping our baby safe & sound for nine months will remain healthy & well & that at the end of it all we will have a healthy child! We will keep you posted as details that we can share become available! Wish us luck! Let us just say too, you know who you are & if you are reading this we love you...& as we have said many times, but it bears repeating a million more...we will never be able to say thank you enough. We will never be able to express with words what this means to us. You have heard it all already, but be warned you will hear it over & over...thank you. Typing those two little words seems like a joke when trying to express the gratefulness that is in our hearts where you are concerned, but I know that you get it & that you understand. I hope & pray that in our talks & letters back in forth in the past that we have in some way expressed our thoughts & feelings to you in a manner that maybe meant a little more than just a simple "thank you".

We are going to have a garage sale. My house is cluttered with stuff that we don't wear, use or need. So, it is time once again to gather it all & sell it! Our third bedroom has been taken over with all of the items piled up that we have gathered thus far. This will be a process that will be ongoing over the next few weeks. I am not sure yet when we will have it, but we do know that we will be having it sooner than later & in the meantime I have just accepted that this house is going to be a mess! IF we find out we are moving soon, then it will turn into a MAJOR moving sale as much of what we have is not going with us! However, the furniture & a lot of the larger items will not be sold until we move. So, we may have one sale now & another when we move. Unless of course we find out we are moving soon. Then, we will just have the one in a few weeks. Garage sales are a lot of work, but it will be nice to have everything organized & cleaned out. For whatever reason I in the cleaning/organizing mood. I am catching up on my filing, getting this garage sale business under way & when it is all done I am going to give my house a good cleaning! I have been a slacker in that department lately & it is certainly in need of a good ol' top to bottom shapin' up!

Anyone working out these days? I am & could use some motivation from time to time if anyone has any to pass around. I am using our treadmill, our elliptical & our weights four-five times per week. I have been diligent for about three weeks now. Prior to that it was really just hit & miss in spurts. I don't mind it once I get going & my endorphins kick in, but I tell you the first fifteen minutes, boy do I wanna quit. Worse than that, getting started kills me. I procrastinate & just get myself in quite the mood knowing that the time has come! For me it is working better to get it done & over first thing in the morning so I don't focus on knowing that I have yet to get it done all day long. However, when I work I have to be there at 6AM, so there is no way that it gets done in the morning before work. I work a twelve hour shift, so that means I get home around 6:30PM & then after that have a really hard time doing it for sure. I only work two-three days a week that shift, so that shouldn't cause me too much of a problem. Thomas is doing great with it too! He has been running & doing the elliptical. He is finding that it really is a great release for him. He puts on his MP3 player & hangs in there for an hour plus. This morning I slept in & I heard him working out downstairs. When I got up he was soaked in sweat. I was impressed as it wasn't even 7:30AM yet! Anyway...any thoughts, tips, advice or just encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

With Thomas being gone the last four weeks I have had all of the responsibilities of the household both inside & out. We usually tend to do the yard work together anyway as I enjoy being outdoors this time of year. However, we have a huge lot. It is about big enough for at least two homes if not three with decent size yards. Anyway, with a rider to mow it & then weed eat it takes about four hours. The other night I had quite a fiasco. I couldn't get the mower started, then I finally did, ran it out of gas, didn't have any more here at home, had to go to the gas station a hot, disgusting, sweaty mess, was frustrated from all of that & ran over two of our cedar bushes in my haste & ate two holes in them with the mower in our front yard, flooded the weadeater, never could get it started...need I say more! Ugh. Plus, with all of this rain I by myself can not stay on top of the weeds in our garden. It is ridiculous! One day when Thomas was home he spent eight hours on his knees out there pulling grass out of our garden. I felt so bad because by the time he got home the next weekend it was all almost back. With so much rain & then the sun comes out...there is just no staying on top of it. Everyone tells me they are having the same problem this season. I will say though that we are already getting jalapeno peppers, Anaheim peppers & grape tomatoes. The garden doesn't look anything compared to what it did this time last year as the flood of 2008 took its toll on it pretty bad, but it is surviving. It doesn't look the best, but we still enjoy it.

Vacation

2008-06-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

I realized that I posted a few shots from our most recent vacation, but never really talked about it. It was a good vacataion. Punta Cana, as you can see in the photos is absolutely beautiful. The beaches were amazing. The weather was great. We had a little rain now & then as you can always expect when you head off to a tropical destination, but not so much that it caused us to miss out on anything. We stayed at the "Excellence Punta Cana". It is an all inclusive, adults only beach front resort. The food was okay. A couple of the meals were wonderful & the rest were just alright. You always have to keep in mind that you are going to basically the equivalent of a third world country & a foreign country as well. They don't have the same food as we do here. The presentation was always beautiful & the service wonderul. We had included 24/7 room service available. We took advantage of that several times. One thing will always be true; the U.S. knows how to do food. Don't get me wrong though, the food was good & is always an experience in & of itself when traveling to a far off land. Each day they always had a beach party. They would cook something right on the beach & play music. We would all watch them cook the entree' & then sit around eating, visiting & getting to know each other. We met so many wonderful people. Everyone is so relaxed. You know, it is so easy to be in vacation mode when your biggest decision of the day is which beach bed to choose in what location! The service is always exceptional & was this time as well. The native people are so awesome. They have a genuine spirit & a carefree way of going about their day that we admire. This is one thing that a lot of Americans could definitely take a lesson on from service workers in other countries that we have visited. They are so helpful, polite & happy to assist you in any way that they can. They are very thankful for their jobs & always seem so happy & thankful to be at work, singing & dancing as they go through their day doing their jobs. Our room was beautiful too. We had a big jacuzzi tub in between the bedroom & our bathroom. We had our own private balcony with a beautiful ocean view. We met a great couple who we are keeping in touch with now that we are back home & hope to one day visit them at their home in Brooklyn N.Y. (Hey Kareem & Tyrin!) They were so much fun...& FUNNY! Oh my goodness. We enjoyed them so much. They had gotten married the weekend prior & were on their honeymoon. We hung out together did some Karaoke, danced at the Discotech, played a little (okay, a lot) of BlackJack at the resort casino, watched the resort shows, hung out at the beach & just sat around talking getting to know each other until 2:00AM. We feel so grateful to have gotten to know them & to have shared some good times with them. We enjoyed the beaches & the pool & many fruity/frozen drinks that were very yummy! There was one that was actually made for you in a hollowed out cocconut. It was so yummy. It was like a meal. It filled you up, but was so good. We walked up & down the beach. We stopped along the way & did some snorkeling. Thomas LOVES to snorkle. We had a couple of little problems at the very end of our trip. First let me say that we used sunscreen just like we were suppose to. We put it on in the room, let it dry, re-applied etc., etc. Well, the sun there is not like the sun here. Thomas snorkeled for several hours. He was on top of the water...his back & his legs were sun exposed enough even though he was in the water...the back of his legs-oh my goodness. I wish we had taken a photo. The only description that I can give you is raw hamburger meat. That is what they looked like from right below his knees down to his ankles. Ugh. Thankfully, if this had to happen it happened the day before we left so it didn't spoil much of his time. We hit the resort spa for some relief. Thomas got this cooling aqua gel wrap. It lasted over an hour. They dipped his legs in an ice bath & then wrapped him in these ice soaked, gel covered towels & such. He said it was great & helped him so much. Me? I had a massage/pedicure. Loved it. It was so nice. I am now addicted to pedicures. Then, I got sick. We only drank bottled water. (even to brush our teeth) The water on the resort is all purified/filtered. It is checked/tested several times a day & weekly by an outside company. Anyway, I don't know if I ate too much fruit or what happened, but the day before we left I couldn't get very far from the bathroom & it took a ton of PeptoBismol to get me through our travels home & miserable doesn't even begin to describe how I felt while we traveled home. I was so sick. Again though, thankfully this didn't occur until the day prior to us leaving. Our travels, other than me getting sick were great. We had a layover getting there in Miami & coming home & everything went smooth. We departed early for most of our flights. One time we had a little delay on the tarmac due to some computer glitch on the plane, but it was only about 45 minutes & we just hung out there on the plane. Wasn't too bad really. The Dominican Republic Airport was great too. It was so pretty. It has thatched roof tops & although, seemed very safe & had lots of shops & restaraunts it was nothing like the airports here in the states. It was very tropical & some of it without doors. We call it "open air". It gets hot, but wasn't bad. We had no problems with customs either, just in & out, pretty uneventful. I find all of that fun & interesting. I just love to travel so I take it all in.

As far as tropical destinations out of the countries we have now been to Jamacia, Mexico & Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. Many have asked us which is our favorite. Our answer is we love them all. We love each of them for different reasons. For some reason Mexico stole our hearts. When we leave these places we always think that we would love to go back. However, our hearts desire is to see as many places in this big ol' world as we can in our lifetime. So, even though we love each of them, chances are we might not ever see them again. Maybe, but it is likely that we will always choose a different destination. Upon retirement, we hope to be fortunate enough to have a little beach front property in one of these destinations or another one that we will someday visit. We will be inviting all of our friends & family to come & stay with us...so, if you are reading this, plan on it! :o)

New Blog Song Lyrics...

2008-06-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

I Knew I Loved You; Savage Garden
Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
and there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe
[chorus:]
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
only this sense of completion
and in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I found my way home
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe
[repeat chorus]
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I found you
[repeat chorus to fade]

Eleven Months Behind Us

2008-06-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

Yep. You guessed it. Today is our eleven month log in date anniversary for China...& no end in sight. Well, at least the review room seems to be moving a little more quickly, right? Maybe that is a sign of good things to come after the Olympics. I sure hope so.

"Happy eleven months down to us!" That never sounds good to me. The happy how ever many months to us I mean. It means nothing & we are so aware of that. It really would matter not at this point whether it is eleven monts or 22 months. The wait is long. Yes, at 22 months we would be closer, but at this point no one really knows how much closer. It just feels like our referral is so far away. That is probably because it is, huh?

Well, none the less as I always say every month is a month closer than we were before. Right?

Our Beach Vacation

2008-06-11T08:05:00.001-07:00

Vacation!

2008-05-28T15:32:00.000-07:00

Yep. We booked an impromptu last minute trip for the upcoming week. We are very excited! We are going to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic for six days to a beautiful all inclusive, adults only resort right on the beach! We can't wait. More details later. Just wanted to share my good news!

Is she serious?

2008-05-28T10:26:00.000-07:00

Really now! C'mon. Why would anyone even say something like this?!?!? If she is so concerned about "bad karma" coming back to you from your actions, well...in my opinion, she should be really concerned about herself after saying something like this! I don't want to judge her or anyone else. I get that she is upset about the treatment of the Tibetans, but really, was this comment necessary? Especially, since the vast majority of the people suffering are certainly not the ones making the decisions on a government level. UGH. She basically said that they deserved what has happened to them due to the actions of their government. What a terrible thing to say.

http://omg.yahoo.com/sharon-stone-was-china-quake-bad-karma/news/9386?nc

It's Pouring Here

2008-05-24T13:27:00.001-07:00

Literally & figuratively pouring. It has been raining all day...from the sky, but from my heart too, the emotions are gushing like the rain is falling & coming with those emotions are occassional rain drops from my eyes...okay, at times they have been more than drops. I am just having a bad day. I miss our "Emma". I knew that I would have bad days & I guess this is just one of them. I just hurt. That is the only way or word that I know to explain it. It is a painful ache that won't go away. It was a month this past Thursday that Thomas placed her back in her birthmother's arms. My heart is sick with grief; a grief that never gives me a vacation. It is always here with me. It is a new unwelcomed addition to my being & it is hard on my soul.

Our adoption agency emailed us letting us know that Ethiopia has a really good program going right now. It is a rough estimate, but within a year we most likely if not before could be home with a baby & possibly a sibling set. It would take some time to get the dossier done, but since we have done that before it wouldn't likely be too bad. I don't know...sometimes I think we should just wait. I think about doing In Vitro, I think about getting in line for another country while we wait for our China referral, I think about waiting to see what happens with a possible situation with someone who has offered to possibly have a baby for us (time will tell as they are dealing with some personal things that must be resolved first)...but all the while in the back of my mind I just keep thinking of ways that we could possibly get Emma back. I fear every day that I will never be able to let that go & every day she slips away from us a little more.

I know that is hasn't been that long ago. A month, right? My emotions are still so new & I am still processing what has happened. I just can't imagine that time will ever take this pain away.

Maybe it is me. Maybe I don't want to move on. I know that I don't have a choice though, so I might as well get over it or at least learn how to deal with my reality & go from there.

Plan for tomorrow...spend the day with Thomas doing something fun. That will put a smile on my face & in my heart too. It always does! He understands that behind my smile is a sadness right now that won't go away, as he carries that same sadness deep within him . I hold no expectation for myself to "be better" tomorrow, however, I do hope that the day will be better & that for now will have to be enough.

Earthquake Pandas Get A New Home

2008-05-24T09:26:00.001-07:00

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=7959704&ch=4226714&src=news

Panda Has Sneezing Fit

2008-05-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=7933419

This is so funny!

Buckle Up!

2008-05-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

For all of you that will sooner or later be traveling & enduring that long flight home with your wiggling little one or for any friends or family flying anywhere with kids in tow I wanted to share this great information. Check this new invention out at http://www.kidsflysafe.com/ Great idea, huh? Sure beats lugging a car seat through the airport!

"One Child At A Time"

2008-05-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

Ya Xing Kai is living in an orphanage in China. She has Spina Bifida & needs a life saving surgery. Check out this auction site dedicated to providing the funding for her surgery. This is one way that we can all get involved & literally help one child at a time!

http://justonechildatatime.blogspot.com/

What a great idea! HAPPY BIDDING!

"Yesterday", Leona Lewis

2008-05-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

Love this song! Click on the song title "Yesterday" above in my music box to take a listen. You can read along with the lyrics here below.

I just can't believe you're gone, still waiting for morning to come, wanna see if the sun will rise, even without you by my side. When we had so much in store, tell me what is it i'm reaching for. When we're through building memories, i'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart.

Chorus.
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made, they can take the music that we'll never play. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know, they can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.

You always used to say, i should be thankful for everyday. Heaven knows what the future holds, or at least how the story goes. (but i never believed them 'til now.)

I know i'll see you again i'm sure. No it's not selfish to ask for more. One more night, one more day, one more smile on your face, but they can't take yesterday.

Chorus.

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made, they can take the music that we'll never play. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know, they can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. I thought our days would last forever. (but it wasn't our destiny) 'Cause in my mind, we had so much time. But i was so wrong. Now i can, believe that, i can still find the strength in the moments we made. I'm looking back on yesterday.

Chorus.

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made, they can take the music that we'll never play. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know, they can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. Ooooh... (All the broken dreams take everything) But they can never have yesterday.

Tragedy

2008-05-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

Please take the time to click on the below link. Steven Curtis Chapman & his family have lost their youngest daughter in a terrible accident.

http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/music/ny-etcurtis0523,0,2146841.story?track=rss

Get To Know Me Better...

2008-05-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are not bloggers, you probably don't "get" this, but it helps us all get to know one another.

Favorite person (outside of family): This is a tough one. There are so many people that I cherish & given unlimited time in my life I would love to spend so much more time with each of them just enjoying them & their company.

Favorite food? The answer to this is usually different depending on if I have had something fabulous lately that was new to me. Overall, I really enjoy Mexican & Chinese food in general. Usually I am not a big ice cream fan, but there is this place called "ColdStone Creamery", they have them all over now. http://www.coldstonecreamery.com/ The treats that they have there...oh my goodness! The best! Also, recently Thomas treated me to a visit to the Godiva store while we were in Iowa. I chose this "kabob" that had strawberries, banannas & kiwi on a skewer all dipped & covered in Godiva chocolate. YUM! (These items are all ofcourse for when I am not low carbing, which is not very often. Getting & keeping my weight where I need it to be is one of my biggest struggles! However, these are the things that I would choose to treat myself with now & then for a special occassion.)

Quirks about you? I am an "organizer", love to have things in their place. I use to be a cleaning fanatic as well. I still like things clean, but I am not obsessive about it anymore. Thankfully, I have realized life is too short & that I have better things to do. However, if my "to do list" gets out of control, I tend to begin to panic a little as it tends to make me think that my life is getting the same way too. Another one; I love me a little (okay, a lot) of reality television. Really embarassed to admit that one, but I do. Some of it is right down "smutty" at times, but sometimes I just find myself sucked in. Ten minutes later I am staring at the television watching in disbelief & wondering, "What the heck am I watching here?!?!?" Ugh.

How would the person who loves you the most describe you in ten words or less? Wouldn't this be a question for him or her? I honestly couldn't tell you who loves me more...my husband or my Mother. They both love me unconditionally in a way that no words can describe. I would think they would say..."opinionated (never means to offend, but always means what she says), faithful, organized, good head on her shoulders, (my Mom always says that about me), strong values, honest (too much so at times), willing, philisophical, authentic, grateful"...Okay, I am sure that is at least ten.

Any regrets in life? Regrets? No...things that have happened that I wished wouldn't have, choices I have made that looking back I might have made differently, things I haven't done that maybe I wished I would have...sure. However, as far as regretting any of it, I don't have time for that. Everything that has happened has no doubt shaped me, molded me & made me; the good & bad, who I am today. So, nope. No regrets.

Favorite charity or cause? WorldVision http://www.worldvision.org/donate.nsf/child/giftcatalog_christmas07?Open&campaign=124608133&cmp=BAC-124608133

Favorite blog recently? The Smith's, "Bring The Rain" http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Something that you cannot get enough of? Time

Worst job you ever had? Hmmm? Never gave that much thought really. Every job comes with its good & bad I suppose. Really haven't had one that was bad enough to say it was the worst. I work to live, never have & never will live to work. A job for me has not ever & will not ever define me. It is all about earning money that is necessary for our family to do the things in life that are important for & to us. I am SO thankful however that Thomas has a career that he enjoys & is so dedicated to though. Even so, he certainly keeps a great perspective & knows his personal priorities as well as our priorities as a family. He is able through his career to provide a very comfortable living for our family & for that I am so thankful to not only him, but to his company as well! He has provided me with the gift of working part time & what a blessing that is for our family!

What job would you pay NOT to have? The President of the U.S.

If you could be a fly on the wall, where? Funny. I just said this very thing to Thomas yesterday, therefore, this answer comes to me very quickly. I would love to be a fly on the wall in the home of the birthmother in which we recently placed our sweet "Emma" back too. The birthmother has two additional very young children & things were not good. I ache to know that "Emma" is okay & long to know what is happening in her world. I realize that this may only make my pain worse, to know her reality, but I am all about being honest here, so that is my answer.

Favorite Bible verse right now? "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Guilty pleasure? "Grey's Anatomy"

Got any confessions? Well, I try to live as my authentic self always at all cost. Lately, there have been times when I am not feeling very happy in my heart. The ache & longing that is within me really never gives me a vacation. At times lately, I have forced a smile or when I have been asked how I am doing by friends & family, I haven't always been very forthcoming. I think that those close to me already know this though & can & do very often see behind my smile anyway though, so a lot of you probably already knew this, so I guess it is not much of a confession really.

If you had to spend $1000 on yourself, how would you spend it? It would go towards traveling. LOVE to travel...anywhere, anytime!

Favorite thing about your house? The family & friends that fill it.

Least favorite thing about your house? The lack of children in it.

One thing you are bad at? Operating electronic stuff...you know, the DVR, my MP3 player & the like...thank goodness for Thomas or I would be in the dark ages! I am a good learner though, so once he teaches me (okay, usually it does take a few lessons!), then I do okay. I am also TERRIBLE at reading maps! I can't find my way out of a cardboard box, really!

One thing you are good at? Organizational Skills, Being honest (really, I think that honesty is a skill-there are so many who are not so great at that these days, right?)

If you could change one thing about your circumstances, what? Refer back to the regrets question. I am trying to learn rather than to constantly want for what I don't have to instead be happy, at peace & grateful for what I do have. This takes effort daily & is often a challenge, but I am trying.

Who would you like to meet someday? Refer to the favorite person question. There are so many people & places too that I know if given the opportunity to meet & spend time with, go to & spend time there; they could; the people & the places, enrich my life in unimaginable ways...

What makes you feel sexy? My husband. Oh, the question was "what", not "who"...well, sorry. I am sticking with my first answer.

Who is your real life hero? Again...too many to mention just one. Living life today in this ol' world is often times so tough & we all get thrown a lot of curve balls. So many people in my life can hit a curve ball out of the park like nothing I have ever seen!

What is the hardest part of your job? Depends on the day.

When are you most relaxed? Depends. However, siting in the backyard with Thomas talking & admiring the garden ranks right up there.

What stresses you out? Running late.

What can you not live without? Faith.

Favorite song, music or band? Or turn us onto to a new artist that you are listening to & enjoying right now. Leona Lewis! WOW! Her songs are incredible & that voice...ubelievable!

Do you agree with the recent article that blogs are authored by narcissists?
What?!?!? No, that is so silly in my opinion.

Why do you blog? Sanity.

Our Garden Is Finally In!

2008-05-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

Thomas got started bright & early out in our garden yesterday. He was out there all day. He didn't come in until almost 8PM! The rain finally stayed away long enough to get going on one of his favorite projects of the year. He tilled, weeded, planted & built cages & fencing. It looks great! He planted everything from sunflowers & pumpkins to onions, herbs, jalapenos & cauliflower, plus just about anything else that you can think of! We already have quite the strawberry patch in full bloom. He built a cage around it & we will soon net it as well to keep the birds from picking them clean before we can. Last year the fruits of our labor were awesome. We had quite the garden & a wonderful, bountiful harvest clear through late October. I appreciate his efforts as it is so nice having the fresh vegetables, fruits & herbs throughout the season. Remember last year? I think there are some shots somewhere on a previous blog post from our gardening season before. Anyway, it is looking great already. Pictures of that project to come soon.

I helped him out a little with it yesterday, but not much. I was doing some things inside. I made us a late lunch which we enjoyed picnic style out in the back yard while admiring Thomas's hard work. He has quite the sunburn on his neck & head as a result of his long day.

Oh & about the lunch...I made a new turkey salad recipe. We can't figure out what makes it so great, but honestly, it is the best we have ever had. I will post the recipe soon. It is a great summer treat.

Thank You Secret Pal!

2008-05-20T06:40:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I went to the mailbox to find a gift from my fellow July LID group secret buddy. What a nice surprise! Thank you to my pal for the great Baby Einstein Photo Album! It is just perfect. Mia will love it for sure. When the time comes, we will fill it with photos of our family & send it to her to have in China while we are still here in the states waiting to travel to her! It will be such a perfect way for her to see our faces & the faces of all of her new family until we can get to her & bring her home to join all of us!

THANK YOU again!

I Am So Proud Of Myself!

2008-05-20T06:25:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently helped me bling my blog out a little for spring. She said that she just couldn't stand all of the white anymore! :) As I have said before doing things like "blinging out my blog" & digital scrap booking are both things that I really want to learn to do.

Well, last night I took a stab at trying to get music on my blog & as you can see I did it! I must say I was & am pretty impressed with myself. I am not electronically inclined so it felt like quite an accomplishment. I kept closing out my blog & reopening it to hear the music start up. I was so silly clapping my hands & praising myself. Thomas was laughing at me, but agreed that it was very cool.

I added a few songs that are very special & inspirational for me & I added some that I just heard recently & have been enjoying. I will change the play list from time to time as my mood changes & different things are going on in my life. You can click on any tune to hear a different song on the list. Just use the scroll bar on the right of the music list to move the listing up & down to reveal more tunes too. Impressive, huh? HA! Not really, but I am just very pleased with myself that I figured it out. (Oh & if the music is distracting to you, in the left corner of the music box there is place to click on & stop it from playing. It is the first little box right under the pic of the album cover.) I will very soon be trying to "bling out my blog" in other ways too. Stay tuned...

10 Months & Counting...

2008-05-20T06:20:00.001-07:00

Well, ten months have come & gone. It is always bittersweet for me, these milestones I mean. Counting down the months & realizing that you have come so far, but yet have so far to go. I want to look at it positively, so I tell myself that means that we are ten months closer to our Mia than we were before, right?

I remember vividly the day that we received our log in date & it doesn't seem like all that long ago. Approaching the one year mark very soon makes me think that maybe time is going a little faster. I hate to wish our life away, but we are so ready to travel to China & bring her home.

Well, all I can say is, "Ten months down & who the heck knows how many to go!"

While we are on the subject of the number ten, read this; a little bit about the symbolic meaning of the number ten:

The number ten is the start of a whole new order of numbers and the culmination of the numbers that come before it. This may seem to be merely a distinction given to ten under our decimal numbering system. However the numbering systems in use in the time that the Bible was written were also based upon the number ten. A look at the number values assigned to the Hebrew and Greek letters in the table shown in the introduction Hebrew and Greek numerics will show that the letters were given values from one to ten, then increasing in tens to 100 then increasing by 100's and so on. Furthermore numbering by tens is built in to our very anatomy, count up on your fingers and when they are all used, make a mark on a piece of paper and start from your first finger again. Soon you will have a number of marks, each representing 'two hands' worth. Thus in ancient times as in modern times ten is the start of a whole new order of numbers and the culmination of the numbers that come before it.
Thus wherever ten is found this completeness of order is also seen. Ten implies completeness of order, nothing lacking and nothing over. It signifies that the cycle is complete and that everything is in its proper order. Thus ten represents the perfection of divine order.

If you are interested click on the below link to read a little more about the number ten. I mean, who knew? It elaborates on The Ten Commandments, The Tenth Chapter, The Tenth Verse & so on. So interesting.

http://www.vic.australis.com.au/hazz/number010.html

And now we know...

You're In The Right Place...

2008-05-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

A fellow waiting China Mommy worked on blinging out my blog a little for me in honor of spring time. I am not very good at that kind of thing, but hope to get better at it soon. I think I would love to do things like that with my blog as well as digital scrapbooking too. I hope I learn soon. Right now I want to learn how to have music playing when others open up my blog. I am so not electronically inclined. So, thanks Sara for making my blog a little prettier!

Today was so beautiful weather wise here! A friend of mine & I took her two boys, got some lunch & went to a local state park & had a picnic. Then, we let the boys play on the playground there while we visited & enjoyed the wonderful weather & some good company. Then, we went to a garage sale & found some bargains. I found lots of eighteen month old clothes items; most with the tags still on & lots of name brands such as Old Navy, Gap, Gymboree, Children's Place etc. So cute! Plus, I purchased a book that their grandparents had brought them back froma trip they had taken to China! It is a children's book with letters, common words & phrases. It has a photo of the item & then it is written out in English & then translated in Chinese; the woman told me the dialect, but now I can't remember. Irregardless, I was very pleased. I got the whole bag of clothes & the book for $7.50! I love bargains! Tomorrow, another friend of mine who is expecting her first little bundle of joy (CONGRATULATIONS KRISTIN!) & I are going on a garage sale adventure in the morning. We will have lots of chatting, find some great bargains no doubt & maybe enjoy some breakfast. It will be a nice girl's morning out for us!

Thomas & I made a big purchase the other day. We purchased a new riding lawn mower & a weedeater. We are very pleased with them both. For now, it is fun mowing as it is like having a new toy, but I am sure that will wear off sooner than later & we will not be as excited as we are now to mow.

Today "Emma" is one month old. It seems to me that she should be so much older. I can hardly even comprehend that we have only been home for about three weeks. I don't really know why that is...the only thing I can figure is that every day that she is not with me feels like an eternity, like a lifetime. Maybe that is why it seems so, so long ago. I pray that she is getting all that she needs & that she is thriving, happy & healthy. I miss her so much I ache.

Unimaginable

2008-05-15T16:32:00.000-07:00

The devastation that the people of China are facing right now has never been more clear to me than since reading this article from the NY Times. I really don't even have any words to express my feelings of sadness for all that are in any way involved in this nightmare. I don't know what to think or what to say. Click on the below link & read the article & beyond that I would say just pray.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/15/world/asia/15morgue.html?no_interstitial

FELLOW BLOGGERS PLEASE HELP!

2008-05-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know why like in my previous posting that the first paragraph is so spaced out between lines & then it goes right into more normal line after line without the spacing?!?! I have tried & tried to fix it. I have changed my font & also the text size & nothing works. I am clueless!

Jen

The people God brings us to...

2008-05-12T05:20:00.000-07:00

I received a package in the mail yesterday. It wasn't from one of my secret pals from one of my groups that I participate in & it wasn't from a familiar friend who lives nearby. It wasn't from anyone in my family & it wasn't from a stranger...it was from a friend, although a different kind of friend than some of you might think of when you hear the word "friend". A woman who I have never met face to face & likely may never meet in person. A woman who lives very far from me, but obviously knows me better than people who I see every day. This woman inspires me in so many ways & I am better for knowing her that is for sure!! She is from a group of other families that I correspond with that are all logged in for China the same month as us.

She has thought about me, prayed for me & offered words of encouragement throughout the entire time I have known her since joining this group. Not only when she speaks directly to me, but just day to day by the insights & advice that she shares. Also, I visit her family blog from time to time. She is an inspiring woman & lives her life in a way that glorifies God & His kingdom! I am proud to call her my friend.

She sent me a gift that I will treasure forever. Even more than the gifts that she sent, her written words touched me in a way that I will never forget. I will never be able to thank her enough, not for the gifts, I can thank her for those. Although, I couldn't have chosen something better or more perfect to help me during this time & in the waiting times ahead if I had went & made the purchase for myself. What I mean is that I will never be able to thank her for her thoughtfulness, her prayers, her heartfelt sincerity or her words that will resinate with me always & forever. I will never be able to thank her for the way that she lives or the way that she inspires others in her daily life!

The one thing I know is that God works in so many ways in our lives that we so often take for granted. I know that this woman came into my life not just by chance, but because God knew there would come a time when I would need her; her prayers, her kindness & her heartfelt sincere words that mean so much to me today & always will! No, I will not ever be able to thank her enough, but the one thing I will do is thank God for her & thank Him for making sure that we crossed paths in our lives here on Earth.

This wait for our daughters from China is long & so often we question this wait that we must all endure. We so often hear from others that as time passes many things often reveal themselves & the reason for the wait becomes more clear. I believe that this woman was meant to come into my life & help me in a way that I couldn't do for myself. I will praise Him for this & that I know will be all the thanks & more that she would ever want, to glorify God for His great works!

Kelly Raundenbush you are amazing!! You inspire me in so many ways! Thank you so much. I opened the gift & the tears came like a flowing river. I attempted to read the card to my husband Thomas & couldn't get through it without stopping several times to catch my breath. I later shared it with my Mother & again I had to stop several times before I could continue on. I want you to know that we get our mail everyday without fail. It is just a habit, we never leave it in the box from one day to the next. On Saturday, we were doing yard work & time got away from us. We realized late on Saturday that we never got our mail from the mail box. We decided to wait until Sunday to grab it. We never do that. My point is, that on Sunday; Mother's Day, I opened my gift from you. It couldn't have been better timing!

I am not sure that I can explain what your words meant to me & what the gifts mean to me now & how much they will mean to me in years to come! I hope you don't mind Kelly, but I want to show photos here of your gift to me & it seems only appropriate that your written words go with the pictures. I know that they were written to me, but I want to share them with all those who will read this.

"Be strong and let your heart take courage, All who hope in the Lord."

Ps. 31:24

Dear Jen,

I wanted to send you this special gift as a reminder of the great hope we have, the great expectation you have that God will make you a Mommy in His perfect timing.

These charms were handmade by an artist in Bejing. I had my parents get them for me. You can wear the mother charm as a reminder of Mia Lynn and how God is preparing you even now to be her Mommy. And, the other charm (the daughter charm), knowing that one day you can place it around her neck with great joy and thanksgiving. Treasure it until then.

May this Sunday, (Mother's Day) be one not of sorrow, but of great expectation of the joy to come.

By Grace,

Kelly Raundenbush

The pouch is what the charms came in. The first one on the left is "mother" & the one to the right is "daughter".

The card will go in Mia's scrapbook along with other various very important writings from those people that mean so much to us for her to enjoy in years to come!

Again Kelly, there are no words...a simple thank you does not seem like near enough. I will very soon be shopping for the perfect silver chain so that I may begin to wear my mother charm. Knowing that it came from China, it is like a lifeline to our Mia. I am so excited to place it around my neck & close to my heart where my daughter is growing already!

If you would like to "meet" Kelly & her beautiful family, here is her family blog address: http://www.raudenbushfamily.blogspot.com/

Please visit her!

Jen

Verb VS Adjective...

2008-05-05T08:23:00.000-07:00

Just a couple of things... & indulge me here just a bit as I am likely to get on a little bit of a soap box. We all have our topics that we like to discuss & for obvious reasons this is one of mine. I just think if you have personal experience with a topic & you feel you have something relevant to share on the subject that might enlighten others that you should go for it. However, I don't want to be misunderstood that I am preaching here or upset...as I know that everyone most generally means well, but I just chose to take this time & forum to just put some of my thoughts out here on a topic that is so personal to me.

It was recently suggested by a dear friend that we should not give up hope on trying for "your own" baby. I just want to make it very clear that I know that what she meant to say was a biological child. I also want to make it clear that Emma would have been & Mia will certainly be "our own" baby, just not our biological children. I know that everyone knows that & that is what is usually meant when someone says "your own" (biological), but I just wanted to say that adopted is a verb, not an adjective. Adoption is a way to grow a family. It describes the way that a child comes to be in a family, but is not a descriptive word that should ever be used to describe a child. It is kind of like a vaginal delivery or c-section. No one goes around saying "this is my vaginal delivery daughter" anymore than anyone should be saying, "this is my adopted daughter." They are just your children period; your own children, irregardless of how they came to be your son/daughter & you their parents. I just feel better having said this as it is something that is important for all of us to help each other to be mindful of. Sometimes I have heard people speak of families when talking about the children & they will say, "their daughter is adopted". That is an incorrect statement. The correct statement would be "their daughter WAS adopted." Again, the word should be a verb, NOT an adjective. Thomas & I tried to have biological children as you know, but adoption wasn't necessarily our second choice. We never looked at Emma & won't look at Mia as a consolation child or a second choice. We just want to grow our family, whether that be through birthing a biological baby or adopting a son or daughter, it matters not to us. Our only goal is to be parents, to grow our family. Our goal isn't to become pregnant or to adopt & adopting internationally or domestically matters not either. Being 35 we still have some time I suppose to explore our options for a bio pregnancy. However, the odds are no doubt against us. Just as a reminder, I have PCOS, Stage 4 Endo, a hydrosalpinx & use to have Insulin Resistance (corrected after losing 80 pounds), plus I am 35...so, although not impossible, certainly I have some things working against my odds. Thomas has no male factors, so that is a plus. Also, our insurance although good in every other aspect offers ZERO coverage for anything related to Infertility. Yep, ZERO!! So, if we did do InVitro it will be @ $14,000.00 here in Missouri at our physician out of the gate cash money up front. We for a long time thought that adoption was very much more a sure thing than InVitro would be. We contemplated which process to pay for that would in the end get us to our goal of growing our family. We thought that adoption was the clear choice, that we would in the end have our babies sooner & more safely than by doing InVitro. Yep, that is what we thought. We have since come to see that isn't always the case. We know a lot of families who have done InVitro, both successfully & unsuccessfully. Some have done a mixture of fresh & frozen transfers; a total of between 6-10 times & out of those attempts have 1-3 beautiful, precious children. Ofcourse, they would do that again, it worked for them & for that I am so glad, but will it work for us? How many times can we financially afford to try with no insurance coverage & also having gone through two failed domestic placements that were very costly in the last sixteen months, plus having our International Adoption in process as well. All, very costly. Not complaining about the money....we have a very clear understanding that we are paying for the process, NOT THE CHILD! It is just a little more difficult to think about the money spent when in the end we have come home twice without our babies.

So, that is my soap box for the day. If I just enlightened one person, changed the vocabulary of one individual my time here today was well spent!

Have a great day! It is suppose to be 75 degrees here. I am hoping to get out in the garden this afternoon to get it rolling for this season.

Jen

I am still living...

2008-05-04T07:41:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. Yes, It has been almost two months since my last entry. Sorry. Very soon in the midst of this post, those of you who don't know why will very soon understand.

We had another failed domestic placement. WOW, huh? Tell us about it! Let's see...where in the world to begin?

Okay, we heard a couple of months ago about this possibility & in order to respect & protect the birth families privacy I won't divulge a lot of specific details about it. However, I will say that she is nineteen & has two other children, very young children. It again seemed like the sure thing. We had daily contact with her & everything seemed like we were on track. We hired an attorney & did everything by the book.

We had to travel to another state for the birth & would have had to remain there until the process was mostly complete. It ended up being a scheduled induction, so we were there the night prior. There are a lof of things that happened, but the baby was finally after several false starts born healthy. We were not at the hospital & did not take her home from there. However, the birth mother signed the termination of parental rights & placed her in our arms & our care just a day or so later. It was the happiest moment of our lives.

We had four of the most glorious days with her ever! Really, no matter what the outcome has been & the hell we have lived in these last few weeks we would never give those four days back for anything.

In the state where she (yes, the baby was a girl) the BMother had four days/96 hours to change her mind & revoke her signature from the TPR that she had signed. Literally mere hours (less than three hours) before that time was set to expire, my cell phone rang. My heart sank. There was no need to look at the clock & really no need to answer the call as we knew instantly who & what was on the other end. However, I answered the phone & it was our attorney with the words that still haunt me today & always will, "My dear, I don't have very good news for you." I could share with you the rest of what she said as I remember vividly that conversation, but honestly, none of the rest matters.

A short time later, Thomas placed our precious "Emma Kate" back into her Birth Mother's arms & into a life that we had not wished for her.

A day later we traveled back to our home with an empty car seat in the back of our vehicle that only days prior had been filled with the most beautiful, precious soul that we had ever laid eyes on or had the blessing of knowing.

We still love her today. We still feel like her "Daddy & Mommy" & I can tell you that I don't think those feelings will ever go away. We are hanging in there. Some days are worse than others, but we somehow get through them. It it SO hard as we long & literally ache for her every moment of every day. Nothing makes that go away! Nothing. We are moving on & living this new life that is now ours without her, planning trips, going back to work, family outings & even laughing again...but nothing is a diversion. Absolutely nothing. Those feelings; the ache, the emptiness is always there looming in the background. We are not sure that it will ever go away. I think we are & will continue to learn how to cope a little better with each passing day.

Yes, someday we will get to go & get our Mia from China & maybe another child before or after that will join our family one way or the other...however, one child does not & will not replace our "Emma Kate". We loved & nurtured that little precious soul for four glorious days. She eternally impacted our lives. We will never be the same. I don't know if anyone who hasn't lived it can understand what four days can be like when you are literally living out a dream...four days can & did seem like a lifetime for us. It really did.

If you have children you understand, GOD FORBID something would happen to one of them, just because you have the other one wouldn't make your longing or ache for the child that left you to be back in your life go away, you know? It is just difficult when you wanted something for so long & then you get it & it was more than you could have ever dreamed or hoped for & then it is gone again. It is such a loss, not only the loss of our dream of parenthood, but of our sweet "Emma". She was amazing. Now, not only do we ache & long for parenthood & want to be parents, we want to be HER parents.

It has been very difficult not to question why. However, in our hearts we know that is not the right thing to do; questioning God I mean. Over & over I have had to & continue to repeat one of my favorite verses to myself, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 I have always believed that & even though my faith has been shaken & has felt tested I still believe it. I know that God has a plan for our lives. I am only human & God knows that there has been many a day that I have prayed that His plan might come a little more in line with ours or at least that His plan could be revealed to us in someway so that maybe we could understand things & this could all be a little easier. However, we know that we just have to trust in Him & take this to Him...but, it is hard, so, so hard. As we all know it is easy to praise Him & be thankful when things are good, but to be able to do it when things are bad is a different story. We are trying. I would think that must mean that you have reached some kind of spiritual maturity when you can be praising God even through the storms of life. You know what I mean?

There is this song by the band Mercy Me. It is called "Praise You In The Storm". We have always loved it, but now more than ever it has new meaning for us. I have shared the lyrics below:

I was sure by now God You would have reached down And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day, But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
But as the thunder rolls I barely hear Your whisper through the rain“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side
And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry, You raised me up again, My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on If I can’t find You
As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain “I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I’ll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my sideAnd though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm, And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm

I told my Mom the thing that makes this so difficult is that those four days with her were a dream. We longed for that life for so long & we finally got it. It was everything that we ever dreamed of. Every second of every moment with her in our life was perfect. (other than the loud, & I mean LOUD ticking of the looming clock counting down the ninety six hours in the background...we could have done without that!) Not one thing with her was a chore. One afternoon she pooped like four times in a few hours & every time that we got to change her was our pleasure. When we went to breakfast & in the middle of it she needed to eat or be changed Thomas & I would fuss over which one of us would let our breakfast get cold to feed or change her. Those "task" as some would see them were the highlight of our days & we know that her BMother will never likely be able to see it that way. My point is, that we knew we wanted to be parents before & now we got to do it & it was everything & more than we ever could have imagined. The thing is that we had "Emma" & we want her back! How are we going to let that go? We know that we have to, so now comes the task to figure out how. Some have compared this to a death & it does in some ways feel like that. However, with a death you know that the person is gone. We know where she is. We know that she is not dead, but in some ways I guess she is dead to us, as no matter what we do we can't get her back in our arms.

I can also tell you that I knew that Thomas would be a good Daddy, but I had no idea. He was amazing in every way. Even the pediatrician said that we were quite a team working together just as it should be. He told us we were doing an amazing job. Most babies at eight days old he sees would have lost about ten percent of their body weight & then they gain that back. Miss Emma was already 7lbs 8oz (she was 7.5 at birth) & he said he didn't know when he had seen a healthier baby. We gushed with pride only to put her back in the BMom's arms only hours later. She was so unspoiled & perfect, her days filled with classical music & parents who adored her. What kind of world were we forced to place her in? We know that a lot of babies live in much worse & she will likely survive as most do, but we don't want her to survive, we wanted her to thrive & that just likely won't happen. I look at the clock periodically & think in my mind, "Well, the BMom has had her 72 hours now." or however long at the time it might be just thinking that our "Emma" really doesn't even exist anymore & the longer she has her the more that is true. Really, the moment that Thomas placed her back in the BMom's arms our "Emma" was gone. Instead she was now a little baby with a new name, a new mommy & very soon a new life....& somehow, someway we just have to get to a point of acceptance with that.

Many have said that we shouldn't give up hope as that call still may come. Yes, that would be a dream & YES, we would go as fast as we could!! However, we feel that it is unhealthy for us to live every moment with that idea in our minds. We must move forward. Life is too short not too. Some days it does feel as this might consume us, but we manage to keep going. We realize that each day, with each new morning we have the chance to begin again & to continue to settle into this new life without her that is now ours.

I have many photos of her. Many that I would love to share. However, I am not sure it is right to post them here on my blog. As much as I want to, she is not ours to share with the world. Yes, the four days that we had her...those were our days & we will treasure them always. If she were still with us, other than in our hearts, I would be flooding you with photos, but I just don't think I should in this forum with the current status of things as they are. However, if you want to see her sweet little face leave me a comment here with your email addy & I will gladly privately send you a couple shots of her.

Well, that is enough of that for now. I will post more a little later about some other happenings in our life, but for now I am a little drained & just need to sit back & take all of this in for a bit.

Jen

Hospital visit...

2008-03-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

Well guys, I have had a rough couple of days. Just a note to let you know that I have been in the hospital for a couple of days. I am home now & doing alright, but it has been a rough couple of days. Long story short, after many test in the emergency room they found that I have what is called a "Schatzki Ring". This is described as smooth, benign, circumferential, and narrow ring of tissue in the lower end of the esophagus (the food pipe that connects the mouth to the stomach). These rings are located just above the junction between the esophagus and the stomach. These rings are common, occurring in more than 6% of the population. The cause of these rings is not clearly understood. The majority of these rings cause no symptoms, and most patients are unaware of their presence. When the opening of the esophagus becomes smaller as the diameter of these rings shrink, solid, poorly chewed food (such as steak, turkey, frankfurter) can get caught at the level of the ring. The patient then experiences chest pain, or sticking sensation in the chest with swallowing (referred to as dysphagia; difficulty swallowing). If the food bolus passes into the stomach, these symptoms subside quickly and the patient can resume eating. If the food bolus dose not pass into the stomach, some patients have to regurgitate the obstructed bolus of food before they can resume eating. Rarely, the bolus becomes impacted (the food bolus cannot pass nor can it be regurgitated:this is what happened to me). These patients experience continued chest pain and difficulty handling saliva and secretions. A flexible endoscope has to be inserted through the mouth into the esophagus to extract the impacted food to relieve obstruction (this is what I had done).

Anyway, I became very acutely ill & couldn't breathe. I had an EGD at about 3:00 in the morning the other night & subsequently from all of the stress on my body my heart went into a very fast irregular heart beat known as Atrial Fibrillation. The biggest danger from this a stroke as your heart does not pump out blood to your brain & organs properly so they have to get it stopped & your heart back into a regular rhythm as quickly as possible. After about five hours of drips & medications my heart converted back into a normal sinus rhythm. I was in the hospital only a couple of days. Next week I will have an outpatient Echocardiogram on my heart (a type of an ultrasound) just to make sure that the Atrial Fib was just from the stress of being so sick & that there is nothing more serious going on with my heart that we need to be concerned about. Then, following that I will have a follow up appointment with my doctor to do some follow up labs & to go over the results of my Echocardiogram.

It has not been a fun couple of days. I hate to be sick & I hate to go to the doctor, much less the hospital. However, when I couldn't breathe (my oxygen level had gotten down to 84%-no wonder, (suppose to be about 96-100) I knew that it was time to go to the ER. Today, I am at home resting. I am feeling better, just tired, have a sort throat & weak.

Just wanted to let you all know what was going on. Will keep you posted.

Seven months down...

2008-02-20T18:15:00.000-08:00

"Happy seven month LID to us!" It never feels good for me; these milestones I mean. It is so bittersweet. To be honest, all I can think of lately is the fact that when we started this process & that one day I remember so well when I asked, "How long?" I was told "around nine months". I remember the very moment very vividly, like it was yesterday! I remember thinking how terrible a nine month wait would be, but was able to rationalize it in my mind thinking, "this will be no different than a normal gestational period for a biological pregnancy...I can do this!" Now, what I would give for someone to tell me nine months! None the less, we have seven months behind us & are that much closer to our Mia & for that I am happy & thankful. Looking ahead that is all that I can focus on is Mia; not the wait or anything that comes with it, except our daughter & our beautiful family at the end of all of this.

Marathon Post Ahead...

2008-02-15T06:59:00.001-08:00

What's new? Well, not a lot really. Nothing new to report in our world that is adoption related. Just praying for & thinking a lot about China & all who live there as they struggle with the weather; ice, snow & bitter cold! Thinking a lot about the families who have seen the faces of their precious little ones & have to wait for their travel approval all the while knowing the current conditions & climate in most of the orphanages. Also, knowing the uncertainty of their upcoming travel plans as well. For once, as much as we want to get to our Mia, we are actually thankful not to be going right now. Please take the time to click this link below to see exactly what I am referencing! Please!
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/photo/2008-02/04/content_6441621.htm
Sobering, huh?

Hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day. Ours was fine. Nothing too exciting. We believe that you should try as best as you can to make everyday somewhat of a Valentine's Day for those that you love. Thomas & I show our love for one another daily in so many ways & say it often. We think actions speak louder than words. Words are often easy...so, we focus on our actions & try to always make sure that we are carrying out in our relationship the words from 1st Corinthians that we had read at our wedding....you all know the verse;

"If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing. For we know partially and we prophesy partially, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things. At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known. So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love. "

We are far from perfect & neither is our marriage. We don't always succeed everyday ofcoure, but we try. We try to live this in our marriage & for the most part we do a pretty good job. I am happy & proud to be able to say that as we are approaching a celebration of our sixteenth year of marriage this April! Anyway, Thomas showed up at my work at 4:00 yesterday with a basket full of yellow daiseys, a box of sugar free chocolates & a musical card. I was very grateful for the treats, but was much more happy to see his smiling face!

Thomas did the "Polar Bear Plunge" again for the third year in a row last Saturday to support the Special Olympics. It was cold, but as there motto says, it was "Freezin' For A Reason"! Here are some pics below of the event. Thomas hates the cold, but feels that he should do this as it is for a good cause, plus the associates at the store raise money to see their bosses "take the plunge" & they all really get a kick out of it. So, Thomas also sees it as a moral booster for his staff as well. He is a good sport. As you can see they had to crack the ice just so they could have a spot to "plunge"! The weather was actually warmer than last year, but the wind was blowing much harder this year which ofcourse made it feel colder. This event raised over $15,000.00 for The Special Olympics! Way to go Thomas & everyone who participated!

Still low carbing for me these days. Doing well & exercising more now too so that is helping. Been hard at it again since November 12th, 2007. So, I just hit my three month mark for this go round. On any given day I am down about 32-35 pounds depending. So, overall I am averaging about eleven pounds, give or take, per month. The first & even the second month my losses happened so much more quickly! It is slower now & not nearly as steady, but I am happy just to still be strong at it. I am proud to say that I haven't fudged, NOT ONCE, not one bite of a single thing that isn't on my eating plan since November 12th! I will keep you posted...

I have been getting into Shutterfly lately. I just completed my first book, but can't tell much about it here yet as though I did get a copy for myself, mostly it is a gift for someone else. It should be here anyday & I will be giving it to them soon. When I do, I will post the link here so you can see my first attempt. It turned out great I think if I do say so myself. Now, I will probably begin doing all of our photos in this manner as it is fun, simple & just about the same price wise as purchasing a nice album, having your pics printed off & taking the time to put them in an album. These books are much better & such a great keepsake! If you are interested go to http://www.shutterfly.com/ & check out their "gallery". Just look at some of the ones various people have done. They are so great!

We still haven't come up with a destination for our vacation this year yet, but are working on dates right now. We are nailing down some time frames; Thomas gets four paid weeks per year now, so as soon as we have those dates worked out we will speak with our travel agent to find out what our best options are.

We got our taxes all done & sent off. YAY! Always so glad to get that done & over with every year. We were very pleased to officially find out that we qualified for every penny of the federal adoption credit in regards to our failed domestic placement in 2007! We got nearly, if not every single penny back that we spent. Overall, that was the only good thing that I can come up with out of that whole ordeal! Obviously, I would give it all back in a second to have had the chance to parent "Ashton", but ....well, you all already know that story. Anyway, yay for the refund/tax credit. I think that tax credit is set to expire in 2010. We sure hope that congress signs the bill to extend it. We heard that it is in the works & as long as the budget will tolerate it, that they probably will. Keep your fingers crossed! What a benefit!

Work is fine for both of us. The hospital is a revolving door right now. Lots of Influenza A! People hacking & coughing uncontrollably & just miserable. Young, healthy, atheletic types are being taken out for weeks. Unfortunately, it looks like the flu shot missed one of the major strands this season. UGH! Thomas is back in full swing at the Kirksville store. Still no definite transfer for him in sight at the moment, but could be anytime. Just waiting to find that right store/town for us. Maybe soon. He is glad to be home.

Thomas has been playing in a poker tournament about once a week. They each pay like $5.00 to get in & then get chips to play with. He has won three out of five times thus far & has been at the final table every time. At the end of the tournament after a few months the winner overall wins a flat screen LCD television. It is a friendly game. He also has a group of guys that he meets with on occasion & they all play. It is a good "guy thing" for him. He really enjoy it. He invites me every time to come along, but I thus far have declined as I think it is important for him just to have his time. He does want me to go & watch him play sometime though, so I told him maybe I would go this week.

I guess that ol' groundhog saw his shadow here a while back which means six more weeks of winter for us. Guess he was right. We have had a few warmer days, if you can call 40 degrees warm. However, today it is suppose to be frigid temps again & more snow coming I guess. Well, surely the temps will turn here sooner than later. We are almost to March, right? We are happy knowing spring is on its way as it will soon be planting season & we do love our gardening. Thomas is very anxious to get our garden planned out & to see & enjoy the fruits (& veggies! HA!) of our labor! Plus, it will be Farmer's Market season again! YAY! We love that; our Saturday morning ritual! Usually to the Farmer's Market; sometimes if we are feeling REALLY energetic we walk & then usually to the coffee shop for some brew. It is several miles one way, so the weather has to be decent & we have to really be in the mood & up for the walk.

My Dad has recently had a couple of outpatient surgeries. They both thankfully turned out fine. No problems thus far. They were minor, however, as I always say the only minor, uncomplicated surgery is the one you don't have. That is just the reality of it! However, he is recovering at home & doing well! AMEN!

Our DVR has been getting a work out! "Biggest Loser", "American Idol", "Big Brother", "Survivor", "Real World/Road Rules Challenge"....GOSH! Me & my reality t.v. Plus, now I have Thomas into them too! Too funny. Anyhow, we are annoyed that Josiah did not make it through on Idol. He is a TALENT! He writes, plays instruements & can sing. He is not a one hit wonder with only a good voice! He should have gotten through & we are praying that someone watching who can give him a chance saw him & will give him his shot! He has heart & we think has what it takes! Anyone else think so too? Love to hear your comments on any of these shows. I love to carry on about them! Thomas & I have a great time choosing our favorites & debating over who will win. Although, most of the time it is not much of a debate as we usually agree on who the best ones are on Idol & on the other shows as well. We thought Carly was great on Idol, but now that we heard she in the past already had a major recording deal, CD's & videos that flopped we think that she was a "ringer". It is not fair to have professionals trying out with those who are ameteurs. That was & is messed up!

Okay, enough rambling for this post I suppose. I don't post all that often, so I always figure that when I do you should get an earful for your time. :) Looks like I have succeeded today!

Jen

Love This...

2008-02-15T06:48:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to share the front of the card with you that I found for Thomas this year for Valentine's Day. I was so happy to find this. I wrote several things on the inside, but the most important was, "I can't wait until the day when we can officially add "Father" to the list on the front of this card!"

Anyway...here it is.

Thomas's Passion

2008-01-22T15:10:00.001-08:00

Courage...

2008-01-22T10:56:00.000-08:00

Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes, courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says,
"I'll try again tomorrow."

Life & Times...

2008-01-21T08:02:00.001-08:00

Often times my blog is about our journey to our daughter Mia & eventually it will be only focused on primarily that as we get closer, however, in the meantime it will continue to at times be about many things including just the general life & times of the Pearse household as to keep in touch with all of you & to help keep you up to date on all of the happenings in our lives including ofcourse our adoption, but many other things & happenings as well.

Anyway...Thomas & I are doing well. (pic of hubby below; haven't added one in a while.)

Really, right now as of recently I think that I have posted about most of what has been going on...my Granny's passing, our six month LID anniversary, the year anniversary of our failed domestic placement, planning a vacation (just starting our research on that), my "getting healthy" journey & so on. So, right now I probably don't have too much more to add.

Thomas & I have three days off week after this together in a row & today I am putting some thought into what we might do. We are thinking of going somewhere or doing something special, but haven't come up with anything as of yet. Being in the middle of one of the coldest winter season's in a long time our options are limited. I will let you know what we come up with.

Jen

My Granny's Service...

2008-01-21T07:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my Granny's service & it was absolutely perfect. I took TONS of photos, I will send just a few to share with you. I have to tell you that the pastor that did her service was absolutely the best that any of us had ever heard!! It really was a beautiful service & was such in honor of Granny's life. The pastor who did an excellent sermon spoke of her "home going" & "her rewards"; not once did he mention death or dying. It was a wonderful message. We had a slide show of her life, thee hymns, a poem my Mom wrote that when I get the copy I will share with you-it was AMAZING & a letter that my Aunt wrote to Granny that was read as well. The day could not have been any more of a tribute to her life; we were all SO pleased & most important we know Granny loved it too! The Pastor told us afterwards that he has done hundreds of services & ours today wasn't the biggest & or the fanciest, but that he wanted us to know that he is not sure out of all of the services that he has ever done that he had ever been to one where he felt the amount of love that was there in that room today. That meant a lot. Also, he said he has never conducted a service where there were that many grandkids & great grandkids & that every single one of us was in attendance.....it was nice. After the service, my Grandma ("MeMa") had reserved a private room at a local restaraunt in J.C., so we all went & ate together, watched a video & fellowshipped. Around 4PM we left there, Thomas & I found a great coffee shop across from the courthouse so that he & I could have a few minutes alone & then we went on to Fulton to my aunt's where we met some of our family.

"We love you & miss you already Granny!"

Jen

Six Months Down...

2008-01-21T07:49:00.000-08:00

Now, only if we knew how many more to go?!?!? The only thing that I can say is that we are six months closer than we were, right? UGH! "Happy Six Months LID to us!" (For some reason for me that is so not a happy statement!)

Jen

Thanks Keri!

2008-01-13T11:17:00.001-08:00

We got a nice package in the mail from our "Secret Buddy". (We know who our buddy is, so it is not really a secret...) Anyhow, we just wanted to again say THANK YOU Keri for all of the great Lady Bug goodies! They are perfect. We love them & know our Mia will too! Thomas was even saying, "it's adorable" when he was checking out the items! You should have a package arriving soon too. Hope you like your goodies! There will soon be a few more on the way too! :)

Jen

Gift...

2008-01-13T10:54:00.000-08:00

Thomas's Mom gave us this beautiful gift yesterday. Isn't she just perfect? We love her! We looked up information on her red koi fish on her bib & her toy & found some interesting information. We will share it below. Anyhow, she is a porcelain, handcrafted numbered heirloom edition doll. She is part of a limited edition & production on her closed after 5,000 pieces were issued.

In general Koi Fish are associated with Good Luck. It is said that a Koi Fish in the Buddhist Religion represents courage. Because of its strength and determination to overcome obstacles, it stands for courage and the ability to attain high goals.

We think she is beautiful & we will treasure her always as we know Mia will too!

Thank you SO much Pauline for such a thoughtful & beautiful gift!

Thomas & Jen

Article to share.......

2008-01-13T06:47:00.000-08:00

http://www.nationalpost.com/story.html?id=193141&p=1

Here is an article that you might want to read. Very insightful & well written, I thought. It was written by a father of a family that previously adopted; twice I beleive, from China. He discusses the changes, the wait & the possible end of the IA program with China.

Jen P.

Sad News...

2008-01-13T06:37:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to thank you all for your thoughts & prayers in regards to my Granny's recent illness. However, for her the cure was not to be. Granny passed away night before last. My Mom was with her holding her hand. She was sleeping & seemed to be peaceful. A few hours prior to her passing, she woke up & looked at my Mom & told her, "I am very sick.". My Mom said that she knew & asked her if there was anything she needed or anything that we could do for her. She put her weak arms up, hugged my Mom's neck & said, "I love you." Those were the last words that she spoke & then she went to sleep. My Mom was resting in the chair next to her bed shortly there after when the lullaby was played overhead letting all in the hospital know that a sweet little one had just been born....shortly after that lullably sounded overhead, our Granny passed. We were & are all reminded that the circle of life continues; one life leaves the world as another comes into the world. We appreciate your continued thoughts & prayers!

Jen P.

January 11th....YUCK!

2008-01-11T14:54:00.000-08:00

I just don't think that January 11th or maybe just "January" overall is going to in the grand scheme of things be good for me. Exactly one year ago today Thomas & I were in the car on the way to meet the little baby girl that had just been born the night before who we thought was going to be our daughter. Around 6:30PM one year ago today we laid eyes on "Ashton" for the first time. So perfect in every way....a year ago tomorrow we arrived at the hospital for what we thought would be making the final preparations to bring her home. That very day we left the doors of that same hospital with empty arms & pulled out of the parking lot with an empty car seat. Today, as with many days leading up to today, I can't help but wonder how she is; hoping & praying that life is treating her well & that she is thriving, happy & healthy! I can not help but think how different my life would be today. For whatever reason that did not work out. I can not ask "why?" as it solves nothing & changes nothing.

My Granny is not doing well. Yesterday my family took her from the hospital to a nursing home as she had been in the hospital since Christmas Day & was not getting better. Renewed health did not seem to be a reality for her in the near future, likely never again. A nursing home was the only option for her as there would be no way that she could go back to her home in her current condition. Today, my Mom called me as they were rushing her back to the ER. Her lungs are filling up with fluid. She apparently has a very bad pneumonia. They don't know if she will make it through this. Thomas & I will leave early in the morning & travel about 2 1/2 hours to go & see her.

My Aunt is in the hospital as well from complications from a back surgery. She is not well today at all. She has lost 23 pounds in the last month & just feels terrible. She is young & has children. She is use to being on the go & is feeling just awful.

Thomas & I are fine. Just praying for renewed health & strength for our family members who are not well. For my Granny; at 88 it may he her time. We can accept that. We just pray that she wont' suffer.

Heading into the New Year we are considering beginning to research a concurrent adoption. We are somewhat interested in Korea. Up to now it hasn't felt right, but recently we have felt a pull to check into this. We haven't even begun & know that it will be a process. We are waiting for our daughter from China irregardless of how long it takes. As long as we are logged in & the program is functioning we will wait. I am 35 & Thomas is 37, so I don't think there is any chance of us aging out. We are anxious as we know so many are for the Olympics to come & go. We want that to be over & done without complications from the media causing waves in regards to IA. Also, to be done & over so that we can see what may be to come afterwards in regards to this wait & the speed in which the CCAA may begin to work at.

We had not planned on taking any more vacations until we traveled to China, but with that time seeming to get farther & farther away we are considering taking a trip mid-year. We are beginning to do some research as to where we might go. We love to travel.

I am determined to begin scrap booking this year. I am researching how to do it. Like, do I want to use something like "Shutterfly" or should I just get a kit or what. I have a drawer full of photos that is just a mess! I am very organized in general, but for some reason that part of my life; our photos are not very together. I love to take pictures, I am just not very good about getting them in an album or getting them labeled & such once we have them uploaded. I vow to get that straightened out this year! I want to have it all done & organized before our Mia comes home!

We are looking at computers as well. We have a great desktop Dell. It will someday be Miss Mia's. We want a lap top, a new digital camera & camcorder that we can take to China. We have been planning on waiting on that purchase when we are a little closer to traveling as they come out with something new & improved so often. We don't want our new equipment to be outdated by the time we travel. Thomas says that we are leaning towards a Mac.

We are also researching luggage. We want the zero turn radius wheels & such. We figured if we start looking now that we might get a better deal than waiting until the last minute.

Also, we are researching vaccinations. Any help here would be appreciated. How in the heck do we know when to get those when we have no idea when we will travel? We are going to research the ones that we need & then find out when we should schedule them.

Our agency has some education that we have to complete prior to traveling as well, so we figure sooner than later we might as well get started on that too.

With all of the chatter that the CCAA might start referring out of line, I guess that one never knows. We feel very fortunate that we meet both sets of requirements; the new guidelines I mean; so if they would start "hand picking" out Dossiers according to families that meet the new regs we want to be somewhat prepared.

With tax time fast approaching we are researching what kind of credits that we can take for our failed adoption in 2007. Hopefully we can get some of the money that was lost during that fiasco!

Tomorrow will be two months "low carbing" for me. I have been back on the wagon faithfully since November 12th. Not even one "ooopsie"! I have been diligent. I have lost 28-30 pounds depending on the day. So, I am back where I started when I lost the original 75 over a year ago. Now, if I can just keep going things should continue to go well.

Jen

Thank You...

2007-12-30T16:01:00.000-08:00

Just a brief note to thank you all so much for your thoughts & prayers over the last couple of days in regards to my Granny. My Mom just phoned briefly to say that my Granny is doing very, very well. She is up in the chair & visiting with the family. She doesn't seem to have any deficits from the events of the last few days. She has moments where it takes her a minute to recognize certain individuals that she hasn't seen in a while, but other than that she appears to be doing very well. She is still currently in the ICU & is continuing to be monitored very closely, particularly in relation to her respiratory status. Only a day ago the doctor said that she likely would not make it through the night, so we are all very happy to see this improvement. She is still very weak & tired & will no doubt be in for a long recovery in regards to her hip. She has also developed pneumonia; they think from choking on something that she drank. They call this "aspiration pneumonia". She will have a swallow study/evaluation by a speech therapist tomorrow. They will make their recommendation in regards to her drinking & eating by mouth after that is completed. Up to this point she has been able to take nothing by mouth. She desperately wants coffee! My Mom reports that today when she asked her if there was anything that any of us could do for her, she responded; "Pray, just pray." It seems that you all have already been doing that & that it is working, so keep it up! Thank you all again!

Jen

Top 10 Baby Names of 2007.....

2007-12-28T15:02:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Girl Names:

Sophia
Isabella
Emma
Madison
Ava
Addison
Hailey
Emily
Kaitlyn
Olivia

Top 10 Boy Names:

Aiden
Ethan
Jacob
Jayden
Caleb
Noah
Jackson
Jack
Logan
Matthew

Well, there they are. The top ten baby names of 2007. Thomas & I were so glad to see that "Mia" stayed off of that list, at least for this year! "American Girl" rolled out their newest doll recently & her name is "Mia". (No, she is not Asian.) We know how popular "American Girl" is, so we figure that the name "Mia" will soon become much more common here in the U.S. We are hoping not, but we know that there is nothing that we can do to stop it & we are not changing our mind about the name that we have chosen. We were also pleased to see that our boy name did not make the list either; "Maxwell Gavin". We will call him Max. (This is ofcourse if we are blessed sometime in the future to add a little guy to our family.) "Mia & Max" will be our names for our kiddos; God willing. I would love to hear from any of you the names that you are considering or choosing if you would like to share them here in my comments. I think this will be kind of a fun poll to find out our most popular names around our adoption community! (or, if your are pregnant & want to share, that would be great too!)

Jen

Not a great Christmas Day for the family...

2007-12-26T07:09:00.000-08:00

My Mom's side of the family had our annual Christmas Dinner yesterday at my Uncle's home. I had to work, so we didn't make it. (it was a couple of hours away) My Mom phoned me last night with some bad news. My Uncle has recently done some remodeling on their home. They have this big new bonus room where the kids were playing. It is not yet completed so right now it is a concrete floor with a ping-pong table & such in the room. My Great-Grandmother who is 89 years old had just arrived to the family gathering, (she didn't even have her coat off yet!) when she heard the kids out in the room playing & wanted to say hello. There is apparently a step down to enter into the room. She made it fine & was talking with the children. She turned to go back into the room & when she went to step up she must have misjudged her footing somehow & "Granny" fell. ("Granny" is what we call her.) At first she thought maybe that she could get up, but quickly realized that wasn't going to happen. My cousin is a Paramedic. He was at the dinner. He came out & assessed her & stated that he was afraid that she had broken her hip. At that point it was decided to call an ambulance. My Uncle & his family live WAY out in the country. They knew just getting the ambulance there would be an ordeal, but they had no choice. Many first repsonders & Paramedics showed up & after over an hour the ambulance came. Granny was freezing on that cold concrete floor, so my Mom had gotten her pillows & blankets & was on the floor with her holding her hand; comforting her & trying to keep her warm. My Grandma; Granny's daughter was allowed to ride in the front of the ambulance & went with Granny to the hospital & begged everyone else just to stay at the dinner, eat & "try" to have some sort of Christmas as usual & that she would call as soon as they had an initial report. The dinner continued. However, my Mom said that everyone was totally miserable, nervous & "out of sorts". My Grandma; "MeMa" phoned & said that Granny's hip was in fact broken. They weren't sure if she could make it through a surgery, as her lungs are not in great shape & having to intubate her could make extubation a very long, if ever process. Anyway, this morning it was decided that they would move forward with the surgery. The only other option was for her to be bedfast at a nursing home & for her that was not an option that she was willing to consider. My Mom just called & the surgery is over. Thus far, she has hung in there. They are preparing to move her from recovery to the Intensive Care Unit. The doctor's have said that she will be in the hospital for at least three weeks & then it will be necessary for her to receive continued care in a rehab unit for at least an additional three months. Currently, prior to this fall, she lived in her own home by herself. This will be a big adjustment for her. We will just have to wait & see how things go over the next few weeks now. She is very thin & has no reserves. This will be a big concern during her recovery period.

Jen

Big Surprise!

2007-12-26T06:57:00.000-08:00

On Christmas Eve I was doing some things around the house when my Mom called to ask me about what kind of beef that is that you put on the outside of a cheese ball......you guys know, that dried beef. She said that she was at the store & couldn't find it or remember exactly what kind it was. Well, you may remember in a previous post that I had mentioned that due to work schedules & Ol' Man Winter we weren't going to get to see our family over this holiday season. I was a little sad about that. Anyhow, I had just gotten out of the shower & the door bell rang. I ignored it momentarily, as I mentioned I was not dressed & just getting out of the shower. They rang the bell again. I thought that it was either a neighbor dropping off some Christmas goodies or someone selling or adverstising something; but I found that hard to imagine on Christmas Eve. Well, they didn't go away. Matter of fact, they continued to ring the bell & beat on our front door. I threw on a shirt & ran to our side window to see who it could possibly be. My parents car was in our driveway.!! I threw on some jeans & ran to our front door. My ten year old niece & Mom jumped out & yelled "Merry Christmas!" I was so surprised & so thrilled. It was the best gift ever! My Mom, Dad & Niece stayed with me the afternoon. We went to the store where Thomas was working & briefly visited with him. Then, we all went out to a nice dinner. Thomas got off from work shortly after & then he joined us as well. It was such a surprise that they were able to make it up to spend the time with us! We were so happy! Thank you Mom, Dad & Maddie for making the trip & for making our Christmas Eve so much more special! It was so good to see you & spend the time together! (oh & if you are asking yourself, "What was with calling about the beef on the cheeseball?!?!" Well, that was my Mom's way of making sure I was still at home! Sneaky, isn't she!)

Jen

Note from our agency....

2007-12-24T08:32:00.001-08:00

We received a note from our agency. They told us that currently the wait is 24 months. People who have LID's of 02/06 still have like 75 LID's to get to before them & they are already at a wait of 22 months?!?!?!? So, with that in mind how can "24 months" even be close to accurate!?!?! I mean, c'mon.....we all know that the CCAA isn't going to get through 75 LID's in two months, right? In the same note we were also told that with a LID of 07/20/07 that we should expect a wait of 20 months. YAY, only 15 months to go.......NOT! I just can't imagine that. She broke it all down & talked about "heavy months & light months & attrition" etc. I don't know.....maybe they know something that we all do not, but realistically I just can't wrap my head around these predictions. I would LOVE to believe it, but how can I? I feel like I would just be sitting myself up for a big ol' dissapointment later down the road. If her "20 months" statement were true, & we don't think it is accurate, but if it were, then that would mean we could expect a referral in March 2009. At this point March 2010 would be a surprise, much less 2009! (However, I would love March as that is Thomas's b-day month, plus the weather would be pretty decent too.......who am I kidding!?!?! I don't care. Whenever; 10 degrees or 110 in the shade we just want to bring our daughter home~)

Well, I just thought I would share this with you all. Please "comment" & let us know what you are thinking about all of this. I am sure I can guess anyway, but share away!

Jen

Baby Einstein......

2007-12-23T08:12:00.000-08:00

Well, there has apparently in recent month's been some controversy as to whether or not Baby Einstein is edcationally appropriate or stimulating for young, developing & growing minds. Back when I purchased these according to our research they were supposedly the best thing around! I got a fabulous deal on these sets. A mother of twins was having a sale. She had all of these, some not even opened yet. Generally if you price these DVD's new they run @ $28.00-$30.00 per DVD. I have not priced the box sets. I am sure you get a break for purchasing the whole set. Anyway, I purchased all of these; thriteen DVD's in all, for $35.00! I was so excited when I purchased them, but now find myself wondering if I made a good purchase or not. I know the price was right, but what about the item itself? Is this something that is good for Mia? We are not planning to let her watch much television, but we did think educational programs/DVD's in small amounts would be okay, especially Baby Einstein! In hearing the latest, they are just mainly now saying nothing before the age of two television wise if we heard correctly. Guess we will just have to do some more research. None the less, I am still pretty proud of this bargain! Jen

Thanks Jim, Maureen & Melissa!

2007-12-23T08:02:00.000-08:00

These are finally the pictures of the chopsticks set that the nicest people that we met at the Dumpling Festival some months back gave to us. They bid on & won an item at the silent auction; a cooking lesson by a Chinese Specialty Chef in their home. With this came this set of chopsticks. Jim, Maureen & Melissa said that they already had several sets & that they would like us to have this one. We were just overwhelmed with gratitude & thankful for their generousity & kindness! We will never forget it. Thanks again Jim, Maureen & Melissa! By the way, how was that cooking lesson?

Jen

"Retail Therapy"

2007-12-23T07:16:00.001-08:00

Well, if this isn't evidence of my "retail therapy" I don't know what is! HA! These top three photos are of just SOME of our Rubbermaid containers of Miss Mia's clothes, toys, books, shoes etc. that are stacked in our garage. The two here are of her bumper for her crib. We will do her room around these colors red/white gingham, black accents, white & a light green & LadyBugs ofcourse.

This picture is Home Interiors. I actually purchased it on Ebay months & months ago when we were paperchasing. Saw it, loved it & bought it all in a day. Not sure where we will put it, but I thought Mia would like it as much as we do.

I will take some of the cutsie things out at some point & get some close up shots for you to "oooh & ahhh" over when I get a chance, but I thought this for now would give you some idea of what I am up to when I say "retail therapy"!

Jen

5 Month LID Anniversary....

2007-12-23T06:37:00.000-08:00

December 20th was five months that we have been logged in at the CCAA in China. In reflecting on what that means for us & our family on the days leading up to that day & since then I couldn't help but think about when we first chose International Adoption & then chose China. I vividly remember the moment when we were told that the average wait time was six-nine months. What I remember most about that very moment (& I remember it so well!) was the overwhelming feeling that six-nine months was so long to wait & that we just couldn't believe that it was going to be that long before we would see our daughters face for the first time! What we would give now for someone to give us that kind of a time line! I suppose it is just all relative, isn't it? Now we just spend our days praying & hoping that our wait won't go over two years & with every day that passes & every day that the CCAA's website doesn't change we become more weary & convinced that more than two years of waiting will no doubt be in our future. With the 2008 Olympics being in Bejing & fast approaching (August) all of us waiting families can't help but fear what this will do to our worlds; to the world that we all live in; this world of International Adoption. Like anything that consumes one's life it becomes this whole "thing", doesn't it? A whole community, another language & an amazing common bond between those of us living in this world of International Adoption. Irregardless of all of the uncertainty, in the middle of all of the ups & downs & the ever lengthening wait we continue to just wait, hope & pray. This time of year ofcourse we can't help but to wonder how many more Christmas's will pass before Mia will be here with us. We would like to think this would be our last, but know that will likely not be the case. Instead, we must face the reality that it will be very likely that we will have at least one more, if not two Holiday Seasons before we will have her big brown eyes on the front of our annual holiday cards. Like with most milestones in one's life I suppose most every occasion in our futures will be marked in some way with us no doubt wondering if the next time we do this very thing, "will she be here with us?"

Jen

World Vision.......

2007-12-23T06:01:00.000-08:00

http://www.worldvision.org/donate.nsf/child/giftcatalog_christmas07?Open&campaign=124608133&cmp=BAC-124608133

Above is the Christmas campaign website for an organization called World Vision. I would ask that you all take the time to check this site & organization out. They do great things all around the world. There are many options within this organization from buying seeds for a family for harvest for $17.00, to ten fruit trees for a family for $60.00 or a goat for $75.00 to actually choosing a child to sponsor. Child sponsorship is so awesome. For as little as a dollar a day you can offer a child a life! You can actually choose the child from the site. They show thousands of photos & tell a little about each child. After doing this you will then get information on your chosen child & then you can even begin to correspond with the child & even send them packages & share photos, stories & updates. You actually get to see what your money is doing & how it is directly changing the child's life. The lessons that your own children & ourselves as well can learn from this can not be learned any other way! The accounts from people who have done this are so emotional & life changing you just can't imagine! These children in these places all know of World Vision & their mission. The children that are old enough & do not have a sponsor spend their days praying that someone will choose them. Especially the ones who have lost both of their parents & have no one. Some are literally living on the streets with no one & are only all of five years old! One of the little girls on the site said that her mother had to sell her for $500.00 to feed the rest of the children/family. She was at a young tender age, not even a teenager yet required to "service" twelve "clients" a day.

In paying less than $5.00 for a school uniform you are not just buying the child the clothing, you are buying them an education as in most of these places without the uniform they are not allowed in school.

I just want us all to take a moment & think about the abundance that we have here in our lives in each of our worlds. We are all one race; the human race. We drew the lucky card. We were born in a land far from where most of these children & families live. It is really all just logistics.

As we are scurrying around to buy gifts & prepare meals it would be very easy to forget about all of the lost, lonely & hungry in other far away places.

Our family has been trending more & more towards less & less gift giving among the adults. I think this is such an important thing. I think tradition & "Santa" for the children is so wonderful & is certainly a tradition that we want for Mia, however, it will be a tradition & not a lavish showering of a mounds of gifts, so many that she doesn't even know where to look first or what to play with. I have to wonder that if we lined up fifty kids ages three-twelve & asked them what Christmas meant to them if we would hear "Family, traditions, God & Jesus, Church, Dinner together, Decorating the tree, Charity; doing for others, sledding, caroling........" or would we hear "Shopping, presents, stress, crowded stores, playing with my toys, time off from school........." As a society I believe that we are very confused & I am not so sure that all of this gift giving hasn't caused a big part of the confusion & stress. I think we all need to reshift our thinking back to what Christmas means to each of us & our families; what is important. For us, we realized that the very time that we could be spending with our family & friends we were instead running around stressed preparing & shopping. That was not okay with us & will even be less okay with us when Mia is here.

If you stop to think about it just recently in your daily lives when people ask you, "Are you ready for Christmas?".....what they really mean is, "Do you have your shopping done?" After Christmas what is the most common question; especially to children? How about "What did you get for Christmas?" I don't know that I have ever heard anyone ask a child, "What were the traditions/activities that you & your family did over this past Christmas that meant the most to you?" Think about it. Does any of this make sense?

Anyway, I just ask that you check out World Vision & also take a moment to examine your own holiday & at the very least make sure your children & families know that Christmas isn't about what you get under the tree!

Jen

Ol' Man Winter....

2007-12-23T05:50:00.000-08:00

Ol' Man Winter came knocking loudly with the first ice storm of the season a couple of weeks ago. My goodness was it ever a good one! I didn't get out to take any pictures of it myself as I couldn't even stand up without slipping & sliding. We were without power for hours at a time several different times. Some of my friends in other areas went without power for days! It was awful. However, the ice was beautiful when the sun finally did come out & shine on the icy trees! I wish I would have taken some photos. I thought maybe I would get another chance as last evening Ol' Man Winter came knocking again. This was no surprise as it was the first day of winter. It was freezing rain for a couple of hours & then it began snowing. We only received a thin sheet of ice & probably a couple of inches of snow. Not nearly as bad as they had first predicted. I am off today & tomorrow, but Thomas had to go in to work this morning. He made it fine. I wonder what the rest of the winter season has in store for us?

Jen